Very concerned over Music on radio, pop culture - Page 2

[raksmama]

Karalina,

You did not mention where your kids heard these songs. If on the radio, try and find a  radio station that plays other things besides the top 10

did you boys buy the cd or download the tune?

If that is the case I don't think you can really get rid of it now, but you can expose your kids to different music and there is so much good music out there to listen to!

as I mentioned in my previous post, one my son discovered some of the other types good music out there he started liking all the top 10 hits a lot less.

[ssh]

Originally Posted by mtiger 

Isn't this an age-old issue? Our grandparents didn't like what our parents listened to, our parents didn't like what we listened to, and now we don't like what our kids listen to.

I found that it was helpful to find out what it is about the songs that they like - I can almost guarantee that the lyrics don't figure high on the list.

Yeah. I remember people thought rock and roll was satanic or something. Of course I was alive during the 60s. Parents were disturbed by all the free love and drug references back then. My 5 year old really likes swing, Glen Miller specifically, and some old rock stuff on one of our mix cds. We don't listen to the radio much, so she hears a mix of electronica, old rock, hip hop, alternative, world fusion, swing and techno. We do censor what she hears when she's with us. I don't think most pop is serious enough to worry about content, but there are some Tool and System of a Down Songs, for example, that are too discordant for small children. Angst and discord are for teens not preschoolers. Once she's older we'll stop the censoring.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

Welcome to the Jungle - Guns n' Roses.

Very good example - not sure why I didn't think of it.

[Karalina]

The question was asked "What is it you are afraid of"? that is a good question to ponder- off the cuff- I'd have to say that at 10- I have the opinion that kids' minds should be innocent of abuse, and people hurting each other for fun- or for abuse. and the outright sex mimicking--- I have provided my child with every reasonable good thing and protection i could for almost 11 years-- the good, the pure, and the beautiful.  This is just such a major letdown as a parent. It is like throwing a beautiful piece of artwork you have cherish and loved into a mudpit-- it hurts to see it---- I KNOW my child is not an object-- I am just saying metaphorically ---

I'll have to think some more about what it is specifically I am afraid of.........

[Karalina]

And he would rather die than hear my music--- he is all about the top 10 radio stations and whet they play at the roller rink and what his friends listen to at this point- but i will keep it in mind for the future-

[philomom]

I get you. I'm shocked sometimes, too. It seems like life is really a little rough and ragged around the edges lately. But I have shared my concerns with my kids and when we hear something like that together, we talk about it. The sexy/slutty stuff bothers me less than the misogynistic stuff. I was in the skateboard shop recently with my teenage son and a rap song came on in which the fellow said he'd slap the bitch up if she didn't blow him well. I had a long conversation on the van ride home with my son and his friend about that. Stressing that good sex was consensual and that the lady should get her pleasure, too. Whew! Parenting gets odder all the time.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Karalina 

The question was asked "What is it you are afraid of"? that is a good question to ponder- off the cuff- I'd have to say that at 10- I have the opinion that kids' minds should be innocent of abuse, and people hurting each other for fun- or for abuse. and the outright sex mimicking--- I have provided my child with every reasonable good thing and protection i could for almost 11 years-- the good, the pure, and the beautiful.  This is just such a major letdown as a parent. It is like throwing a beautiful piece of artwork you have cherish and loved into a mudpit-- it hurts to see it---- I KNOW my child is not an object-- I am just saying metaphorically ---

I'll have to think some more about what it is specifically I am afraid of.........

Speaking metaphorically, you haven't thrown that pieces of artwork into a mudpit. If you gave up on your son and decided that he is beyond help and let him do those sorts of things, then you have "thrown the artwork away". But you haven't and I doubt you ever will.

