Queer and Pregnant: April, May, and June - Page 22

[AmandaHope]

Wehrli: Though you may not want to invest in it if you already have the Ergo, a great Ergo alternative that enables front-facing carries is the Beco Gemini baby carrier.  I really debated between the Ergo and the Beco for my registry, especially because the Beco is really hard to find in stores to try out.  I spoke with several people (including the owner of a carrier store) and decided on the Beco, mainly because of the front-facing option (my DD loved front facing in the Bjorn, but my back can't take another Bjorn) and also because it doesn't need the newborn insert.  Its back panel is apparently more structured than the Ergo, limiting sagging when they are little or sleeping.  If you got a full-sized Moby (or lovely batik alternative ;-), you could probably use it for front-facing carries, too, right?

Starling: Hooray for 19 weeks!  Wow--you are really zooming along, huh?  I, too, feel that being so busy lately has made the second trimester just fly by.  I can't believe that I'm in my third tri already!  And I'm feeling it, too--much more tired now than I was even a week ago.  Thankfully, my summer work schedule should leave time for naps.  Just one more graduate paper to grade and then paperwork to do...and then I'm off to the land of research/writing from home until the babe shows up.  Yay!

[seraf]

Wehri, lots of pictures came up just fine for Sara,so I got to see them.  Your second link came up perfectly for me, just now.  You could easily get the material of your choice at a fabric store if you sew at all.  If you don't sew, just get a narrower cut.  There are ways to finish the ends without sewing, but I have a bad habit of letting mine fray (I like the look).  If you go to joanne's make sure you use a coupon.  They usually have a stack of their fliers at the front of the store.  And if you just want the other half of ours, you could pay.  Half of it would be $15.

Escher, I told you, we're practically neighbors.  I think we're looking at traveling to your part of the country sometime late summer or early fall.  I will make a mental note to bring produce.  The no cry sleep solution isnt' bad.  It didn't work for me, but probably because the way I expect books to work is, set it on the bedside table and voila!  That one takes some work.  But it has a special chapter for people who start early, like you.  Any work plan that works sounds great!  Even if it is complicated.  I don't know if it would work for either of your work situations to do fewer longer days (like 4 10s or 3 12s) or if either of you could work from home for a day or 2 a week, but those are options for some folks.  It's obviously harder getting work done while parenting, but a lot of people enjoy it enough to do it.

Starling, I love slings, I could talk about them all day long.  Even more than I like talking about EC or nursing.  Its the big 3 things that make life easier!  Big yes on the woven wrap thing.  Big yes on the nursing on demand thing.  It doesn't take long to put a baby on your back, but generally my kids went on my back when I was not expecting them to nurse.  Like, baby just nursed, burped, peed, is sleepy.  Baby goes on back.  I throw in a load of wash, make lunch (they all say, don't cook with a child in a sling... no comment), eat, play with toddler, hang up the laundry, take kids to the park.  Ari would sleep on my back until I stopped moving or her bladder was full.  So then it went pull her down, potty, nurse, potty, play, nurse, burp, pee, back up on the back for another nap.  That is a newborn, of course.  Older babies I'm more likely to only put up for taking walks and *brief interruption, the kid is really starting to kick harder* shopping and stuff like that.  I really wasn't on the run nearly as much with one little baby as I was with a toddler and a baby.  Ari was on my back from 3 days on.  The rucksack carry is the easiest carry to get down.  It's just like taking off a backpack.  In a regular sling you can just lift one arm and pull the baby around to your hip or front to nurse, and then just shift her back again when she's done.  The African back carry (notice, they all let go of the baby.  I can't explain the physics of it, but even Ari just lay on my back while I tied her in) is really easy to get in and out of, too.  To dismount, you just have to pull at one strategic point and catch the baby.  But the rucksack carry is nice for a tiny baby because it offers a lot of support (and the more you do it and undo it, the faster you get.  Oh hell, I was just looking up links to show you and this one came up showing how to nurse the baby while they're still in a back carry.  Who knew?  The links used to be easier to find when wearyoubaby.org was still up.  This site has many many great carries, but it doesn't really touch on the short sling.

