I don't want to admit it. Homeschooling is not working, I desperately want to find out how to change things or make things better.
My two older daughters were in public school the last few years (they're 7 and 9 years). They in general had a pretty positive experience overall, not perfect but they both were doing well academically and their teachers loved them. We weren't as happy with one of their teachers last year (DD was reading far ahead of the other kids and she was pretty much being held back by the teacher). The other daughter was doing well also.
The one thing I didn't really like is that my second DD was super social and I worried about some attitude that she was bringing home and behaviors I'd heard about. The attitudes at the school seemed too grown up, there seemed to be a disconnect between home and school. We also seemed to get sick *a lot*. Which I hated.
My friends who homeschool seemed to have such positive experiences, and I thought I would be able to do it. My girls were happy and receptive at the time so we wound up signing up for an online based public school.
These are the problems we're having--
The kids are staying up way too late and getting up later. A huge part of it was that we always depended on the bus to get us up early before (a reason to get up). Now we don't get up until DH has to go to work, which is later than most--winds up being around 8:30. You'd think it would be easy enough to get an alarm. DH shuts it off! He is a chronic snoozer. I don't even hear it, it's so quiet.
The girls don't seem to really want to do school at all. They're not really interested it. They started off interested, but then they just sort of pulled back. Now I have to push them so hard to get anything done at all. It's really stressful and frustrating.
I have to teach them different things, even when I'm super on task and everything it seems like I'm teaching them for like 7hours a day (even if each kid is only doing like a few hours it's not the same).
Because they're staying up late, DH and I have pretty much no time for eachother. He's really complained about it at times. I have no time for me. I can't remember the last time I got out of the house alone doing anything other than grocery shopping.
DH is also working a crazy amount of hours. He's at the office around 65-70 hours a week. Sometimes he has worked more like 100+ hours. And, his work involves travelling. Sometimes he's gone for days at a time. When he gets home he is still working on his blackberry and laptop. :(
I have two younger children, one who is at the age who would be starting school next year. The other is a toddler who gets into everything. It's incredibly hard to keep them occupied while the other kids are trying to do schoolwork. My youngest is at that stage...he makes BIG messes. It's awful. And, he is smart enough he can undo the locks on drawers/fridges, etc.
I am completely drained, wiped out. I am trying to do everything. As a result, everything is suffering. The house is messier than ever. I'm so wiped out I dread pretty much every day. DH does practically no housework. My older girls do a little to help out, but most things they need help with because they're too short of can only do part of the job themselves.
As I said. I'm wiped out. I just found grey hairs on my head this year. I am 35 pounds heavier than I've ever been. There have been times that I've been so stressed out I've felt physically ill. I'm just not taking care of myself. It just feels like there's just no time to do anything. I wish I was kidding.
I'm looking at this realistically. I am having this horrible experience with two. What happens when the next one has to go to school. He has speech issues too, so will need to go to speech. Which means somehow I'm going to have to drive him and all the kids with him over to speach a few times a week as it is if I homeschool again?!?!
I'm not gifted towards being an organized person to start with. The only way I've been able to ever be organized (and I used to be I have pictures and videos to prove it) is to have fewer things and fewer things to do. I don't do well with chaos, I don't do well with having a lot of things to do. I'm a high energy/outgoing personality and I'm staying at home all the time with the kids. This lifestyle does not fit my personality at all. I am usually a happy outgoing person. I feel like the life has been sucked out of me. If you gave me a few hours right now to do whatever I wanted to relax I'm not even sure of what I'd do.
And, yeah, I have a BIG family. I do the mommy and birthing stuff well. I natural birth/breastfeed until they wean/cosleep/keep them intact--you know all that wonderful natural parenting stuff. To admit that this is not working, well it's just a horrible horrible thing for me. I feel like an incredible failure. Having a large family is a lot of work as it is. Add all of this on top of that. It's like I have a full time job and work two overtimes on top of it.
Honestly I can't see myself doing this for another decade or so. This is just too hard. I have friends who homeschool, but they have like 1 or 2 kids. This is so completely different in my books from what they do. They also have family support. We have no local family at all, nobody to help out. I talked to some homeschoolers, they always try to be positive...tell me oh, do this and this, get rid of the online school, homeschool is always better you don't want the crud in public school. I don't even know where to go from here. I feel hopeless.