Any Young Mamas Out There??? - Page 2

[mamapigeon]

I'm 22 and about to have my first!

[esg]

My son is 2 months old and I turned 25 a little more than a week after I had him.

I'm just getting into mom groups but have found that some of them either don't share my parenting views or I'm the younger one in the group.

Speaking of LLL, I went to my first meeting yesterday and loved it.  I think I might be in the middle of the age group but the way we parent is very similar so its fun. I was expecting to be the youngest there too.

[zenmumajen]

Originally Posted by WifeofAnt 

Hi!  I think I'm currently the youngest of the group.   I'm 21 and have a 4 month old son.  I get nearly zero meaningful real life mommy to mommy time (of course I have zunmumajen now!).  My parents (I'm living with them while my husband is deployed... what a way to be mistaken for a single mom!) want me to go out and join some random mommy or military wife group.  HECK NO!  I can't even see eye to eye with my inlaws and I'm related to them.  I don't need *more* people telling me to "let him scream" or not hold him so much.  Everyone else my age having kids are having 'oops' babies.  They're doing the parenting thing because they have to, not because they want to, and it really shows. Speaking of... I'm waiting for my mom's friend's daughter to have her baby.  She's 16 and 38 weeks.  I hope I can get to her before everyone else does.  She's still not sure if she wants to breastfeed but I'm going to spend some time over there after the baby is born to help her out. 
 

(MDC is being weird on my computer, not showing the little cursor thing in the text)

I've invested so much in this girl... She requested cloth diapers at her baby shower and ended up with 4 packs of size 1, one pack of size 2, and one pack of size 5 disposables!  I was the nice little friend and bought her 8 BumGenius and 6 size small FuzziBunz.  I hope she was able to get some more.

My dad made some comment on how I shouldn't be getting her gifts because she was so young and wasn't married (wtf?!).  I don't care that she's young or unmarried.  She's having a baby and the baby deserves to have as normal a childhood as possible.  People can be so callous to young moms...

Which reminds me, I was asked if my son was my brother the other day!!

Yay! I am so excited and glad we met! 

As for your friend that is pregnant- it sounds like you are being an awesome support system for her which is probably really needed! Try not to get so invested that if she doesn't end up breastfeeding/cloth diapering that you get upset. I mean- of course you are going to be disappointed. I wish all my friends would parent the same way as me but at the end of the day I know I am doing what works for me and they are doing what works for them. On the same note- I am in a similar position except my friend is not pregnant yet but she is trying. I feel like sometimes when I am explaining how I parent (she is so curious and asks so many questions) that I am selling natural parenting (which makes me feel kind of icky). I justify it though that if it weren't for Mothering I may have not been exposed to these ways of parenting so I am just exposing these topics to her and why it works for us and if she so chooses to follow down this path then great! I hope that you will be able to make a difference! 

Unfortunately- I can believe someone asked you if James was your brother! I hear about this happening all the time with young moms! Or "are you the babysitter/nanny"? I don't even know what I would do if someone asked me that!

[happyhippie]

Originally Posted by zenmumajen 

Unfortunately- I can believe someone asked you if James was your brother! I hear about this happening all the time with young moms! Or "are you the babysitter/nanny"? I don't even know what I would do if someone asked me that!

OMG, I would be so sad if someone asked me that! But I wear dd so much, they must think she is my daughter.

Um, I don't think selling natural parenting is a bad thing. I feel like so many parents aren't even aware of other options out there. I definitely don't think everyone has heard of attachment parenting, so you are just spreading the love and doing your part. 

WifeofAnt, congrats on the new baby. I am a part of a group of mommy's that are completely different from me in every way. It is just one of the outings I do during the week so I don't go bonkers. Besides, I always hope I can show someone how cool it is to breastfeed in public or sling their baby. I love seeing change transpire and maybe you could do the same 

[zenmumajen]

Well I wasn't saying that "selling it" is a bad thing but it is a personal thing. Also it really depends on how you define "selling", in particular,  a parenting style. When I think of the word "sell" I automatically think of pressure. 

I have had people try to sell me or pressure me on formula feeding and how it is better,  which really upset me. I don't want anyone to feel pressured to do anything and this is what I meant by that. It makes me feel icky because I don't want to come off to my friend that if she does not do it my way she isn't as good as me. I hope you understand and hopefully I didn't step on anyone's toes...

[love4bob]

I suppose I am! I am right around where you all are! I'm 23, and pregnant with #4! I had my first at 18, second at 20, third at 21, and fourth I'll still be 23. I didn't know many other moms until we moved here. DH is in the Army, so there are a lot of other young Army wives/moms here. Very few of my old friends from high school can relate to me at all, so most of us drifted apart.

I'm currently in college studying B.A. in Social Science Education (going to be a high school history teacher hopefully). I should graduate December 2012. 

My husband is also currently deployed, and he will be home in June!  (baby 4 is an R&R baby) We have been married for 5 years in July.

