Children with grand, impractical schemes - Page 3

[loraxc]

Does she have a key friend/partner in crime who could help her do this? If it were my DD, I would organize an afternoon party for the kids from like 1-5 - they could spend the day working on the play, and then the adults could come and enjoy appetizers and the play at 5. Would that be fun for your DD? Is something like that what she would like to do?

Yes, it is what she would like. But she has only one friend who could be relied on to "commit" to the production (and the kid who would like it most does not have the reading skills, which may be tricky). There aren't enough kids who would be on board, unfortunately. I think it would have kids in it, but that it's a great idea to enlist adults to help and to keep the thing on course.

But I think it is very natural for a child who has been in a number of performances herself to think that the end product of a children's play is to have the play performed by children for an audience, this isn't something that would be put into her head by a parent's facilitation. Whether it could realistically happen without that parent's facilitation is another thing, and so is whether she is going to expect more and more facilitation in the future, if her parents were ready to go down that slippery slope - which the OP says she isn't. But it's something that she thought up herself, has been increasingly insistent about and the OP is getting increasingly desperate at warding it off. It isn't realistic to still talk about the possibility that the OP's DD might think about plays as if their purpose were not to get people to perform them, because she doesn't, so whether it might be desirable to keep it that way is beside the point.

Exactly. That ship has sailed.

Maybe she'd be persuadable to be "assistant director" or be assisted by one of the OP's theater friends,

That's a good idea, too! I think there really need to be adults for it to work (just as a child this age would need support to sew a dress or bake cookies), but you're probably right that they could support as actors OR directors.

[Roar]

Originally Posted by Tigerle 

I don't quite get you - why would writing be exclusively be about things coming to life in your own head? I'd think most people write plays or stories because they want to bring things alive in other people's heads? Otherwise they might stop at journaling, and lock up the journals with instructions to have them burned after your demise. Some people do just that, of course.

But I think it is very natural for a child who has been in a number of performances herself to think that the end product of a children's play is to have the play performed by children for an audience,

The only way a story comes alive is not with a complete staged performance - it can happen in the writer's head, in the reader's head, in a show that the child has the capability of entirely setting up themselves. My point isn't that it is "unnatural" for the child to thing of her play being performed. Not at all. The point is if the mom is trying to "give the gift" of making the play happen AND saying it is one time special thing, that is telling the child that there is no point in writing anything again. For mom to make the defining moment of this project something based on her recruiting her friends is to me shifting the focus in ways that are fundamentally contrary to helping the daughter develop as a writer. Maybe it is a question of goals and helping the daughter develop as a writer isn't a concern. Mom may have the sense the kid isn't really into writing and this is one time thing so it more important to make it about the gift when the kid has had a rough year. At any rate, I think I've pretty much said my peace on this one. I hope it all works out well and the daughter gets what she's looking for.

[Tigerle]

Okay, I get your point now. Thank you for clarifying.

I understand that you'd rather bow out of the discussion, so feel free to ignore my answer, but I feel the need to comment for the OP's sake - your take on this feels so gloomy to me...

Telling your child that the staging party is a very special thing for the end of the school year or her transition or her first real play or whatever isn't telling her this is the only way a play of hers can ever come alive and it is not telling her there is no point in writing anything again.

Beyond being a gift, it is showing her exactly one way of bringing this alive, and how the adults involved went about it. A very lavish way that cannot be often repeated, but one that works (I hope!). After this has worked, the OP's daughter can find out about more ways at drama camp, or the OP can help her set up a puppet theater, or she can find a kid-directed drama group in her new school, or she can make new friends in her new class who the next production is just that bit more realistic with with a lot less adult involvement, and she's growing and her needs are changing...

And the OP has made it clear that this project wasn't ever just a writing project, but always a producing/casting/scenery-creating(costume-making/staging/directing project - the only thing the child not wanting to do being performing herself! And I think it isn't clear yet at all which part of this (if any of course) she will find her passion in. But if she never gets to try it out until she is a grown up and can make everything happen herself...she'd wait too long, I think.

[Roar]

I may just be coming from a really different educational perspective and at a different place in the parenting journey. I'm far enough along that I can look back... and when I do one of the things I see worked best is keeping it simple and keeping out of the kids' way. Yes, that means sometimes they won't get everything they want and they will stumble in ways that they wouldn't if we made it happen for them, but it also means they may take it in directions far better than we could have. I don't see anything gloomy about respecting kids and having confidence that their own initiative may lead them to places better than our efforts will. Having spent a lot of time around a wide range of kids' activities I've seen plenty of examples where kids would be better off if parents backed it up trying give the kids the gift of making the child's ideas a reality. We were involved in a theater group where with each passing year parents tried harder and did more. It all came from very positive and good intentions of trying to give kids something, but from my perspective the more that was given the more than was taken away.

[loraxc]

but from my perspective the more that was given the more than was taken away.

I do know what you mean here, incidentally. We have tried various activities, ranging from highly parent-led/parent-initiated to very hands-off and kid-directed. But I see plusses and minuses to both approaches. When the kids lead, it can be awesome, but sometimes it can just be terrible. I have at times told myself that they are getting things out of it that I can't perceive, but honestly, sometimes it's just a mess, and the most alpha kids prevail, and nothing really goes anywhere. It's an exercise in group dynamics, for sure, but maybe my kid didn't sign up for an exercise in group dynamics, YK? OTOH, I have also witnessed joyless 6yos being frogmarched through overstructured activities they didn't care about, and that's no fun, either.

I really think there's a happy medium, and that it just kind of depends, on so many factors, including kid personality, for sure. FI, I don't worry that DD's desire to create is fragile or likely to be easily mangled. Maybe that will change as she gets older, but right now it appears indefatigable.