HELP! getting 4 year old to sleep after new baby comes

[motherbirthlove]

My son is 4, and will be almost 5 when the new baby comes. He sleeps in his own bed. He prefers it that way. We sleep trained him as a young toddler before I had done enough research. It seemed pretty easy on him though and he rarely cried. We were very careful to put him to bed when he was physiologically most ready to doze off on his own. Over the past year we have developed a pretty long bedtime routine. I read him 2 books, we talk about our day, I sing him lullabies and then hold his hand until he falls asleep. I LOVE doing this but on days when he is really riled up it can take over an hour. My question is this, how can I possibly sustain this routine with a new baby? My husband works nights and I will be the only one managing bedtime. Tonight I tried explaining that I would stay in the room but not hold his hand and it was like I had told him the most devastating news in the world. I did eventually convince him that I would still be there until he fell asleep and it did not take long for him to nod off after that. I worry he is still feeling some traumas from the sleep training... I want to help him heal from that... It is something that bothers me too. I hold deep regrets. I have come to cherish the time before bed and so does he. I don't want him to resent the baby for needing my attention at that time so I would really like to figure it out before the baby comes. T minus about 2 1/2 months...

[D_McG]

What is so traumatic about sleep training that doesn't involve crying? It sounds like it's going fine.

Everything changes with a new baby. You guys will find a new rhythm. You could do the hand holding thing for say 5 minutes and then leaver him alone. He'll adjust. At 4 he should understand it pretty well.

[Parker'smommy]

It sounds like it will go just fine. :) This is the way we got our dd to sleep on her own too. It was VERY gradual...VERY. When we moved her out of our bed, dh laid down with her in her bed for a few weeks. Then, he started sitting in a chair next to the bed, holding her hand. There were protests, and she wasn't happy about it, and she may have cried a little bit. But she wasn't alone, and he was with her, comforting her.  Then after a few weeks, he went to just sitting there next to the bed. Then, he started sitting there for 1 minute, and then saying, " I am going to get my clothes ready for work tomorrow. I will be back to check on you, and if you are laying still, I will come sit with you again". Most times, she was passed out by the time he got back :) Then, he stopped sitting with her and said he would come and "check on her". And he always did. She now falls asleep peacefully and easily, and on her own. 

So, keep it up, read lots of stories and love on him before bed too :) When babe comes, you can nurse baby while reading stories in bed, and give him his kisses good night.