Calling all working moms...anyone out there?

[BK Mommy]

Hi there.  After nearly 4 incredible months with my dd, Monday will be my first day back at the office.  It hurts so bad to think of leaving her with a sitter.  I feel so in tuned with my dd and so honored to be her mommy.  I feel like she is thriving and I am nervous that leaving her with a sitter won't be as good as what I could offer her.  

I get this huge lump in my throat whenever I think about leaving her with this person we barely know...dd waking up without me there to kiss her and talk to her....me not there to nurse her, to sing to her, to make her giggle....missing so many firsts to come.  And to top off my deep sadness, dd refuses to take a bottle, so I'm nervous she is going to starve herself or just scream and cry everytime the sitter tries to offer her a bottle (because this is what happens when dh offers her a bottle).  I always comfort her whenever she is upset...never let her cry.  She is such a calm, mellow baby and I think it is partly because I always tend to her when she makes even a peep.

I wonder if not being a SAHM will be one of my biggest regrets.  I know the obvious answer, is "can you cut back and just be a SAHM?."  But I do actually enjoy my work and I make nearly twice as much as dh so our hh income really depends on my contribution.  

I guess, I'm just hoping that working moms will write back telling me that it is going to be OK.  Would love any thoughts, tips or advice that you might have.

Thanks,

One Teary Eyed Mama

[DariusMom]

Everything will be ok. Go post over in the working and student moms forum. You'll get lots of support and btdt. Hang in there.

[cateerob]

 I had to return to work when my son was 12 weeks old and my daughter at 16 weeks...the bottle thing is hard, but babies will not starve themselves, my kids would not take a bottle if i was anywhere near them, so i had to leave the room or the house  for then to take a bottle from thier dad, once they took the first one from him,it was always ok with everyone else feeding them as long as i was not around, be prepared though for lots of night nursing, which is hard when you have to get up for work the next day, but a good way to reconnect with your dd. 

I really regret that i could not be a sahm but i was the main earner in the household and had to work, my situation was a bit different to your in that thier dad was at home and looked after them so i didnt have to worry about someone they did not know looking after them, but babies will adapt and in a way its easier to do it now than when they are older, it will become the norm for your dd and as long as you have a good sitter who attends to her needs and who will also grow to love her she will be fine. 

[madskye]

Going back to work is tough.  I told myself that I would give it a try and if it didn't work, re-evaluate.  It turned out DD did just fine at daycare, the daycare staff really put me at ease, and things went great for two years. In between her 2nd and 3rd year I started making a plan to work from home, and now I do that.

I don't regret going back to my job.  But, I do think the most important thing in being able to feel good about working out of the home is feeling secure and at ease with your childcare.  If you know your child is well cared for, and happy and thriving...then the rest is much easier to handle.  I went back to work when DD was 10 weeks, and she was a mellow baby too.  I nursed and bottle fed her and she would take either.  You might find that DCP is able to give her a bottle when you are not there--it's a different relationship, you know?

[marinak1977]

hang in there mama, it gets easier. I went back when DS was 5 months old. He is thriving in daycare and is enjoying playing and all the activities they have. He even has a buddy already at 15 months. The daycare is a part of his village and I get all mushy thinking about all the people that care about him.
I second visiting the Working and Student parent forum. You'll find a lot of support there.

[pink gal]

It will get easier.  I cried all the way to work on my first days back with both of my girls.  I work because my family needs my income to survive as well as the benefits that my job provides.  I also really enjoy my work, and that makes it much easier.  When you feel good about your work and the job you do it makes it easier to be at the office. 

There is even research that shows how a mother perceives her work, i.e. if she attributes meaning to the work she does, effects how her children adjust to her working.  Kids with moms who feel good about their work have an easier time separating and adjusting to their moms going to work. 

There is also lots of research that shows that kids of working moms are just as likely to be securely attached to their moms as kids of SAH moms.

