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April! - We'll Be Fools No More! - Savvy Dating Thread!

post #1 of 72
Thread Starter 

Smart & Savvy, ladies.  Smart & Savvy.  With one another here on this thread, to remind ourselves of red flags where needed, I think we can keep foolishness in check and search for something healthy, smart, and reliable.

Unless you're just searching for a fling and transition relationship between divorce and future longer term partner.  Then, by all means, be foolish while having an absolute blast!  

post #2 of 72
Thread Starter 

As for me and cucumber, he is a smart bet every time.  I trust him that he isn't going to hurt me intentionally, ever.   And.... if he ever falls in love with me and my kids and starts to want to live with me and be a family with me, I think we will all be happy.  Until then, casual, simple, sweet, friendship-with-benefits, I suppose.  I trust he is worth waiting for, and it isn't a decision to rush, anyways.   Perhaps I still need time to decide if he's really the one for the rest of my life, as well.  It couldn't hurt to give it at least a solid year of dating before introducing the L word and talk of a future, right?  We're in month 9 now....   it feels wonderful, and he has a heart of gold.  That's enough for now.

post #3 of 72


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post


Unless you're just searching for a fling and transition relationship between divorce and future longer term partner.  Then, by all means, be foolish while having an absolute blast!  



ROTFLMAO.gifHmmm, sounds mighty familiar!  Love the title of this thread BTW!

post #4 of 72
OK. I need votes for what I should do tonight.

Option A: Go see a band that I'm not interested in at a place that will be packed with really young people with a friend of mine.

Option B: Drink wine and eat cookies all night at home by myself.

Option C: Go out to a neighborhood bar and hang out with the people I know there. I have sort of a crush on one of those people though and I really should avoid getting involved with him.


None of the above are very pleasing to me... I wish someone was available to just go to dinner and sit around and talk or whatever, but most everyone I know has Big Saturday Plans.
post #5 of 72

Molly, is that friend from option #1 willing to go do something else you'd be more excited about?? I'd say that's the best choice of them all.

 

Still not dating or really getting much action from my OKC profile, though I've been in rather a transitional place in my life the last month so I think I've just not been really open to it. I have gotten really clear about some things I'm looking for in a relationship which makes it both more daunting that I could find that and makes me less desirous of dating someone who I know isn't right. Such a dilemma orngbiggrin.gif

post #6 of 72

MEN SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OK I feel better now.  Just had to get that out.  Had plans today to hang out with a guy who is a friend but used to be a FWB this winter.  He had something he was doing till 4, was gonna come over after.  I fell asleep on the couch at a little before 4, woke up at 5:30... he hadn't called, texted, nothing.  Went ahead and made dinner plans with a girlfriend.  Texted him and said "so I guess you changed ur mind.  I'm having dinner with a friend.  Catch ya later."  He responded with sorry, got distracted.  blah-de-UAV-blah.  Uh huh... got distracted by something shiny while trying to pull your head out of your ___ and lost track of and hour and a half?  I shall call you "friend" no more...and there will most definitely not be any more "WB".

post #7 of 72

I had a great weekend with Mr Awesome. He's just so nice and sweet and kind and just plain awesome!   love.gif

 

Still staying in the moment. Definitely having fun!

post #8 of 72

Had a great weekend with the Incredibly Nice Guy. It'll be six months next week, and it's definitely getting serious. I could see him being the one. I found out that I won this big professional award that will be presented in another city -- on the day of his birthday -- in a couple of weeks. We had plans to celebrate his birthday with his friends, but he insisted that I go to get the award. We wound up deciding that he'll make the five hour drive with me, and we'll get a room in the other city that night and celebrate his birthday there with a little mini-vacation. He's so proud of me and I love seeing how much he respects me and respects the work that I do, and he also tells me constantly that I'm a great mother. I definitely respect him back. And I know we're not supposed to talk about this here, but other parts of the relationship are so amazingly good as well. My friends are all saying that they hope we'll get married, and I'm inclined to agree with them.

post #9 of 72

Butterfly... *hugs*  If you are truly happy then that is a good thing!  I can't help but pick up on your posts though, that you seem to be talking yourself into being happy.  I apologize if I'm totally off base.

 

 

Molly, what did you end up doing this weekend?

 

 

Moochie Mama, ugh!  That sucks!  *hugs*  I hate when guy friends bail like that.  It's like this big clear indication of how rude they are and unfortunately what the "friendship" means to them.  :(  I'm sorry hon!

 

 

MamaJen!  yay!!!  Congrats on the award!!  And that's great that your BF gets to be a part of that and you still get to do something special for his birthday too.  It's awesome when you are able to respect and support each other and have a great time!

