Maybe I just had it good with my DD (almost 6). Or maybe my DS has really severe tantrums. I don't know. Please weigh in.
First of all, here's a related thread about his nighttime sleep-tantrums: http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1306534/desperate-for-advice-regarding-raging-night-wakings#post_16364623
In the last two months or so, DS, who just turned 3, has been having a lot of tantrums. At least a few per week. One day recently he had 4 in 12 hours. Following is an account of one he had today. I feel that this is a very typical one.
We were walking to lunch at a café. He was riding his new bike on the sidewalk. We approached a woman with three small dogs. One of them bounded up to us and we all petted him. My son wanted them all to sniff him. The second dog was happy to oblige. But the third one was wandering around in the planting beds and the owner said that he wouldn't be interested. DS got a sulky face and said that he wanted that one to sniff him. We explained that some dogs don't want to sniff him or be petted. We encouraged him to keep on biking. We reminded him that the girls at the café (with whom he flirts constantly) hadn't seen his new bike yet and he hadn't yet gotten to use his new lock, etc. He just stood there and sulked. Then the third dog came over and it sniffed his hand. Great. I thought we'd be good now. No. Now he had had everything he wanted, but he had gone past the point of no return and was determined to be unhappy.
He sat on his bike and insisted on going nowhere. I said that DH and DD could go to lunch and we'd go home. He screamed. DD tried hard to get him interested in things that she saw under the water in the canal -- not interested. DD said she'd found a game to play -- not interested. I walked on. He screamed. I walked towards home. He screamed. I told DH and DD to go on and I sat on the park bench 20 feet behind him, since he just wanted to stay in that one spot all day. He screamed. I had to stand precisely next to him. He regularly yelled his tantrum favorites, which are "CAN YOU HEAR ME?" "CAN YOU SEE ME?" and "MAMA, WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING?" I am virtually always looking at him and talking to him when he says these.
I tried picking him up and carrying him home. He started flailing and screaming ow, like I was hurting him, which was pretty embarrassing since I was on a residential street and, by now I'm sure, had a number of spectators. Absolutely nothing was okay with him. I picked him up again to carry him home and he finally started screaming that he wanted to bike to the café. But first I had to put his bike back in some specific spot. I couldn't figure out exactly where the magic spot was. Then he kept saying "you decide for me!" and I told him that I had decided that he should get on his bike and go in the direction of the café. I couldn't figure out what he was getting at with this decision thing. He finally stopped yelling about that and got on his bike and biked very slowly, crying.
Then we crossed a big road, where I had to keep a hand on his bike a bit because it's just too big of a road. He didn't like that. Then he wanted to continue on on the other side in the road instead of on the sidewalk. The rest of the walk had him biking slowly, crying and repeating over and over like a mantra "I want to bike in the road."
We got to the café and had a bit of drama about locking his bike because it's not that easy, but it wasn't as bad as the locking issue has been in the past when he's had to share a different lock with his sister. Then we went inside (where he knows that I won't let him stay while he's crying (we're regulars there)) and he stopped and I gave him a toy from my purse and he snapped out of it and was his normal cheerful self again.
This whole thing went on at least half an hour. Probably more like 45 minutes. Like I said above, sometimes lately this happens multiple times per day. It's been at least several times per week for the last 6 weeks or so. When he does it I feel so amazingly helpless. Like I have lost total control of my life because this totally unreasonable person who is determined to be unhappy has me in his clutches and I have no means of escape.
My daughter's tantrums were more the type where she didn't get what she wanted and laid down on the floor and kicked and screamed for 5 minutes until I managed to get a boob into her mouth and then she stopped. They were pretty infrequent. Maybe once per month or something. I thought that was pretty normal. This doesn't feel normal to me. Are my expectations out of whack? Is my kid out of whack? Any and all advice will be appreciated.
First of all, here's a related thread about his nighttime sleep-tantrums: http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1306534/desperate-for-advice-regarding-raging-night-wakings#post_16364623
In the last two months or so, DS, who just turned 3, has been having a lot of tantrums. At least a few per week. One day recently he had 4 in 12 hours. Following is an account of one he had today. I feel that this is a very typical one.
We were walking to lunch at a café. He was riding his new bike on the sidewalk. We approached a woman with three small dogs. One of them bounded up to us and we all petted him. My son wanted them all to sniff him. The second dog was happy to oblige. But the third one was wandering around in the planting beds and the owner said that he wouldn't be interested. DS got a sulky face and said that he wanted that one to sniff him. We explained that some dogs don't want to sniff him or be petted. We encouraged him to keep on biking. We reminded him that the girls at the café (with whom he flirts constantly) hadn't seen his new bike yet and he hadn't yet gotten to use his new lock, etc. He just stood there and sulked. Then the third dog came over and it sniffed his hand. Great. I thought we'd be good now. No. Now he had had everything he wanted, but he had gone past the point of no return and was determined to be unhappy.
He sat on his bike and insisted on going nowhere. I said that DH and DD could go to lunch and we'd go home. He screamed. DD tried hard to get him interested in things that she saw under the water in the canal -- not interested. DD said she'd found a game to play -- not interested. I walked on. He screamed. I walked towards home. He screamed. I told DH and DD to go on and I sat on the park bench 20 feet behind him, since he just wanted to stay in that one spot all day. He screamed. I had to stand precisely next to him. He regularly yelled his tantrum favorites, which are "CAN YOU HEAR ME?" "CAN YOU SEE ME?" and "MAMA, WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING?" I am virtually always looking at him and talking to him when he says these.
I tried picking him up and carrying him home. He started flailing and screaming ow, like I was hurting him, which was pretty embarrassing since I was on a residential street and, by now I'm sure, had a number of spectators. Absolutely nothing was okay with him. I picked him up again to carry him home and he finally started screaming that he wanted to bike to the café. But first I had to put his bike back in some specific spot. I couldn't figure out exactly where the magic spot was. Then he kept saying "you decide for me!" and I told him that I had decided that he should get on his bike and go in the direction of the café. I couldn't figure out what he was getting at with this decision thing. He finally stopped yelling about that and got on his bike and biked very slowly, crying.
Then we crossed a big road, where I had to keep a hand on his bike a bit because it's just too big of a road. He didn't like that. Then he wanted to continue on on the other side in the road instead of on the sidewalk. The rest of the walk had him biking slowly, crying and repeating over and over like a mantra "I want to bike in the road."
We got to the café and had a bit of drama about locking his bike because it's not that easy, but it wasn't as bad as the locking issue has been in the past when he's had to share a different lock with his sister. Then we went inside (where he knows that I won't let him stay while he's crying (we're regulars there)) and he stopped and I gave him a toy from my purse and he snapped out of it and was his normal cheerful self again.
This whole thing went on at least half an hour. Probably more like 45 minutes. Like I said above, sometimes lately this happens multiple times per day. It's been at least several times per week for the last 6 weeks or so. When he does it I feel so amazingly helpless. Like I have lost total control of my life because this totally unreasonable person who is determined to be unhappy has me in his clutches and I have no means of escape.
My daughter's tantrums were more the type where she didn't get what she wanted and laid down on the floor and kicked and screamed for 5 minutes until I managed to get a boob into her mouth and then she stopped. They were pretty infrequent. Maybe once per month or something. I thought that was pretty normal. This doesn't feel normal to me. Are my expectations out of whack? Is my kid out of whack? Any and all advice will be appreciated.
) Sometimes they just need to FEEL and not have someone hovering and trying to fix it or talk to them or whatever. I think your DS will resist this at first but over time it may help.