I was listening to some fairly non-innocent things before I was ten. I know many people who have been exposed to non-innocent things before they were ten. None of us lost our innocence because of it, or were damaged because of it. We were all raised by parents who understood that no matter what we were exposed to (songs like the ones mentioned above for me and some friends, movies like Psycho or Cheech and Chong for some of my friends, etc) they themselves were the number one influence on their children's lives.  And just like that, I have seen parents who did everything to filter out what they found objectionable end up with children who did loose their innocence early and in one case the parents did toss out that artwork because it had been "contaminated". Which is a shame because their son is a truly wonderful person.

Along with thinking about what scares you so much, you need to consider the difference between protecting your children from the bad things in the world and teaching them to not let these things affect how they live their life. If only because there is only so much you can protect them from and eventually they are going to have to deal with it without you there to help.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

Very good example - not sure why I didn't think of it.

I probably wouldn't have either, but I was listening to it at the time.
 

[Karalina]

This conversation is really enlightening for me.

I fully realize I am going to completely burn myself out by the time he's 11 if I don't change my perspective. I really appreciate and value the opinions of other mothers here on this board.

Does it seem like teenage years are starting earlier?

[Karalina]

Oh, and you were right- I would never give up on my boys for anything- it's so not about a judgement or an appearance for me- it is really my concern for his heart and his mind.

[AllyRae]

I can't speak to the rest of the songs (because let's face it...Ke$ha loves to sing about partying and being drunk off her rear.  Nothing redeeming about it, except it makes a killer workout soundtrack! LOL!)

However...why not use that Rhianna/Eminem song as a teaching moment. She's not asking to be abused in the song.  She WAS a victim of domestic violence.  The two singers are portraying the vicious abuse cycle...he abuses, she stops fighting it because it's happened so much, he apologizes, she comes back, he does it again.  Use that to teach about respect, the cycle of abuse, etc.

But yeah, a lot of the songs on the radio are pretty awful these days.  I don't think it's new though.  I remember similar messages even 10-15 years ago...

[Karalina]

So I did use it as a teaching moment after I took the CD out and threw it across the car! I know I know--- I have to control myself-- for some reason this has really set me off- this issue!

I ended up talking to my son about the lyrics- not that I ever thought I would be talking to a ten year old about this-- unless they've had the misfortune to live through something like that- he was truly shocked and dismayed that a man would hit a woman-- He said "You mean men hit women? That is disgusting!"  So he didn't even realize what the song was about-- i don't know if that makes it better or worse!! And he realized why i had a hard time with it----  This is just all happening way too soon for me-- i never expected this at age 10.

[AllyRae]

It's a good lesson for him to learn.  Unfortunately, 10 isn't too young.  I've seen children as young as 11 and 12 being abused by their "boyfriends".  I just helped teach a self defense class to a bunch of girl scouts, ages 6-12.  And a lot of the girls on the older end of that spectrum knew friends who had been hit by a "boyfriend" (I put it in quotes because I don't know that I consider children that age to be coupled.)

So, it's not too young for that conversation... :(

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Karalina 

So I did use it as a teaching moment after I took the CD out and threw it across the car! I know I know--- I have to control myself-- for some reason this has really set me off- this issue!

....  This is just all happening way too soon for me-- i never expected this at age 10.

It totally cracks me up that you lost it and threw something!  The irony!

Welcome to The Big Issues. It's a whole new phase of parenting, and one I think most of us are a little shocked by when it hits.

I let my kids listen/read/watch whatever they want, but I stay in the loop (we all share an iTunes account) and talk to them. A lot of the music my DDs (who are 12 and 14) like have great beats and sound very fun, but the lyrics are trashy. Some of the videos just cause me to shake my head. Girlfriend, by Avil Lavign, ends with her having managed to steal the boyfriend, and then taking into a public restroom stall. And all because "I can do it better."  And none of it is any worse that I what I listened to 30 years ago.

I decided I wanted to put together a play list of "emotionally healthy songs" (just for me) and ask my kids to help. It was a lot of fun. I keep talking to them, and so far, they seem have pretty good heads on the shoulders. Listening to trashy music hasn't translated into trashy behavior.

[nextcommercial]

You can't really stop him from hearing the songs.  I was also very cautious with my choice of music.  I listened to more easy going music when she was young.  I also checked most of her book choices, and movies too.

