My mom is driving me craaaaaazy. She really wants to be in the room when the baby is born. I've made it clear that it will be just me, DH and my Dr. (btw, MW attended home-births are illegal in my state and we have no birthing centers and few midwives. I love my Dr....she is low-intervention and has two small children of her own. I feel super relaxed around her).
My mom says, "well your father was with me when I gave birth to all of you kids and he was pretty much useless! You are going to be scared and need your mother!" Um, my dad (a very traditional, small town midwestern, military macho man) is wayyyyy different than my husband (who has been reading his natural childbirth books, helps me with my stretches and breathing practice and brews my RRL tea each evening).
My mom keeps reminding me that she was with my younger sister when she gave birth to her oldest. She's extremely close to my younger sister. I don't have as close of a relationship with my mom...we get along on a surface level, but tend to disagree about everything. My mom is very hyper and when she's nervous, she becomes very shrill and fakey, talking in a sing-songy voice. In the past, her behavior has caused my blood pressure and anxiety levels to rise. NOT at all what I want to happen as I am in labor!
The other big thing is that my mom has very mainstream beliefs about childbirth, babies and parenting. She did not breastfeed any of us 3 kids. She insists that "formula and pablum" worked just fine with her babies and that we all grew up to be healthy and strong (which is not true...we were all constantly sick with serious allergies, and my sister has many health problems). I remember hearing my mom make snide comments about other women in our community who breastfed (ie. that it was gross and perverted). My mom also came a social group/culture that thought breastfeeding was for "poor foreign women." So basically, my mom is not the person I want around me when I am trying to figure out breastfeeding for the first time.
Add to that my mom's ideas about "crying it out" and "manipulative infants" make me want to keep her at an arm's length during the birth and first weeks of my child's life.
I watched as my younger sister followed mom's parenting advice to a T... and the resulting lack of a bond that she has with her kids and some of the behavior and health issues she's been dealing with.
Anyway. I'm 39W5D and quickly losing my patience with my mom. I was pretty snappy with her on the phone today and explained that "it is my birth and I make the rules."
I'm pretty worried that she may just show up at the hospital when she hears I'm there and try to get into the delivery or recovery room. I've got DH prepped on what to do if this happens.
Sorry for the long vent! Is anyone else dealing with a mom like this?