Calling all working moms...anyone out there? I'm broken hearted.

[BK Mommy]

Hi there. After nearly 4 incredible months with my dd, Monday will be my first day back at the office. It hurts so bad to think of leaving her with a sitter. I feel so in tuned with my dd and so honored to be her mommy. I feel like she is thriving and I am nervous that leaving her with a sitter won't be as good as what I could offer her. I get this huge lump in my throat whenever I think about leaving her with this person we barely know...dd waking up without me there to kiss her and talk to her....me not there to nurse her, to sing to her, to make her giggle....missing so many firsts to come. And to top off my deep sadness, dd refuses to take a bottle, so I'm nervous she is going to starve herself or just scream and cry everytime the sitter tries to offer her a bottle (because this is what happens when dh offers her a bottle). I always comfort her whenever she is upset...never let her cry. She is such a calm, mellow baby and I think it is partly because I always tend to her when she makes even a peep. I wonder if not being a SAHM will be one of my biggest regrets. I know the obvious answer, is "can you cut back and just be a SAHM?." But I do actually enjoy my work and I make nearly twice as much as dh so our hh income really depends on my contribution. I guess, I'm just hoping that working moms will write back telling me that it is going to be OK. Would love any thoughts, tips or advice that you might have. Thanks, One Teary Eyed Mama

[madskye]

I responded in the Parenting thread, but hang in there tomorrow.  It will probably be a tough day, but you might be surprized at how quickly it flies by and by how...actually FINE it is.  Best wishes.

[BK Mommy]

Thank you, madskye.  It does hurt right now.  I thought I'd be able to go through an evening routine and just get through this day, but I feel so displaced.  In the scheme of things, I know this isn't that hard, but it really hurts.  I hope things go OK.  And thank you for the recommendation to post to this forum.  I didn't realize it existed.  

[LittleGriff]

Yes (working mom of two awesome kidlets here), everything will be ok but that doesn't mean it's not hard. I was really relieved to go back to work with #1 so never felt what you are describing ... until later (took mom-hood a year or so to catch on for me). I'm now 3.5 years into the experience will say some weeks are harder than others. Know that it will have it's ups and downs and that you're just taking it one day at a time. Remember you really can change your mind any time you want. And if you find your dd happy with the new situation, I suspect that will take a huge burden off you. These transitions are painful - be gentle on yourself! But you have many many glorious years ahead for you and dd to cuddle and bond and to show her your love. She will love you like no one else on earth. Always. Even if you're not there for her every moment. I promise!

[LoveToKnit]

I just wanted to send you a virtual hug over the internet and let you know that the lump in your throat will gradually go away. I think once you get into the swing of work, you'll feel much for settled. For me, change is always hard. But once you get a new routine going (especially since you said you really do like working) I think you'll do fine. Hang in there and know in a few weeks all of this anxiety will likely subside!

I'm a WAHM and still have to say "goodbye" to my dd in the morning when our nanny comes. And even though I'm in the house all day I'm holed up in my office and don't have the luxury of always popping out to soothe her when she cries. So while I don't work outside the home, I do have a sense of what you're going through. And the first few days/weeks felt really odd, but once I got into the swing of it, I was fine. And once you really get to know your nanny, you will likely see how much she loves your dd too and that will help make you feel more at peace, I think.

Good luck and lots of hugs!

[sailorgirl]

Good luck, honey!   I know how hard it is in the beginning, but I am also blessed enough to know that it gets better, and that our babies can thrive.  I also love my job, and believe that WOH makes me a better mom.  I know that it doesn't work for everyone, but I went to my DD's care center every day for lunch.  I nursed her, and spent time with her.  It made everything so much better for me (and it meant one less pumping session:)

Hugs for you!

[Emmeline II]

That was the age when I had to go back to work (temporarily, military) with my first. It was very hard going back but I started getting into a rhythm, though it was dh that stayed home with the babe.

[JudiAU]

I think some mom's "adjust" after a period of time, some moms thrive when they go back to work, and some of us just don't. Everyone told me it would take some time and then be okay and it never has been, almost four years later. I cried everyday for *a year.* So, who knows, but I don't want to lie to you. Sometimes the pep talks should just be avoided. You need to do it, you are going to do it, and you are going to make the best of it.

What I can tell you is that some times the babies adjust more easily than the mother. Trust your caregiver and if you don't like them, find someone else. I've never felt that my kids weren't getting good care, just that I wanted to do it.

As an aside, have a few different nipples and bottles available. DD like Second Nature which has a weird compression aspect to it. DD liked the newly redesigned Medela ones.

You are a strong woman and a good mother and your baby is going to be fine.

[rhianna813]

I understand... I went back to work when DS was 3 months old. I returned to my full time job. But a major differance for us was that DH was our SAHP so I felt good that DS was with a parent. One thing that helped is DH sent photos to me via email almost daily. Maybe the sitter can send you photos too if you have a digital camera and computer she uses? Collage your workspace or purse with photos and call home to hear the coos and mamamamas.

I also pumped milk at work and put photos of DS in the nursing room ( a small room with a sink for nursing moms).

Of course co-sleeping helped tons!

Rhianna

[Caneel]

Oh OP, I remember that time in our family. 

