Whenever I try to talk money with DH, he gets all stressed out and doesn't want to talk.
I think he feels like no matter how hard he works, he can't bring in enough money. I'm a SAHM. The problem is that he spends it, alot. Constantly buying stuff on ebay, paying for it through my paypal which comes directly from the checking account - I usually find these when I download our account info from the bank everyday or every other day. When he takes the debit card for gas - he always goes in the gas station and buys food or rockstars. He does not have his own debit card - because he can't be trusted to have one all the time. He usually has cash here and there from little side jobs / work on cars he does and spends that on whatever, so I don't even track or budget that amount.
The problem is we're struggling - living paycheck to paycheck. We have been able to pay all our bills. We have no debt except mortgage, put quite a bit in savings each month for stuff like car maintainance, christmas gifts, non-monthly bills, health savings, etc. It's just stressful because each week I have to watch the accounts like a hawk to make sure we have enough in there to cover the auto transfers for bills and the stuff that's already been paid, but not cleared.
We have two checking accounts, plus numerous ING accounts (savings accounts listed above) so I do alot of transfering from this account to that account and then paying it back another week - it drives me crazy. He totally doesn't understand that when I have everything balances and worked out and he buys 4 things on ebay - it throws a wrench in things.
I've tried changing my paypal password, but then he buys something we might need, and calls and asks for the new password. The last time I changed it - I told him he had to stop and couldn't keep buying like this and he said okay, I just have to pay for this one thing and then you can change it again. So when I changed it again, he called from work and was all sh*ttty that I had changed it again and said "fine - don't expect me to give you any money from ebay stuff!" - meaning if he makes money from installing or selling something he buys on ebay - the family won't see it.
I feel like his mom, telling him what he can and cannot buy, but when he goes behind my back and buys stuff without telling me and acts like a little kid with ebay and the debit card, I don't know how else to act. Whenever presented with the numbers - he just depresses him and then I have to listen to a whole week of he's not good enough and a loser and this and that. When I'm not trying to depress him at all, I'm trying to make him see the numbers don't lie and when he spends $300 that wasn't budgeted in a month - it puts us in a bind. ARGH! He often bids on stuff, not thinking he'll win, but when he does - he has to buy it and we don't have the $$!
Whenever this happens, I feel like I should be working, and bringing in some money, but this happened when I was working too. We just had more to spend before it hurt us and I could work overtime or extra hours to make up more $$ if needed - not the case anymore. DH is salary too so no extra $$ to come in.
I'm resentful that I'm responsible and he is not. He doesn't think about his family, he thinks of himself. We got a tax refund, pretty hefty this year since I wasn't working and part went into our savings for a Disney Trip I've been trying to plan for years, most of it (like $4000) went into a fund to get new siding on our house (it's bad, rotting and falling off, so much that our insurance company is going to cancel us) - we had money in this fund last year, but DH decided he needed a TRUCK - so we used our siding fund - $2000 and all of our emeregency fund - $2000 = $4000 for his damn truck,, anyway.... Tax return...so we had about $390 that wasn't spoken for that I thought maybe we could use as a family to do something fun or whatever... well DH is going to do something fun - he's spending all of it to go to Phoenix with his brother and mom - the family gets $0! He didn't even ask if I wanted to go and when I said something, he was like, oh well you can go if you want to, I WANT TO, but we don't have the cash and I can't see spending that much for both of us to go.
For so many years all of our extra money and tax refunds went to pay for his medical bills, legal bills, and fees/fines - due to accidents from DUI and other traffice violations. We still owe his laywer $350 - but nope he's using that to go to Phoenix. I hate owing people money - DH could care less.
It's been ten years since we've been married...he has gotten better, but still drives me mad. He's just so selfish and always thinking about right now and what he wants. He doesn't want to here or look at anything and when he spends money and I get anxious and say we don't have it - he freaks out.
Thanks for letting me vent and any ideas you have to "show him the money" as the case may be, I'll take it.