Transitioning... what to do about gifts?

[pajamafeet]

We are just getting into Waldorf and trying to transition the toys.

We have some birthdays coming up for the kids and feel a little rude dictating which toys are ok or not as gifts.

How to handle?

[Greenlea]

Good question.  My DH and I were just thinking this last night, as we are now going through my DC's toys to get rid of a bunch of plastic crap.  My DS turned 2 at the end of March. My family asked me for a list of stuff he needed/wanted, so I happily sent one out with some newly inspired Waldorf gift ideas.  Yeah, that didn't work.  I figured since they asked me, they would get something from the list. Nope, one person got him some wooden puzzles, one person got him some art stuff, and the rest was all junky useless plastic toys.  I invited 20 people to his party and my living room ended up looking worse than on xmas day.

So, after discussing it with my DH, serioulsy my first thought was to not have another party (at least not involving that many people, and just do something really small with my household).  I live in a small townhome as it is, and don't have any room for more junk.

Some items I put on the list weren't that cheap, but I just don't understand my family's logic to not want to buy one practical natural toy for $20, as opposed to buying 10 stupid useless plastic toys for $20.    

[honeybunmom]

Honestly, I have requested no gifts at all.  In our reality, our children do.not.need. another toy.  I have also severely limited the number of attendees.  With no qualms from my daughter.  She's only 5, though.  She had 1 big party at age 3 and a handful of friends at age 4, and just 2 for age 5.  We may go back to something larger for 6, but I will request no gifts.  What I did this year was allow handmade gifts from the children who attended.  She received a beautiful fingerknit necklace with wooden beads from one friend and nothing from the other (which was fine!).  I tried to put the focus on her celebration and she received gifts from her family.

And fortunately, my family has been great, so, I really don't have any advice there.  They always ask and actually give as requested (for the most part - still working on clothing that works best with our cloth diapered 2 year old!).  Even a dear friend caught me totally by surprise after I had relayed to her that I was lamenting my decision not to get the 2 year old anything for his birthday.  I told her I was going to go to a local toy store and at least get him a seasonal book.  I mentioned the name and the surprised me with a gift certificate! 

As a last thought, perhaps you have a local children's consignment store where you can take the new, unwanted gifts and purchase your child something more in line with your views with the money?

[onyxravnos]

i make a detailed amazon wish list to send people to (although i only ever get MAYBE 1 thing on the list) presents that don't approve of  either get returned to the store when i can or donated to the local womens shelter if i can't.

[aHikaru]

we also started using the waldorf method on my 25 month old daughter. I currently have an amazon wish list and have great friends when it comes to getting gifts. People don't seem to understand that a two year old doesn't realize what the occasion is and insist on watching them open a gift, which end up with the babe being uninterested, as she prefers puzzles, baskets and books, which became extremely obvious at her 2nd birthday. Hopefully the holidays will be a little different.

[dogretro]

Most of our family and friends know that we are Waldorf & several of them ask what our dds want.  Their birthday party is next week & dh and I talked about it & agreed that they really truly do not "need" more toys.  Anyone who asks gets the same answer: A bond or money toward the purchase of admission passes to places (or the pass itself it some are feeling quite generous).  This answer has been well received b/c everyone who has ever had kids knows that the toys build up in 2.5 seconds.  I did tell specific people about specific outdoor toys b/c I know those people will purchase those toys & dd1 knows that you open presents at birthday parties & I am not going to deny her that joy.  When we get stuff that I don't approve of, if it remains unopened, I return it.  If it gets opened, I will let the girls have it for a few months until they get tired of it & then it goes into the attic.  The attic is where any toy that doesn't get played with goes, "Waldorf" or not.  That said, we have a few annoying electronic toys from Christmas that the girls are still playing with almost every day.  I'm not about to take away things that they really enjoy and use even though I wish we had not received them :)

[4alt]