 

 

I had another fabulous weekend, as well.  In fact, I have not had even a remotely close to an "okay" weekend since I met Tech Guy.  They have all been great and above!!  I am really loving life, and totally loving him.  This weekend we had the first overnight with the kids at his house.  It went awesome!  I cannot believe how much more of a functional Mom I am without my parents around undermining me and guilting me, etc.  Him and I work so well together and we just flow really well, the four of us.  DD helped Tech Guy make pizzas Saturday night and totally loved it.  She has her own little toy guitar at his house and she loves playing guitar with him, and talked about it all the way up to his house, and they got to play guitar together for awhile.  :D  It really touches my heart that they have found something to bond over... and it was totally by accident.  lol  Tech Guy is in a band and love music and one of his neighbors had given him a toy guitar as a house warming gag gift.  So he gave it to DD, and she just totally fell in love with it and now asks all the time for her and Tech Guy to play guitars together.  So cute!!

 

I'm just incredibly happy right now.  :D

post #10 of 72
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moochie Mamma View Post

MEN SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OK I feel better now.

 

{snip}

 

 I shall call you "friend" no more...and there will most definitely not be any more "WB".



LOL

post #11 of 72
I am so happy for everybody who has a good thing going! joy.gif

Moochie, only some men suck. Okay, maybe a LOT of men suck, but not all of them do. Definitely withdraw that guy's benefits permanently.

Luckily, I ended up finding a friend who wanted to get dinner and hang out instead of doing option a, b, or c on Saturday. I should have just stayed in, because I wasn't in a very social mood and all the people around were getting on my nerves. And this friend is supposed to be a friend WITHOUT benefits, but he made a huge pass at me. I'm really unhappy about that.

Last night I went on a boring, no spark internet date. I went and had a drink afterward at my favorite place and got a super sweet (but slightly drunken) pep talk from a guy I know there. I have one more internet date scheduled for tomorrow and a guy from the neighborhood who interests me. I shall see what develops from those and if nothing happens then I will quit trying. Blech. I need another pep talk already.
post #12 of 72

What is OKC?

 

 

post #13 of 72
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moochie Mamma View Post

What is OKC?

 

 



 

Okay Cupid. It's a free online dating site.

I have a funny story about that, actually. I met the Incredibly Nice Guy almost a year and a half ago. We went on about three dates in January and February of 2010, and we really liked each other, but it fizzled out. I think both of us weren't ready for a relationship back then. We were both pretty recently out of our serious relationships. I kept on thinking about him all through that spring and summer, thinking how stupid I was for letting the relationship slip away, and thinking he was really the kind of guy I needed to be dating. We ran into each other at another party last September and talked the whole time, and made plans to hang out again, and the second time around, the relationship gelled and now we're all in love and stuff. :)

So anyway, back around the time I met the Incredibly Nice Guy the first time, a co-worker had badgered me into setting up an OKC profile. I resisted and finally did it, went on a couple of utterly boring dates and then took the profile down, deciding that online dating wasn't for me. A few weeks ago, my boyfriend told me something that cracked me up. He said that he had set up an OKC profile right before he met me. And the day after he met me (the first time around), he said that he went online and I came up as his top match. He took that as the universe telling him to ask me out. So he took down his OKC profile and asked me out through Facebook.

 

post #14 of 72

MamaJen- what a great story!!

post #15 of 72

 HI, I haven't posted on here in quite some time...I'm monkey'smom, single nurse mama to an awesome 10 year old boy....anyhow, I need some advice, and I was hoping you wise ladies could help me sort this out.

 

 So.....last spring, I had a random hookup with an aquaintance of mine...it's what I was looking for, and he fit the bill. I  moved an hour away about a month later, and we didn't really talk too much afterwards except for the occasional small talk if we ran into each other. He was going through a divorce at the time, I was getting ready to move to a new city, and truthfully, I really didn't think about it much afterwards.

 

 Anyhow, a couple of months ago, I checked out his fb, and for some reason, he started to cross my mind. We had hung out many times before this, and I had never viewed him as a potential partner, he was just someone I would go for drinks with along with a few other people every few weeks.

 

 Then Lo and behold, he messaged me one night saying the reason he was shy around me was because of what had happened that night last spring. Long story short, it had been a long while since I had seen any action whatsoever, he and I were going to the same concert, and I kind of figured we would hook up. And we did. That night was fun, and a one t point I said " you know what? I actually like you!" because I was surprised that we were having so much fun. He said " I know, it's weird, I like you too."

 

 Since I was still in the mind frame I was just looking for a one night fling, I went ahead  and did the deed with him. The next morning we chatted a bit, then I left. Since then, he has been on my mind A LOT. and I'm not someone who develops feelings after something like that, especially if it was what I had intended in the first place. I would actually like to hang out with him again, this is the first time I've been smitten with someone in a long while.

 

 We had a little bit of talk on FB afterwards, concerning my missing phone...it turns out I had left it in a friends car. Since then, nothing.

