Annoyed with sons Sunday School advocating video games

[bass chick]

I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place to put this but here goes anyways....

This past Sunday, ds (he's 6...almost 7) came out with his "craft" from Sunday School. It was dot-to-dot with a cross in the middle. The dot-to-dot looked like a big digital 8 to me...like 2 rectangles on top of one another with a cross in one of them. I asked my son what it was. He said, "Oh, it's a DS." "What's a DS?" I asked. "It's a video game," he replied.

My immediate response was WTF? Why the hell is our children's program pushing our kids to be consumers and promoting video games? What ever happened to good ol' fashioned CRAFTS?

Just some background....the children's ministry is HUGE...over 150 school aged kids in a church of ~400 (not including infants, toddlers, and teens). The volunteer base in the children's ministry is also huge.

My husband was also a pastor there for 2 years until someone on the board who was the senior pastor's BFF complained to the senior pastor about him and as a result he pushed dh and pushed dh until he finally resigned. It's a long story and I don't want to get into it, but the point is that I despise the senior pastor and many of the people on the ministry team who didn't stand up for dh or give a $%&#ing rip about our family.

The current children's minister told dh that "homeschooled kids are socially inept and there is no exception...they ALL are like that" and so he is totally against homeschooling and his attitude just makes me furious. So I have been slightly ticked off at several people in our church and am not sure if this is affecting my ability to reason.

All this to say, how would you feel if your church was promoting hand held video games (via a dot-to-dot) when you have decided to not introduce them to your 6 year old? I am seriously livid even though it doesn't seem to have affected ds. He simply said, "Oh mom...a DS is a video game that older kids play." I still feel like addressing this with the ministry team even though part of me is telling me I am being petty.

[happysmileylady]

First, are you sure it was even the Sunday School that told him it was supposed to represent a DS and that it wasn't him and some other kids imagining that that was what it was?  Honestly, what you describe wouldn't, to me, represent a DS without creativity anyway. 

And even if it was...I don't really see this as advocating video games, rather just them using something that appeals to kids. 

[LynnS6]

Perhaps they saw it not as "promoting" video games, but trying to make their lesson relevant to important things in the children's lives.

I'd give it a good week or two before you address this with the children's ministry team. You've clearly got a history that makes you pretty angry with this group of people, and while I agree that there are probably a lot better crafts out there, I get the feeling from this post that you're so angry with these people that (a) you're going to come off way too angry and (b) they're going to dismiss you because "she's just irrational".

What are you getting out of staying with this church? Is there another one that's a possibility?

[Marsupialmom]

I am not religious but I would give the youth director or teacher the benefit of the doubt about what it is suppose to be.  

There is a game system that is DS but not a game.  This could be a childish misunderstanding.  

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom 

I am not religious but I would give the youth director or teacher the benefit of the doubt about what it is suppose to be.  

There is a game system that is DS but not a game.  This could be a childish misunderstanding.  

ITA...  Probably one of the kids thought it looked like a DS and said so to your son.  Was the cross centered or off to the side?  Unless it was small, off to the left side of the lower rectangle, it wasn't likely intended to represent a DS
 

[Drummer's Wife]

Could be this:
 

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

Perhaps they saw it not as "promoting" video games, but trying to make their lesson relevant to important things in the children's lives.

 

or this:
 

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom 

I am not religious but I would give the youth director or teacher the benefit of the doubt about what it is suppose to be.  

There is a game system that is DS but not a game.  This could be a childish misunderstanding.  

Either way, I am not getting the outrage.  He is going to find out what hand-held game systems are, anyway, and I don't understand how it would take away from learning about god and whatnot at Sunday school b/c he identified his craft with this. 

[nextcommercial]

Even if it is a picture of a video game, why are you so upset?  

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

Even if it is a picture of a video game, why are you so upset?  

Totally not getting it either. Who cares if it's a DS?

[Tjej]

Am I allowed to chuckle that your reaction to a Sunday School craft involves WTF and hell? 

