Originally Posted by Smilesarefree
Milkshake - I think you said that you feel 'left behind' that is also how I feel.
Beloved- I too would like to strangle your co-worker. Must be nice to be so perfect.
Enigo - Ha! What a funny thing to picture, do a little extra rubbing for all of us!!
Smiles, so sorry about the negative. It is so much worse when you have started to really feel the what if...
Yeah on Beloved's coworker. I can hardly believe people like that exist and that no one has tried to get her to stop. Chances are that sooner or later she will say something really hurtful to a client. (But maybe losing a client here and there is not a big deal to her and she may never know exactly why they don't come back.) I am sure she might have a client who had struggled with infertility. Anyway, Beloved... Happy to hear you are getting away from her. I do think that sooner or later people like that tend to get a big lesson in life, when everything does not go as they wish. If not with fertility trouble, maybe something else. I do feel like screaming when I think of what sort of a mom that person will become, so lacking in empathy. Sounds like soon enough she will complain about her kids all the time.
Yes, left behind is exactly right. I have a friend with "fertility issues," with 3 kids younger than my dd. TBH, though, I am not willing to accept the idea that someone with naturally conceived kids, 3 under the age of 5, can claim to have issues with fertility. I think it is a natural thing to not be able to get pregnant when the younger child is still a baby. Even though some do get pregnant really early, I think it is equally natural not to.
Anyway... In addition to "left behind," I feel like my whole life is stuck. I have been home with dd for over 6 years now, and there has been little change outside of her getting bigger. Also, while I am doing super compared to a couple of years ago, my health is still not great. I suppose this feeling os "stuck" is increased due to dh still being a student, again. Because of that (though it is a great thing otherwise) there has been no change in any other area, either. I think it would be a bit easier, in a sense, if we were now raising dd in our dream home somewhere. Instead, dh is still 2-2.5 years from graduating. These two emotions are my biggest problems with the secondary infertility. I feel like I just watch others women's lives endlessly move on to new things, mainly, more kids. Meanwhile, I just sit here (literally, actually).
Earlier I had the feeling that they will never find anything wrong with us and that somehow the infertility is caused by my thoughts and attitudes. (Sorry... I know this kind of goes in the "if only you would relax" category. Yet, this is how I feel, only for myself.) I have felt like there was something keeping me from getting pregnant. The other night I realized that, as much as I would like to have a baby, I am very afraid of being pregnant and having the sort of rollercoaster I went through with the pregnancy and the first 3 years of dd's life. I don't have any problem being tied to a child 24/7. Actually, I loved it. However, I was violently ill for half of the pregnancy and depressed for all of it. I spent months going from couch to fridge, to toilet to puke, then back to couch. I was in a lot of pain. Of course it was all so worth it and I never wanted to not be pregnant, but it was so many times worse than I ever could have imagined. (However, this was not a case of normal morning sickness. I was having all kinds of symptoms of hypothyroidism, without knowing it.) Giving birth and the first 3 months were amazing. However, when dd was about 1, the hypo stuff hit me really badly. In addition, dd did not sleep well until past 3, so I was so sleep deprived I felt like I was going nuts. So, to make en even longer story short, with my not so great health, I am not optimistic enough to think things would be different this time, outsite of having thyroid meds. To really think of it all makes me think that my body is actually quite wise to not get pregnant. Really. And yet, I would so like a child and cannot afford adoption....
Please know I am not wanting to scare anyone else. Most moms, thank God, will never go through hypothyroidism and pregnancy or sleep deprivation at the same time. Also, I had to fight and in the end see a specialist I found online to get diagnozed. I don't dare think how I would be doing now if I had believed the local doctor who felt my labs were not bad enough to require medication. :(