Just like taking off a backpack.

This is how they usually rode in the wrap.  Nice for nursing.  If you do it with the extra piece in the front (like on Wehrli's pic, but spread out) you could wear it around the house with nothing underneath.  No one could see anything.

This was one of my favorites for comfort.  And that is my favorite sling of all time.

Oh, we are going looking at being in Nashville on Sunday May 22, early in the day.  And Chicago Sunday June 26 in the evening if anyone wants to get together.

 

 
Edited by seraf - 5/15/11 at 10:18am

[starling&diesel]

Thanks for the links, Seraf!  Going to check them out now. 

Oh, and Escher ... The No Cry Sleep Solution was useless to us, but I have heard that it works for some folks.  We liked The Happiest Baby on the Block, by Dr. Harvey Karp.  I'm a particular fan of his 5 s's for soothing babies:  Swinging, shushing, swaddling, side/stomach position, sucking.  I love that his strategies work for attachment parenting (ie. suck = nurse on demand, swing = in arms), but are also accessible to people that I am trying to indoctrinate  encourage away from crying it out (suck = pacifier, swing = machine).  I love his theory of the fourth trimester, which is basically permission and encouragement for new parents to indulge in that tiny, warm, helpless new human and forget about everything else for a while.  And I think if this is done, it often leads to a natural instinct to parenting with attachment principles in mind.

Having said that.  I am NOT a fan of his toddler book.  Not at all.

And having said that, I am not a fan of parenting books in general.  I find that they tend to make new parents feel inadequate, or scare them into doing things that they may not feel naturally inclined to do.  I would caution everyone away from purchasing them and instead advise that you borrow them from friends or the library, and then if one truly speaks to you, buy that one.  We have no parenting books in the house.  None.  And no pregnancy books either. I find them crazy-making.  And children are so particular and unique that I often find so much of the material is either fleeting or entirely irrelevant to most children.  Ultimately, YOU are the expert on your child.  Trust your gut.  And arm yourself with various tools that other people (whose parenting style you admire, which is key) have said work for them, so that when you're down to the nitty gritty, you can pull something out and try it.   

Having said THAT, I would add that a good breastfeeding book is handy to have on hand for troubleshooting.  The LLL puts one out.  It was a lifesaver for me.  And Diaper Free, or one of those books, if you're doing that.  I consider those more like instruction manuals laying out concrete things to DO, whereas the parenting books are typically about milestones to be met or alarms that should go off if not met, unrealistic expectations, and an tendency to make most folks feel like their not quite up to snuff. 

Having said all that, I would say that if you're feeling way out of your comfort zone, then read, read, read and read some more.  So long as you're reading books that are in keeping with your philosophies of parenting.  ie.  Natural Family Living vs. the What to Expect fearmongering series.  Depending on where your values lie.  But being on Mothering, I'm guessing which one you'd be more likely to reach for.

Going to post this now, before the computer decides to erase it. 

[seraf]

Hahaha, Starling, I think I love you.  And I prefer the 9 months in, 9 on theory, but a 4th trimester doesn't exclude a 5th and 6th, right?  

Sara's parents asked what we need for the baby, and what can they buy us?  Egads.  I spent the last decade figuring out what I can live without, I'm not used to thinking about things that can be bought.  So, what does one need for a baby?  (I will say that the best baby gift ever was my first digital camera)

[AmandaHope]

Starling: I like the third trimester theory, too, mainly because it makes me feel free to do whatever feels best for 3 months without any thought about patterns, routines, habits, etc. 

Seraf: I love those sling pics, and I'm eager to check out the links. Thank you. One question: in that last pic, how does the sling stay up? It looks like it isn't around your shoulders at all.  I can see how it would be super comfy...I'm just not sure how it works.

We had a great presentation from a lactation consultant at the birth class today.  Wow--I really wish I'd known her when DD was born.  Based on the latest research (she is earning a PhD in lactation--didn't even know that was possible!), the most useful things she said were...