I think you're too hurt by the people to address the issue with them. 

Also, he's going to learn what a DS is- he's not living in a vaccuum.  Perhaps they were trying to show the kids to lay aside idols or something?

There are a lot of people inside and outside religion that have a different lifestyle than you do.  What is different is often misunderstood and feared in one way or another.  Of course, not everyone is like that, but homeschooling and eschewing hand-held video games for young children is quite far outside the cultural norm.  I know that I can have a tendancy to expect people from the church to hold similar beliefs as I do about various lifestyle and cultural things that I see as moral choices but that they don't.  I have to step back and reflect on my judgement and expectations of others (inside and outside the church) and do my best to live my life the best I can and share love and compassion with people (some of whom I disagree with). 

If you do feel that overall the information and supervision your child is receiving is inappropriate, I think it is well within prudent judgement to find an alternative environment.  For instance, I am not personally particularly fond of the age-segregated model of Sunday School (but my kids do attend a blended age somewhat-age-segregated Sunday School because the positives of having them involved outweigh the negatives for me).

Tjej
 

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by Tjej 

Am I allowed to chuckle that your reaction to a Sunday School craft involves WTF and hell?

Tjej

I was LOL at the same thing.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[bass chick]

Originally Posted by Tjej 

Am I allowed to chuckle that your reaction to a Sunday School craft involves WTF and hell? 

I think you're too hurt by the people to address the issue with them. 

Also, he's going to learn what a DS is- he's not living in a vaccuum.  Perhaps they were trying to show the kids to lay aside idols or something?

There are a lot of people inside and outside religion that have a different lifestyle than you do.  What is different is often misunderstood and feared in one way or another.  Of course, not everyone is like that, but homeschooling and eschewing hand-held video games for young children is quite far outside the cultural norm.  I know that I can have a tendancy to expect people from the church to hold similar beliefs as I do about various lifestyle and cultural things that I see as moral choices but that they don't.  I have to step back and reflect on my judgement and expectations of others (inside and outside the church) and do my best to live my life the best I can and share love and compassion with people (some of whom I disagree with). 

If you do feel that overall the information and supervision your child is receiving is inappropriate, I think it is well within prudent judgement to find an alternative environment.  For instance, I am not personally particularly fond of the age-segregated model of Sunday School (but my kids do attend a blended age somewhat-age-segregated Sunday School because the positives of having them involved outweigh the negatives for me).

Tjej
 

Thanks this was helpful.

Yes...chuckle at my reaction. That's where I am spiritually. Ironic considering I was a pastor's wife. I am still very jaded by "the church" and I have good reason.

It is obvious that my judgement is clouded and I'm feeling unreasonable. Using an illustration to be "culturally relavant" whether or not it is something I choose for myself and my family should not be a big deal.

I would have gathered from my original post that it was obvious that I cared about it being a video game system...so in response to D_McG's "Who cares?" it is pretty obvious that I do. It would have been more helpful to say something more along the lines of "I wouldn't be upset by it" instead of a rude "Who cares". The whole reason why I expanded on my relationship to some people in the church was to illustrate that my view might be tainted and I might be looking through the lens of a grudge, so I was looking for feedback on that. I can see from the responses that I'm feeling this way because of other issues and not because of my child's craft.

Thanks for your views. I have more clarity.

[Tjej]

I'm sorry you're so frustrated. 

Have you read any of Madeline L'Engle's journals?  I really found The Irrational Season to be very soul-filling.

Tjej 

[One_Girl]

Did he decide it was a DS, was there a lesson about the DS that this went with, or was this an optional thing to do after the lesson and activity were done but before they were released back to the service?  I think that the reaction you give should depend on whether you know for a fact they meant the thing to be a DS and gave a lesson on it or not.  I can't imagine anyone having a class for kids advocating a DS much less a church so I think it is very likely your son came up with the idea for making that a DS on his own.  Have you tried e-mailing the person who taught the lesson to ask what the lesson was about?  I think that will help you clear up whether this is yet another thing to put on your list of things you hate about your church or not.