Of course you will miss her, but if you have a good sitter that will be huge.  If you can make sure that your sitter does things the way you would do them that will help your little one to adjust and feel more secure.  For example, if she can do naptime routines just like you do, sing the same songs, play with the same toys, have the same blanket, etc. that will help your daughter to feel secure. 

Best of luck to you tomorrow.  Know that there are a whole lot of mamas out there who have walked in your shoes and are feeling great empathy for you.

[moonfirefaery]

I've been back to work for a little over two years now, and the guilt has grown considerably since I had to go back to work when I became a single mom. I feel like I have missed out on the day-to-day of his...toddlerhood. At the same time I know if I was home with both of them all the time, their constant squabbling would drive me crazy. I am hoping to one day be able to be a WAHM, at least, but we'll see how that goes. It gets easier. It's hard at first but you get used to it. And if you're ever feeling extra guilty, you can always call in sick and spend the day snuggling in bed with your little one. :)

[BK Mommy]

Pink Gal, thank you so much for sharing all of the tidbits about what research indicates.  I was so comforted by reading your note.  It helped ground my waffling emotion.  Truly, thank you!

Moonfirefaery, before having my little one, I wasn't the type to take the time to relax from work once in a while...would go to work with a cold etc.  Now that my priorities have shifted a bit, the perspective of being a mom does give me the permission to stop and breathe and remember what is most important at the end of the day and to not apologize for wanting to indulge in a little one-on-one time with my baby girl.  I will carry this advice with me.

[texmati]

it's gonna be more than ok. promise, promise!!!

Edited by texmati - 4/4/11 at 6:06am

[moonfirefaery]

Originally Posted by BK Mommy 

Pink Gal, thank you so much for sharing all of the tidbits about what research indicates.  I was so comforted by reading your note.  It helped ground my waffling emotion.  Truly, thank you!

Moonfirefaery, before having my little one, I wasn't the type to take the time to relax from work once in a while...would go to work with a cold etc.  Now that my priorities have shifted a bit, the perspective of being a mom does give me the permission to stop and breathe and remember what is most important at the end of the day and to not apologize for wanting to indulge in a little one-on-one time with my baby girl.  I will carry this advice with me.

Good! I plan a couple of days off in a row every few weeks to spend with the kids, usually just a three-day weekend; most bosses can accomodate the occasional Friday or Monday off. And I schedule myself to leave early about once a week so that I can have ME time, because you WILL start to miss me time and it is good for you to have it. So, go back to work, try to shrug off the guilt, and when you get the chance, play hooky. :) I find that if I'm feeling real guilty and take a lil time off, lesson my work load for a week or two, etc., it really helps. Everything will be ok. :)

[texmati]

This is such a great idea. I wish I had done this over the past few years.
 

Originally Posted by moonfirefaery 

Good! I plan a couple of days off in a row every few weeks to spend with the kids, usually just a three-day weekend; most bosses can accomodate the occasional Friday or Monday off. And I schedule myself to leave early about once a week so that I can have ME time, because you WILL start to miss me time and it is good for you to have it. So, go back to work, try to shrug off the guilt, and when you get the chance, play hooky. :) I find that if I'm feeling real guilty and take a lil time off, lesson my work load for a week or two, etc., it really helps. Everything will be ok. :)

[pink gal]

BK Mommy just wanted to check in with you and see how you're doing now that you've been back at work for a few days.  Hope all is well.

[BK Mommy]

All, thank you so much for the support with advice and good thoughts.  We made it through the first week.  It was hard to think about her spending her days with the nanny, but I managed.  It was kind of weird to be back at work, but I got a lot of support from other working moms.  And my job doesn't seem as interesting/stimulating as it did before.  I appreciate the suggestion to get through 90 days and then see how I feel.  LO took her bottle so that is great!  Pumping, then cleaning and microwave sterilizing can be a pain for sure, but I think it'll be worth it.  Still feeling things out.  Thanks again for all of the support!