1) In the first 6 hours after birth to establish milk supply.  Otherwise, milk supply can be delayed by a few days or more.  So if the babe is very sleepy, drugged out, or whatever, and not into nursing yet, insist that the hospital get you a pump and pump on each side for 15 minutes.

2) Work hard on the asymmetrical latch.  In other words, the babe's nose should line up with the nipple, so the babe should not come at the nipple straight on but rather have to lift hir head slightly up and over the nipple (with help from head support, obviously, at the beginning) so that the lower jaw is working the tissue behind/under the nipple (not on or very near it!). 

3) If you do have to supplement in the hospital, throw out most of the 2oz bottle they give you; babes a day old only need 1/2 oz at a time, and if they have too much, they'll go into a sleep stupor and not be interested in nursing again any time soon. 

4) Nursing should never hurt. If it does, get help from a lactation consultant (not the nurse).

5) If you do need to pump to establish supply, rent a hospital grade pump, since they are many times more effective than even the best pumps on the market. 

6) If you are unsure if your baby is getting enough milk, rent a baby scale and see for yourself.

7) Hormone-induced lactation recedes around 3/ 1/2 mo (when many moms go back to work), at which point milk supply is maintained "mechanically," not hormonally.  If you experience a drop in supply at that time and/or have a hard time getting milk with your pump, rent a hospital grade pump for a few weeks to get through the transition.

So that's what I learned in breastfeeding class today.

My GTT is tomorrow morning, so I'm officially fasting and really hoping for a good result tomorrow. 

Update: my grades are in!  I'm not teaching again until mid-January--so excited! Now the pressure is on to get my book proposal and revised sample chapters out to publishers before the babe shows up, but I'm ready for it.  I'm just relieved to be off the hamster wheel of the semester. 

Oh--and my doula felt my belly and is sure that as of today, the babe is head down and back out (anterior, right?). 

Edited by AmandaHope - 5/15/11 at 8:44pm

[seraf]

Amanda, good luck on your GTT.  You probably won't need it, but good luck not killing anyone as a side effect of fasting.  The african back carry, that one's called.  It's done with about 2 yards of cloth (for someone my size, but you're close, I think).  It's in the links.  It is mostly just friction.  It goes above your breasts, so they help with upward support, but I try to get it high enough that it's not pulling down on the girls.  I can still do that one with Ari, and she's closing in on 50 pounds, so it might just be magic.

[cejae]

AHope - good luck today! 

[justrose13]

sara and Seraf, thanks for the offer on the fabric... I totally would have bought the 5 yard remnant, however it looks like the moby is 6 yards long and since I feel like the one I have is too short, I'm just gonna go buy some fabric. but your offer made me realize I can do just that, "make" my own!

[KnittingTigers]

Just popping in to say to Escher that we bought the Cosco Scenara for my mom's car, and I hesitate to recommend it. It is well-rated safety wise, and light and affordable, but I could.not.do a rear-facing install for the life of me (and I'm pretty good at such things). We actually had to take it to the car seat tech to get him to do it for us. I then refused to move the seat until DD outgrew it rear-facing and I had to turn it around.

It's fine for a forward-facing install, but since you'll want to keep the baby rear-facing for as long as possible, you're looking at several years of total PITA installations every time you want to ride in a taxi or a friend's car.

So overall, I think it's fine for a seat that's going to STAY in a car, but not a great choice for a seat that you're going to use as your spare and move around all the time. Which is a bummer, since that's what we bought it for.

Also, another FYI on it, is that my DD outgrew it rear-facing earlier than I would have liked. She's almost 3, and is still rear-facing in her Britax Marathon, but she outgrew the Scenara months ago. So, if you have grandparents buying carseats and such, I would steer them toward a Britax or a Radian, even though they're more $$.