Growing up, we had music that has inappropriate lyrics.  I actually didn't understand most of those songs... even though I thought I did.  I listen to them now, and think "Holy cow.. THAT'S what it meant?"

But, movies and books had a much bigger impact on me.  I'm still traumatized by movies I saw as a kid.  "Soylent Green..... is people!"  I still haven't recovered from that one.

I read a book that I bought in the young adult section when I was 13.  It was about incest.  I thought it was about a brother and sister having the whole summer to dig a fort in the yard, when it was really about incest.  

But, most of the music, went over my head.  So, it never left an impression on me.  But, if you are uncomfortable with it, keep your radio on a channel you are comfortable with, and don't bring too much attention to lyrics when you don't like them.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

Listening to trashy music hasn't translated into trashy behavior.

This, exactly. DS1 mostly doesn't listen to things with truly obnoxious lyrics (well, at least by my standards, which are probably not as stringent as many!), but he's definitely listened to some. I remember hearing one that he really liked when he was about 15, and wincing at the disrespectful tone about women. He and I talked about it, too. But...he had a girlfriend at that time, and he was always very respectful to her. (Her mom has told me more than once that she really misses ds1, because her later boyfriends haven't treated her that well. DS1 and her are still friends, too - and he also helped her realize that one of her boyfriends was being verbally abusive, and she got out of it.) He's been respectful to every girlfriend since. While I know I'm seeing him with a mother's eyes, and may have some blinders, I truly believe he's just an all-around good person. His liking of a certain amount of music with sexually charged and/or violent lyrics doesn't change that.

[2goingon2]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

Welcome to the Jungle - Guns n' Roses.

Yeah that and pretty much anything by Prince from the late 70's to late 90's.  Loved it.  Made my parents cringe but they did not censor what I listened to.  Nor do I with my kids.  I don't like everything they listen to but I don't like everything my husband listens to, or my co-workers, etc.  I hate pop music today and really couldn't tell you what is popular now.  It's not so much the lyrics as it is the auto-tune crap.  Can't stand it.  We do a lot of NPR and satellite radio.  I do hear some of what my kids listen to because I hear it on their stereo or the computer or their iPod.  I can't censor what they listen to.  What I think is crap might be a masterpiece to them and that is the beauty of art.  We have however, discussed the lyrics when I have heard something that I find objectionable but not a whole lot bothers me other than music that is demeaning to women.  Then again my 17 year old is in to country right now and has everything from Van Morrison to Massive Attack on her iPod.  My 11 year old is a huge Marilyn Manson fan as well as Sia.  Go figure.

Can't relate to the videos though because we don't have cable or satellite or even local channels on our TV.  We only do Netflix.  My kids will show me some weird stuff on You tube though.  I'm just glad they are comfortable enough to share with me.

We may not always agree with what our children listen to but the bottom line is - censorship is bad all the way around. 
 

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by 2goingon2 
Can't relate to the videos though because we don't have cable or satellite or even local channels on our TV.  We only do Netflix.  My kids will show me some weird stuff on You tube though.  I'm just glad they are comfortable enough to share with me.

Everything is on YouTube.  They've also downloaded videos onto their iPods.

I, too, am glad that my kids are comfortable enough to share things with me.

[Doodlebugsmom]

This thread brings to my mind George Michael's "I Want Your Sex" and Samantha Fox's "Touch Me." Both were big radio hits when I was close the OP's son's age. Yep. I knew every word to both. If the Rhianna S&M song came on the radio when I was in the car with my kids, I'd either turn it off or talk to them about it. Dh and I listen to quite a bit of music that mentions drug use/abuse, but not in the "glamorous" way that Ke$ha may mention it. The kids have asked why they talk about drugs and we tell them that some people choose to use drugs for whatever reason. It really brings some good, healthy discussion about drugs/smoking/alcohol.

[eclipse]

The DiVynils "I Touch Myself" is another one that comes to mind for me.