ETA: I CONSTANTLY get asked if I am the babysitter or sister. People also always say "Are they all yours?" or say "You have your hands full, don't you!" Well duh. lol.

[ExpectantMama19]

Well, it looks like I'm now the youngest of this age group! I'm 19 and my fiance and I are expecting our first little sometime in November. I'm 10w and I'm just starting to get a little bump on my belly from our little "Peanut." I can't wait for people to start asking me when I'm due and if the baby is a boy or girl, but right now, all I hear is, "You're putting on a little weight." or "Don't you think you should start cutting back on what you're eating and exercising more? You don't want to become a fat slob." This really aggravates me and hurts my feelings. I've always been a bigger girl, and people haven't really said much about my weight in the last couple of years (since I graduated high school) and I was starting to gain self confidence and feeling good about myself. I'm overjoyed at being a mama and can't wait to hold my little one in my arms the first time, but those remarks really upset me. Have any of you younger mama's experienced anything like this? My nephew will be 2 in June, and when I take him out, I'm always being mistaken for his mom, and I can tell that people automatically assume that I'm a single, teen mom and they turn their noses up and look away. This used to bother me, but now, I simply don't care what other people think about me. I know what's what and I'm very happy with the way my life is right now!

[zenmumajen]

Originally Posted by love4bob 

ETA: I CONSTANTLY get asked if I am the babysitter or sister. People also always say "Are they all yours?" or say "You have your hands full, don't you!" Well duh. lol.

Why why why isn't really anybody's business if they are yours or not!? Ughh...

I love all of your children's names by the way! 

Originally Posted by ExpectantMama19 

Well, it looks like I'm now the youngest of this age group! I'm 19 and my fiance and I are expecting our first little sometime in November. I'm 10w and I'm just starting to get a little bump on my belly from our little "Peanut." I can't wait for people to start asking me when I'm due and if the baby is a boy or girl, but right now, all I hear is, "You're putting on a little weight." or "Don't you think you should start cutting back on what you're eating and exercising more? You don't want to become a fat slob." This really aggravates me and hurts my feelings. I've always been a bigger girl, and people haven't really said much about my weight in the last couple of years (since I graduated high school) and I was starting to gain self confidence and feeling good about myself. I'm overjoyed at being a mama and can't wait to hold my little one in my arms the first time, but those remarks really upset me. Have any of you younger mama's experienced anything like this? My nephew will be 2 in June, and when I take him out, I'm always being mistaken for his mom, and I can tell that people automatically assume that I'm a single, teen mom and they turn their noses up and look away. This used to bother me, but now, I simply don't care what other people think about me. I know what's what and I'm very happy with the way my life is right now!

Congratulations! Hopefully you don't have terrible morning sickness! It is perfectly normal to gain wait during pregnancy and you can only control what you gain to a certain extent. Eat a well-rounded diet and if you are feeling up to it and have the time -exercise! I hardly ever went to the gym while pregnant- although I should have went more because it does help you in labor! Try to find time to walk- as you get further into pregnancy it will become harder but you shouldn't feel bad if you aren't feeling up to it.  I can't believe somebody said you don't want to become a "fat slob"....pregnancy is beautiful and actually my body self-confidence boosted then. I knew my body was going to call the shots when it came down to weight gain! Don't worry about what others say! 
 

[love4bob]

Mainly it's from old people. I look really young too, so they are probably curious. lol. Old people love kids! And thank you about the names. I love them too! lol. 

Originally Posted by zenmumajen 
Why why why isn't really anybody's business if they are yours or not!? Ughh...

I love all of your children's names by the way! 

[happyhippie]

Congrats on the baby expectantmama!

love4bob: I heard it said on a different thread before that when someone says "Oh you have your hands full" you can respond "better full then empty" 

Because it is so true. Congrats on being a mama to 4 already. Amazing!

[WifeofAnt]

Originally Posted by Graceie 

Wife is there a AP group in your area ? or LLL ?? I love my LLL group even though Im the yougest there and single

I still have to find the LLL (they only meet publicly once a month) but the only AP group I can find isn't even active.

And of course I come back here immediately after hearing she doesn't want to breastfeed anymore (its 'too hard' but she hasn't even had the baby yet)!  Whatever.  If she doesn't want my help to even try at least she's on WIC so she'll have something to feed the baby.  I'll just have to figure out how to not take it personally that she's been leading me on since we met.

Edited by WifeofAnt - 4/11/11 at 1:08pm

[Graceie]

And of course I come back here immediately after hearing she doesn't want to breastfeed anymore (its 'too hard' but she hasn't even had the baby yet)!  Whatever.  If she doesn't want my help to even try at least she's on WIC so she'll have something to feed the baby.  I'll just have to figure out how to not take it personally that she's been leading me on since we met.

YES !!!! I feel your frustration ! I had one Friend like that it was really hard I have a pet peeve about someone saying one thing to make me happy and making another plan somewhere else . but then I learned and remembered that women are so taulht not to rock the boat and to people please and may of us are not has assertive has we could be . I know it taken me along time to be conformable with my decisions to the point I can speak up and brush off those who dont agree .