Good luck! And, you probably already figured this out, but there are lots of helpful parents in the Family Safety forum who love to recommend carseats for every situation.:)

[Graceie]

Esher my sons been in a my ride65 sense birth it's big but light and can install with a buckle

[cejae]

Ahope, you done with the grading?  Grading w/out alcohol, stimulants or junk food is just painful.  Thanks for the breastfeeding tips!  I just finished LLL’s book on multiples and it was incredibly helpful in terms of thinking about how to get a good start on breastfeeding even if the babies are in the NICU or are too young to latch at first etc.  And the book continually reiterates the get them on the boob or get a hospital grade pump on there w/in the first 6 hours message.  And, yay for a head down baby!  Keep us updated on the GD test.

Mizyellow, so sorry about the ultrasound ☹.  Our baby A is like that.  Never ever ever shows its face to the ultrasound, yet moves constantly, what?  

Seraf, I love love love your response to the little one who asked if you were a boy!  Brilliant.  As for pigment changes – I’ve got that darn line all the way up to my boobs!  

Wherli, Such a little muncher.  I love the pictures!

Julietea, oh wow.  Sounds like an awesome present.  I agree with the “losing it” strategy.  Our gender politics are, ahem, more radical than most and I shudder to see what the relatives will buy for us should either or both of the twins be female.  We’ve trained them for ds (though they still ignore is absolute LOVE of all things princess in favor of his love of dinosaurs).

Starling, so agree with Happiest Baby on the Block.  That book saved us with ds.  I’m rereading it right now just to brush up on the 5 S’s.  The other book I would recommend, which is not about baby care, but about helping you develop a parenting philosophy in general, is Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.  It’s very progressive in terms of gender and sexuality and reads more like a book of tools that might or might not be useful than a “how to” manual to raise children in a particular way.  

AFM, I made it to 33 weeks!!  Hopefully I can hang in there for at least another two! Yesterday I was so uncomfortable, it was actually the first time I was happy that my medical team had put me on bedrest, since I don’t think I could physically do anything else.  

And we are now proud owners of a minivan.  Wow.  
 

[starling&diesel]

Oh, right ... carseats, forgot about that, escher.   We have a Radian Sunshine Kids that is a breeze to install rear-facing and has a narrow profile.  It can be used from birth, right on up.  We love it.  My only word of advice when purchasing a convertible carseat is to check the manufacture date.  Our was manufactured in 2008, so it's older than we would like.  We didn't notice because my mom bought it and used it for a while before giving it to us when our bucket seat expired, and dd won't be able to use it all the way up because it will expire before she'll age or size out of it.  Bummer that. 

[starling&diesel]

cejae ... That's awesome about making it to 33 weeks!  Keep cooking, littles!  I'll have to look up that book, sounds good.  I keep meaning to read Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting and Gabor Maté's Hold onto your Kids, which reminds me that I should request them when we go to storytime at the library today.   As for books for you to read while on bedrest, I'd love to hear your opinions on Annabel, by Kathleen Winters, which is a novel about an intersexed child born to parents in a remote First Nations community in Canada's north (Labrador).  It got huge critical praise up here, but I have some pretty big opinions about it.  Would love to hear yours if you ever get around to reading it!

[cejae]

Starling, I can't believe I didn't know that Kohn has a book on parenting.  DP (a teacher) is a *huge* fan of his.  Adding it to my "to read" list right now.  I can't wait to read Annabel!  For being a fairly normatively gendered cis-female, I have *huge* opinions on all things sex and gender related, so I'm intrigued.  Thanks for the recs!

[julietea8]

Hi all.

That would be so great, Library, if we could have folks send us take out from great restaurants around the country! I hope you enjoy your visit with your DP's mom... maybe there's long nap on the horizon for you with an extra helper around?

Seref, excellent to get the diaper vid and the carry photos! Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge in these ways. Helps stuff sink in better than reading sometimes. By the way, I don't think you seemed anxious on camera. Maybe we all think that about ourselves. I have a hard time listening to myself even narrating a video.

Wehrli, I love those sweet pics of Silas. . . awesome hair, cute ducky get-up, and such a sweet little sleeper in your Moby. (Also, like that Righteous Babe magnet on your fridge.::) Glad to hear you're feeling good and getting the hang of everything so quickly. We had a walk with a couple of friends yesterday and their sweet new boy babe. It sounds like they settled into their groove around week 7 or 8. Different for every family and baby I'm sure.

