May I have some advice on 5 year old friends/playdate stuff???

[chloe5763]

Well, DD1 is almost 5 and DH and I have both worked full time so we haven't done a lot of play dates

since the kids were in daycare and once we were home with the kids we wanted to do mostly family

stuff.  On the weekends we'd do swimming or gymnastics at the Y but just not really play dates very much.

When we play at home, she will play either on her own or with DD2 who is almost 3 or with us and it's usually

pretend play from princesses to dinosaurs to bugs to whatever, or running around or just being silly. 

Now I'm finally going to be going to part time in a few months so I'm keeping an eye out for play date

opportunities and such but man is it just this group of kiddos or are they kind of brutal?  I took "M" to a

birthday party this weekend with most of her friends from daycare that she's known forever and all they

do is bicker, tell on each other, complain, whine.....OMG!!!  Are they having fun?  I couldn't tell!!!???

"He's wasting food!!!"..."You spilled some juice!!!! Ha Ha!  "No I didn't (my daughter was the spiller and

yes she did but um it was like three drops....she bursts into tears! then recovers 15 seconds later). It

just went on and on and it wasn't any one kid it was all of them.....My darling daughter was both the

perp and the victim back and forth......"M's Mom...I'm bored (not my party) OK you look like you're

having fun" "but I'm not" "Alrightey then.." "M's Mom.....Yes? M said I'm taller than R" Sigh......Then

for the final round DD was at the water fountain, I watched her push the button for one little boy who

couldn't reach it, let one of her friends walk up and go in front of her and get a drink, then another

as they chatted and were helping each other push the button to make the water come out......

and then one of her "best" (don't get me started on the definition here!) friends, walked up tried to

get a drink and she TOOK HIM DOWN!  Screamed his name said NO it's MY turn, pushed him out

of the way OMG!!!!  Yeah he cut but so did a bunch of other kids and that was OK!!!

I guess I'm hoping that folks are going to tell me that this is some sort of a phase because

now I'm starting to think I LIKE working full time!  LOL!  Oh they were just awful to each other

I can't even tell you.......they are all so sweet individually but as a group.....zowie it was a lot!

The other thing that worries me a bit is that the few play dates that we have had were with a

family friend who's DD is about 8 months older that DD and it usually ends up the same where

they have trouble playing together without an adult without arguing.   I had attributed that

to the age difference and that they were interested in different things but this past weekend

has me rethinking that.  I guess I was naive enough to think that she would just play the same

things that she loves to play either by herself or with her sister and us with her friends but

maybe that's not how it works?  At this age unless it's running around in the yard or on the

play scape type stuff, do you orchestrate play date activities or do they just go off and play?

Thanks Mamma's for any advice!!!

[cjam]

If they go to daycare together all day long, they probably bicker like siblings do.  They will hopefully behave better in a one-on-one playdate.  I wonder if the adult in charge of the daycare rewards that type of bickering by giving extra attention for it.  Hmm.

[ssh]

Maybe part of it is how it's handled in the daycare or that daycare is all day long so they are acting like siblings. My DD's classmates in preschool don't act that way. We've been to two parties and had one ourselves and they played well together. That age child does seem abit loud, emotional and whiney. 

[chloe5763]

I guess that's kind of the thing that floored me...they're not like that in the classroom when I see them every day, maybe it was the timing of it all.  They did do the jump house thing first which meant that by the time it was lunch time they were probably overtired and over hungry so no one was at the top of their game.  I asked DD and she said she had fun but I was thinking "Really??"  This time of year we have all of the friend birthdays and last year they were all a blast everyone played so nicely had a ton of fun, I'm hoping that this first one was just a fluke and not a sign of how they'll be.....Agggh!  Part of me says to skip the parties but she won't see these kids regularly starting in the summer since she won't be going to daycare anymore and she has known then since she was an infant. 

[ElliesMomma]

sounds about normal to me. 

yes, 4-5 year olds are a lot to handle. 

[pianojazzgirl]

Don't forget too that this was a birthday party where kids are sugared-up and hyped-up, vs. the classroom setting where things are much more organized and orderly!  That said, what you witnessed was totally normal 4/5yo behaviour.  It's definitely an age where they get into tattling, whining, finding the power of words through name-calling, demanding things, etc, etc.  (There are good things too about this age, I promise, lol!).  I think that you have to expect that most playdates at that age need to be supervised - that you'll be having to step in a fair bit to keep things going smoothly.

ETA - a tip for keeping playdates on an even keel: have lots of activities planned/on hand (crafts, boardgames, baking cookies, whatever), so that if freeplay starts to go downhill you can redirect them to something more organized (which you are directly involved in).  Also make sure to have lots of snacks readily available so no one gets a chance to get hungry and cranky.