Originally Posted by mommamanjari
Maia- I hope your mom sees where she can do things differently & responds with love.
My DS is only 4 and he says crap from time to time. When he thinks that something is hilarious, he'll say it & slap his leg. I'd prefer that he didn't, but I'm not really bothered by it. He says plenty of other curses too. My FIL told my that he caught the tail of DS talking to SIL and it went something like, "sh*t and h*ll and d*mn!" I always tell him that just because he hears it that doesn't mean he needs to say it...at least we've stayed clear of the F bomb and other more vulgar ones!
Well, I don't think she will, but you never know. I think I have caused an irreparable rift, perhaps, but time will tell. I still hold out hope. She has failed me utterly. And I, obviously, have failed her. I'm trying to work on forgiveness but I'm nowhere near there, yet.
There's a huge difference btw 4 and 10, though! My ds-- it's like he tries to create bad habits, and then can't undo them. Like, when he was little, from age 2-7, we lived next door to our babysitter, who's a Baptist preacher's dd. I raised ds not to say "Oh my God", because, especially living here in the south, it could easily offend someone, and he said "Oh my gosh" for years and years-- till maybe last year. And even though it was an ingrained habit to say "gosh", he now says "God" and I have to correct him constantly. Also, he's now chewing with his mouth open and I have to threaten to take away food until he can be aware-- because I say something every single bite sometimes. He's never done that before, even when he was little. It's so obnoxious!
I'm in a huge funk. I was able to release some tears earlier-- I realized I'm in a state of huge grief. HUGE. Over the relationship that I thought I had with my mom (my whole family, actually), over the relationship that I kept hoping it would be, and over the relationship that it's not. I'm heartbroken and really, really sad. I so hope we can move past this. I dunno, though.
Now I'm feeling that I ought to call my brother-- before he calls me and says "WTF did you say to Mom?"-- which, probably won't happen because my mom has *sort of* gotten better at not spreading this thing to that one, and vice versa, but this is big and she just might.
Thank the Gods that my brother has, and has had, his own huge issues with our mom, and some of it is very similar, especially when his girls were little, so I can always remind him of that.
I wish I could talk to M. He gets out of work right around the time my friend is supposed to come over. I'm not much up for company, but I miss her-- don't see her much since she moved across town- and it's been like two weeks. I hope it'll be a good distraction.
He called me at like 11:30 last night-- I'd been HARD asleep, but he was tossing and turning, feeling all guilty because he thought HE was the one to cause this, my writing the letter to my mom. But then he knows what's been going on, and he's totally on my side. I assured him it was something I couldn't gloss over anymore, and it's not his fault. But I'm lacking sleep because I had trouble falling back asleep, and I'm tired. Cranky, upset, and tired.