Amanda (and Seref): You're gardens sound incredible. Yum, raspberries. We're trying to harvest the last of our favas to get more space in our beds, but have a bunch of other good stuff growing. An urban farmer friend of mine brought loofas to a party last weekend that she'd grown. I guess they are sort of like a climbing squash... you crack open the fruit and inside... an exfoliating sponge. How awesome!

Your plan for the next couple of years sounds great, Escher. It doesn't really sound that complicated to me and I'm looking forward to hearing how it works out for you. I think our plan will just have to involve some change in consumption and spending to tell you the truth. Childcare, like everything, is so crazy expensive out here. It's hard to pay for something that you don't really want... so I'm hoping to have at least 2 days, maybe 3 at home. Last year we were sitting around at dinner with our cousin and her partner talking about TTC. DW and I are very close to them and we all joked that it would be great if we could live w/in baby monitor reach of their house. So, we jumped on a house right near them which was really too expensive for us because it required all sorts of work. Somehow we managed financially to pull off that work in the last year, and now I'd like to stop leaking money everywhere, reduce our income and enjoy our family life with fewer work obligations. I guess that's the heart of the plan. Redirect our limited resources to what's most important.

Starling, you new co-op and your soon-to-be garden sound beautiful. And, thanks for the coffee shop suggestion. I love it. (And, the other suggestions on the board... leaving it at her house is a good idea, Seref.) Our anatomy scan is on the 24th as well, and I'm ready for it now!

AFM: Ok, I have to fess up... I imagined the rhinestones. I took one look at the blanket out of the package, gave a yelp, dropped it on the car seat and took off. When I showed it to DW, I realized I'd fully superimposed rhinestones on my memory of the thing because it's so hideous. So, now we're left with safe but ugly. Cousin K finds it very "baby boudoir" and points out that it will be warm. Heard the HB last week and know she's doing well, but very little movement yet. Nothing for at least a week. For a first time mama, this is normal at almost 19 weeks right?

[julietea8]

Good luck on the GTT today, Amanda!

[AmandaHope]

Julie: My midwife said that first time moms might not notice movement until as late as 24 weeks, at which point they do seem to get nervous.  So you have quite a ways to go.  I'd give it another week or so--I bet you'll feel more by 20 weeks.  The babe is growing fast now.  Glad to hear that the rhinestones were imagined ;-), but it still sounds over the top.

Starling and Seraf: Thanks for the parenting book recs.  I think I might make a trip to the library and have a look. 

Thanks for the GTT wishes, everyone.  It was not a pleasant morning, but as long as I was in the office, I got them to do a cervix check and test for a UTI just in case the intermittent cramping I've had actually means anything.  My cervix is closed tight, which was a relief, and I'll find out about the UTI and GD tomorrow.  Fingers crossed for the results I need to maintain a low-key pregnancy!

[carmen358]

My DP really enjoyed Kohn's Unconditional Parenting...I haven't read the whole thing but liked what I did read. I recently took Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids out of the library and even though I didn't get to read much of it, it was fairly interesting. I also took out Playful Parenting but I didn't get past the front cover. I tend to take 20 books out of the library at a time thinking that of course I'll have time to read them all ;) Oh, and DP also really enjoyed 2 books by Magda Gerber (RIE method)...I didn't read them and I can't remember the titles.

[julietea8]

Thanks for the encouragement, Amanda. I'm sure I'll feel something a little more clear soon. And, my anatomy scan is next Tuesday, which we hope will be a great little peek. Hoping for good results for you today!

[cejae]

VENTING

Grrrr.  I'm trying to set up  the second parent adoption process and I feel like no one in Colorado has ever even heard of it!  Lawyers have no set fees for a second parent adoption (totally different than CA), the county clerk treated me as if I had 5 heads when I asked her about it, and the lawyers themselves seemed confused about the entire process.  Sigh.  So much different than California. 

Done venting now.  I'm sure this sort of thing can't be helping my blood pressure!