From even before pregnancy, DH and I knew that I would continue to work after any child(ren) were born.  Starting a couple of days prior to my return date, the tears and despair started.  The night before, DH begged me to quit my job and stay home.  Heartbreaking times, let me tell you.

A friend of mine, who stayed at home and for personal reasons, felt it was a huge mistake after several months, told me to give back-to-work 90 days.  I did and by month two, things really fell into place.  By month three, we were all feeling a 1,000x better. 

Concerning bottles, I went out and bought the best of the best. After a few days, DS's caregiver gently asked me if she could try the plain, old-fashion Platex, which DS took to immediately.   I don't know if this is the case with your caregiving but mine had cared for far more infants than I did and therefore she knew all the bottle feeding tricks.  It turned about to not be an issue.

[Cant HardlyWait]

How are you holding up?

[mamatoElias]

  My first day of work was yesterday and I am devastated even though I am lucky enough to work part time. My daughter is not quite 3 months old and it is so awful being away from her.  She is my third child, but I've never left such a young baby before.  It sounds silly, but it almost seems like she isn't even real when I'm at work.  I'm sort of in a daze without her.  Part of me (okay most of me) wants to quit, but I also enjoy my job and I think I'd regret it a year from now.  Plus my husband would never go along with that.  I make too much money.  I wish I made less so that my salary didn't make much of a difference.  Sorry I don't have any real advice, but I think I can sympathize a bit.  Hope it gets easier for both of us!

[BK Mommy]

MamatoElias, hope your first week went well.  It really is tough.  I know exactly what you mean about wishing you made less money to rationalize why it would be ok to stay home with your LO.  I did notice that each day was easier/better than the previous, so hopefully it will continue that way.  It is hard when I think of the nanny hanging with her all day.  I can't help but feel jealous and wonder if my LO is think about me too.  Everyone keeps telling me that she won't remember this...it just hurts me so much.  I keep likening it to having a first crush...wanting to see him and be around him, wondering what he is doing etc. and then summer ends and he has to go away.  I'm convinced that eventually it will feel ok.  Keep me posted with how you are doing.  

[Eresh]

Originally Posted by BK Mommy 

Hi there. After nearly 4 incredible months with my dd, Monday will be my first day back at the office. It hurts so bad to think of leaving her with a sitter. I feel so in tuned with my dd and so honored to be her mommy. I feel like she is thriving and I am nervous that leaving her with a sitter won't be as good as what I could offer her. I get this huge lump in my throat whenever I think about leaving her with this person we barely know...dd waking up without me there to kiss her and talk to her....me not there to nurse her, to sing to her, to make her giggle....missing so many firsts to come. And to top off my deep sadness, dd refuses to take a bottle, so I'm nervous she is going to starve herself or just scream and cry everytime the sitter tries to offer her a bottle (because this is what happens when dh offers her a bottle). I always comfort her whenever she is upset...never let her cry. She is such a calm, mellow baby and I think it is partly because I always tend to her when she makes even a peep. I wonder if not being a SAHM will be one of my biggest regrets. I know the obvious answer, is "can you cut back and just be a SAHM?." But I do actually enjoy my work and I make nearly twice as much as dh so our hh income really depends on my contribution. I guess, I'm just hoping that working moms will write back telling me that it is going to be OK. Would love any thoughts, tips or advice that you might have. Thanks, One Teary Eyed Mama

I came here to post this ... except it's my 6mo DS2.  I just went back to work FT on Thurs and Fri (4/7, 4/8) and it's been rough.  I make 45% more than DH so my not working is not really an option.  We've really cut into savings for me to stay home as long as I did so now I have to work.  And I do love my job and love adult interaction/conversation.  I just wish I could have all of that AND take care of my son.

With DS1, I went back to work at 4mo.  He had a hard time adjusting to a bottle but he had a very experienced lady at daycare helping him through the transition.  This time DS2 is 6mo and I'm not nearly as happy with daycare.  We're actually looking at changing daycares.  Though there is one young lady at our current daycare who really does seem to empathize with him and is really trying to help him to adjust to the bottle.  So far he's not really eating at daycare and started reverse cycling.  And now he's sick =\ ... started throwing up last night, so I'm an exhausted mess today.

Sorry .. I think I'm hijacking your thread.  I really feel you, Mama.  I know from DS1, that it does get better and it's not like daycare is a horrible place :P ... it's just really hard right now.

[mamatoElias]

Originally Posted by BK Mommy 

MamatoElias, hope your first week went well.  It really is tough.  I know exactly what you mean about wishing you made less money to rationalize why it would be ok to stay home with your LO.  I did notice that each day was easier/better than the previous, so hopefully it will continue that way.  It is hard when I think of the nanny hanging with her all day.  I can't help but feel jealous and wonder if my LO is think about me too.  Everyone keeps telling me that she won't remember this...it just hurts me so much.  I keep likening it to having a first crush...wanting to see him and be around him, wondering what he is doing etc. and then summer ends and he has to go away.  I'm convinced that eventually it will feel ok.  Keep me posted with how you are doing.  

I'm surviving.  I do think it gets easier every day.  It helps that my little one is so happy to spend time with her Daddy and is taking a bottle well.  If she was having a hard time without me, I don't think I could make myself leave her.  Is it getting easier for you too?  Is your daughter doing okay with the transition?