 

 I have a profile on POF, and I came across him on the site. I'm trying very hard not to message him, because, if he wanted to see or hang out with me again, he would contact me, right? he has me on FB....I know I probably messed things up by sleeping with him, but like I said, that's all I wanted it to be. Knock some sense into me ladies, and tell me how he's not that into me! except that, as it always go when you get a crush on someone, I'm finding little loopholes in everything, like " he was the one who said he was shy around me!" and...well, obviously he's looking for something...we've been friendly for awhile, maybe he is interested...I don't know.

 

 

post #16 of 72
monkey'smom, I totally think you should get in touch with him and let him know that you are interested in him for more than a hook up and see what he says. smile.gif
post #17 of 72

 you really don't think that he would contact me if he wanted to? because I'm  the one who is all smitten junior high like...( meaning that I have no idea if I actually want to pursue anything, but he's on my mind and I would probably get all giggly and weird if we started talking)....I know for fact I would say, if it was a gf of mine " He'll get in touch with you if he wants...when a guy is into you...you know it, and if there's any doubt, or your wondering why he hasn't called/txtd/msg'd/....then you have your answer." And! the last thing I want to do is scare him off if there is any potential for anything...be it a spring time fling, or something more......I have worked so hard to be in a place where I am content being single, have a good life that I"m happy with....and I don't want to fall back into old patterns of chasing down a guy who has no interest. Although, this is probably the first time in my life where I think " you know what? he should like me, I've got it going on..."  and really think that if he did reject me, I could just be like " oh well, your loss! next!".....rather than knowing I would get down and probably waste a ton of mental anguish over why he wasn't interested.

post #18 of 72

      I'm in shock! I had two  dates and they both went really well. The first guy "J" was really sweet and does seem to want to hang out again though I did think he was losing concentration by the time we said good bye. We only met for coffee so were chatting for 1 1/2 hours. He's texted me since then so I know he does actually want to meet again. He did seem a lot of fun but I am not sure about him....

       The second guy "C" took me out on a real, old fashioned date! He picked me up and took me out for dinner, we went for a walk and then he drove me home. He was totally adorable! He did seem to struggle with conversation though, not a wide variety of topics that he seemed comfortable just chatting about, but it was the first time we had met and I know he felt he had a lot to live up to. (My house is huge so it's obvious my sbx is successful) He's got a 10yr old dd from his first marrige and seems to adore her. He even mentioned how she has never been smacked by him or his ex (that he knew off)! A very good sign! 

post #19 of 72

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by monkey'smom View Post

 you really don't think that he would contact me if he wanted to? because I'm  the one who is all smitten junior high like...( meaning that I have no idea if I actually want to pursue anything, but he's on my mind and I would probably get all giggly and weird if we started talking)....I know for fact I would say, if it was a gf of mine " He'll get in touch with you if he wants...when a guy is into you...you know it, and if there's any doubt, or your wondering why he hasn't called/txtd/msg'd/....then you have your answer." And! the last thing I want to do is scare him off if there is any potential for anything...be it a spring time fling, or something more......I have worked so hard to be in a place where I am content being single, have a good life that I"m happy with....and I don't want to fall back into old patterns of chasing down a guy who has no interest. Although, this is probably the first time in my life where I think " you know what? he should like me, I've got it going on..."  and really think that if he did reject me, I could just be like " oh well, your loss! next!".....rather than knowing I would get down and probably waste a ton of mental anguish over why he wasn't interested.



What have you got to lose by sending him a text?  Sounds like he might be shy and/or think all you wanted was a 1-night hookup.  If it was me I would send him a generic "how are you?" message and see what happens.

post #20 of 72
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkey'smom View Post

 you really don't think that he would contact me if he wanted to? because I'm  the one who is all smitten junior high like...( meaning that I have no idea if I actually want to pursue anything, but he's on my mind and I would probably get all giggly and weird if we started talking)....I know for fact I would say, if it was a gf of mine " He'll get in touch with you if he wants...when a guy is into you...you know it, and if there's any doubt, or your wondering why he hasn't called/txtd/msg'd/....then you have your answer." And! the last thing I want to do is scare him off if there is any potential for anything...be it a spring time fling, or something more......I have worked so hard to be in a place where I am content being single, have a good life that I"m happy with....and I don't want to fall back into old patterns of chasing down a guy who has no interest. Although, this is probably the first time in my life where I think " you know what? he should like me, I've got it going on..."  and really think that if he did reject me, I could just be like " oh well, your loss! next!".....rather than knowing I would get down and probably waste a ton of mental anguish over why he wasn't interested.


Disclaimer: I want to be on equal footing with the men in my life. If I want a guy, I find out if he wants me back. I don't try to read his signals. I just ask.

I'm guessing he might be feeling like you might not be that into him. Or he might not be very into you. But if you don't ask, you will never know.
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