[WildDoula]

Hey ladies! This is just what i've been looking for. 

Hopefully no one minds, as we are TTC #1, not really a mama yet. I am 18, and my husband is 21. 

To jump in on the conversation, I definitely understand the frustration with our age group. I offered to doula for my friend who is about to have her first, and she had no idea what I was talking about, or why she would need that. Breastfeeding is a hard topic for me as well, since I believe so strongly in it, and since so few people I know actually commit to it. 

[greencarnation]

I am 23 and 22 weeks with our first!  

[WifeofAnt]

Originally Posted by Graceie 

YES !!!! I feel your frustration ! I had one Friend like that it was really hard I have a pet peeve about someone saying one thing to make me happy and making another plan somewhere else . but then I learned and remembered that women are so taulht not to rock the boat and to people please and may of us are not has assertive has we could be . I know it taken me along time to be conformable with my decisions to the point I can speak up and brush off those who dont agree .

Oh I just figured out WHY she wants to bottle feed.  She wants to send the baby away with her father (who could only be *less* in the picture if he weren't the father at all) so she doesn't have to take care of her.  Right now she's in the hospital with her epidural sleeping.  Way to go, two parents (and four grandparents) who appear that they couldn't care less.  If you can't be bothered to be inconvenienced in the slightest, why even keep the baby?  I know at least a handful of people who would jump at the chance to adopt her.

[Momma Moo Martin]

Hello fellow Mommas!  I just found this thread and I wanted to say hello.  I turned 22 the day after my daughter was born so I think I fit right in with the rest of you.  I'm so glad to hear of lots of younger mothers who are showing that being younger doesn't mean that you can't be an awesome mother.  <3   

[Danielle0407]

Saying hi quick too. I don't feel like a young mama any more but I guess I still am. I had my DD when I was 17, and my DS when I was 20. I'm 24 now, DD is 7 and DS will be 4 in september.

[Amatullah0]

Originally Posted by zenmumajen 

Hi! Yay a young mama's tribe! =)

I was barely 22 when I had my son last summer! I avoid LLL meetings and mom's groups because I am scared that they are all going to be older and long down upon me. Everyone has told me that I look younger than my 19 year old sister and I have been mistaken as a teen mom. I wish that people (especially fellow mamas) didn't place such harsh stereotypes on people! 

I'm 21, I had DS when I was, what, 19? So I was a teen mom, lol(and I loved it, because being a teen mom is such a taboo in our culture). Now, in my religion, it's totally not unusual for women to get married younger, and have kids, and thats what I did, so although I was, technically, a teen mom, I never felt like it was a taboo except for when I was seeing doctors or midwives that weren't understanding of my religious/cultural background. 

Not that I think anything bad of teen moms.... I'm not trying to say that, but it was just a strange experience for me, I never felt any guilt in being a teen mom, and I rarely realized when people were probably stereotyping me. Most of my momma friends are older, but we share a common culture, common aged kids, similar parenting styles, and I knew them from when I was younger. 

and  Jen, if you ever want to get together, I'll be back in the states in July, just send me a PM :) I've only been to the Livonia LLL meeting once(just looking for some help BFing, didn't have the time to stick around and chat at that time), but we could go tackle it(or some other group) together if you'd like ;) 

[zenmumajen]

Originally Posted by Amatullah0 

I'm 21, I had DS when I was, what, 19? So I was a teen mom, lol(and I loved it, because being a teen mom is such a taboo in our culture). Now, in my religion, it's totally not unusual for women to get married younger, and have kids, and thats what I did, so although I was, technically, a teen mom, I never felt like it was a taboo except for when I was seeing doctors or midwives that weren't understanding of my religious/cultural background. 

Not that I think anything bad of teen moms.... I'm not trying to say that, but it was just a strange experience for me, I never felt any guilt in being a teen mom, and I rarely realized when people were probably stereotyping me. Most of my momma friends are older, but we share a common culture, common aged kids, similar parenting styles, and I knew them from when I was younger. 

and  Jen, if you ever want to get together, I'll be back in the states in July, just send me a PM :) I've only been to the Livonia LLL meeting once(just looking for some help BFing, didn't have the time to stick around and chat at that time), but we could go tackle it(or some other group) together if you'd like ;) 

I think it is really unfortunate at how taboo ten moms in our culture. Not ALL teen moms are horrible moms... and I think that they need more support than anybody and if we automatically inflict the stereotype that they are going to be horrible mom's ...well that is just not being supportive at all. I understand what you mean about doctors- my OB was very judgmental about my pregnancy, even my son's pediatrician and my dental hygienist.

That is funny that you loved being a teen mom because it was taboo- give me some of your courage! I am glad though that you have that sense of community with your religion and cultural background.

I would love to visit some groups with you- and get to know a fellow doula!  

[Right of Passage]

There's lots of young mamas here! I'm 24 and I have 3 little boys ages 5, 3, and 1.