I understand how you feel.  We have way to many toys also. Very rarely does anyone ask if we need anything...if they do we say basic art supplies...markers, watercolor paints, glitter glue, paper.  We have a small house and unfortunately we get way too much plastic crap just from the (3) grandparents and my (2) siblings & their spouses and my husbands (2) siblings.  My husband thinks that if someone gave them something then they should be allowed to play with it.  I have finally put my foot down.  Since I am home with the girls, I am the one that continuously has to pick it up.  At Chirstmas, birthdays and even Easter befores it even comes out of the box, I put it in a closet.  The gifts are usually opened toward the end of the family gathering...first dinner, then cake or desserts, then gifts, people usually stay for another hour or so.  Since there are so many gifts and such little space, I can usually stack them in the corner and tell the kids they can not play with them right away since there is no room.  Occassionaly we may need to open one or two - or my sister actually opens one or two (she likes to play Santa Claus even at Easter - it is not just one gift but many).  After everyone leaves, it is usually bedtime and it is time for them to go the sleep.  Once they are in bed, I put everything out of sight in a closet or the 3rd bedroom which is my husbands office.  The next day there are things going on such as school, swim class, etc. and I can tell them there is no time to open and play with any of the new gifts.  I eventually give in on a few of the gifts that they remember getting, but they need to describe the item to me, I do not put everything in front of them to pick.  So in the end they only open about 25-30% of what they get, and since they forgot about the rest it gets donated.  The amount of toys that are opened for the 3 year old is even less, and none are opened for the 13 month old.

I know this sounds evil, because I feel evil just writing it but I can not take picking up the toys any more.  My oldest is 5 and I have already decided that in the future we will not be doing any "kids" birthday parties since I do not want any more stuff in my house.  In turn we have declined the (2) "kids" parties that she was invited to since I do not want her feeling bad that she can not have her friends over for her birthday.  We are "waldorf inspired" at home however she attends public school so there is a gap in what we feel is appropriate.  The other day my daughter came home and asked me if she had any "barbie" dolls.   

[AislinCarys]

A friend of mine with similar ideals gave me a tip when I was worrying about this as Christmas and DD's birthday was coming up. She said they'd told family and close friends that they would appreciate an eco-conscious choice.

So that's what we did, we wrote no gifts necessary (but I know myself that I am not good at not getting anything, it is fun to get kids a special gift), but that we'd appreciate an eco-conscious choice if they wanted to get something. And I gave some suggestions, something second-hand, home-made or found. And it worked out really well! DD got a second-hand book (from a child who's mother loves charity shops), hand-me-down clothes (two winter coats and a dress! From kids a few years older), a couple of old bracelets (costume jewellery out of the mother's jewellery box, from a mum with a baby, whose life was full on at the time) and nothing (from a child whose parents entirely agree with us regarding toys!).

And with family we just try to be clear with, and explain what DD would like, and otherwise suggest books or puzzles. They are all much better with it now DD is older, though.

[kidsandhens]

A simple (not mine btw)  idea for birthday parties is a wrapped book exchange. I wrote on my dd's 6th bday invitation: "in lieu of presents, please bring a wrapped book (new or recycled) for friends to exchange". A wrapped book became the go home favor, no one went home with crap destined for the garbage, and we didn't have 15 new new toys that we didn't need!  It was interesting, too, my 6yo daughter was quite happy with the idea that her friends would all take a 'present' home, and most moms were thrilled at how easy and simple gift giving was, but I had a few parents very worried that my daughter would feel somehow shortchanged if she didn't get a boatload of gifts at her party! 

It gave me new insight on our own consumerism, really my daughter could care less, but even I had a struggle with the thought of minimal presents for my precious daughter! Adults at work again, gimme gimme. Hmm.

It was a great party, everyone had fun, no piles of presents for which to find storage/re-gifting/recycling. It just wasn't an issue, especially for my daughter who was just having fun being the center of attention with her friends and family, and that was awesome.