LTB - I'm sorry you can't see the photo of the little boy anymore. I hope you saved it on your harddrive? My sister just gave me a big box of royal bee jelly, and I was going to start with it as soon as I was done taking my Optivite (it's a massive B vitamin that's supposed to help with unexplained infertility). I've got about a month left or so. Looking forward to the royal jelly from what you say. Though my sister gave it to me because she thought it tasted disgusting.
Thank you. :) I do have 7 photos of him, saved. It is just that now others can't see him and fall in love and give him a home.
I just realized that I have also been taking beta carotene that same amount of time. While the jelly is supposed to balance hormones, carrots are used to increase mucus. Thus it may be that it is not the royal jelly helping in this, afterall.
AFM, I'm at 10 dpo, which is when I would have started testing about a year ago. I stopped taking hpts last summer. It was just such a waste of money, and made my stomach sink each time in such an unpleasant way when that chalk-white space refused to pinken up. Getting AF is definitely easier now than it was 6 months ago, I'm thankful for that. But I think it's a comes-in-waves kind of thing. May be easier at this moment, but what about when I get closer to 40? 45?
Bolded your sentence there. I totally agree with that. I had bad pms a couple of weeks ago (not realizing that was it) and I felt really depressed. And this, even though I actually feel like I have accepted the situation. The emotions really do fluctuate due to situations, hormones, so many different things... and because of time and insight. I often do think of the future, also. How will it be when I am 50? When other people start to have grandkids, that sort of thing. Of course we do have a child, but many of our friends will likely have a lot of grandkids. It is like this pain will never go away and there will always be reminders everywhere. I don't know the answer, but I hope and now, finally, think it is possible to totally come to terms with the pain. I am doing so much better right now than I was a year or two ago, even though I had hope, then. (I was waiting to TTC, newly on thyroid meds, etc., so thought that would fix me.) Right now my biggest pain is feeling so stuck. If we could do something towards adopting, it would be just wonderful. As it is, we are not able to.
2.5 months until our doctor's appointment. I will go because I feel it has to be done. However, I have zero enthusiam. We have tried for 3 years or so and I am tired of it. I just want to fly and bring home the child meant for us. It is just that I don't know that there is one meant for us. The little guy I have fallen in love with is so meant for us, in my heart, but rationally I must accept that I am nuts. We are not allowed to adopt him, and that's it. Yet, my heart keeps looking for the what ifs. There IS a reason they say not to fall in love with a child until you have a home study done and you are ready to adopt. I am living proof... hah.
Aren't Emay and I considerate.. We keep this place going so the rest of you can sleep. :) Well, except for Monkeyscience who is nice enough to be up at 4 to keep us company. ;)