[bass chick]

Originally Posted by One_Girl 
Have you tried e-mailing the person who taught the lesson to ask what the lesson was about?  I think that will help you clear up whether this is yet another thing to put on your list of things you hate about your church or not.

Ha!! That's a good point.

FWIW, I have tons of friends in my church. That is the reason why we stayed after dh resigned. So there are only certain leaders that I dislike because of their manipulation, lying and hidden agendas. Most of the people are great friends. It would do me good to forgive them, I'm just not sure how to put my feelings of anger (which really feel like hatred to me) aside enough to forgive. But that is an entirely different issue.

I cannot find the paper now to take a closer look at it. It has likely found its way into the recycling. I won't add it to my list because it really is so trivial. 

[doubledutch]

a rectangle with a cross on it . . . maybe it was supposed to be a bible. 

it's totally possible that other kids *thought* it was a video game and called it that, when it really wasn't.  also totally possible that the ss teachers thought it would be cool to do a dot-to-dot of a video game (which would annoy me too).  but either way, i'm also really wondering why your family stays there - is there no other suitable option? 

[Tigerchild]

So...let me see if I understand this correctly.

At this church your family has faced:

*ridicule for your homeschooling

*been a target of malicious and unfounded gossip

*been tossed out of a leadership position

*hostility from the leadership

*no trust in the leadership to be fair, welcoming, or nuturing of you

And you are upset because your son told you that his dot to dot looks like a DS?

Gently, I think that perhaps you are focusing on the most "safe" thing to be angry about.  I do not, from your other description, believe that this church is a safe or nuturing place for your family.  If you are looking for an "Excuse" to find a new church I think you definitely have it with all that--don't make it about the silly dot to dot.  I think that you are justifiably hurting and angry with the whole package so every little thing is going to be an irritant.  I understand how hard it can be to disconnect from home base and seek a new community, really I do.  I think it is time.  It's not about the dot to dot.  You guys, if what you report is true, have been and are being spiritually abused.  Please consider, if not for yourselves, for your kids, finding a new community that will love and welcome you like you should be.

The church, IMO is not "advocating" for video games.  Lots of kids play them and will "see" them in things.  You dont' say that your kids said that's what the teacher said.  Again, I think thiis is probably more of a straw breaking the camel's back than a huge problem--if you decide to go to war or make a stink about it you will look foolish (IMO) esp. given all the more serious stuff that has gone on.

[hakeber]

Maybe it's time to home-church too.

If that were my church, I'd rather not go to one. 

And not because of the DS thing, because of all the other stuff you said, besides which it is SO big...you're not even getting the sense of community and connection with like-minded people, are you, and isn't that the whole point of worshipping in a church rather than your own home?

That being said if it WAS a DS I am totally with you.  Church, of ALL places should be BRAND FREE, but with that many kids and that many people....you're just not going to get that sort of mentality.  It will be about communicating to the MASSES not teaching awareness and reflection to the few.

Isn't there a smaller more friendly chruch nearby?  Maybe you could start one!

[Climbing Rose]

DH and I reached a point a few years ago where were also fed up with institutional style, political, (honestly very worldly) "church."

I totally understand why you are upset about all of it.

I could write a whole long post on what we saw and experienced ourselves. We (with some friends) started looking into it and ended up having a home church. I can definitely say that home churching was one of the *best* decisions we ever made for our family. We had so much growth, so much true fellowship, and it was extremely family friendly.

We did that for about three years, until my family moved away about two months ago.

I feel your frustration and so I hope this is useful to you and your family!

What really helped us at the beginning was reading Frank Viola's series. He is really into what a lot of people would call 'un-churching' or 'primitive church' or 'organic church.' It was perfect for us, and I suspect it might be perfect for a lot of Mothering-type Jesus followers.

The three books are:

~Pagan Christianity (doesn't need to be read completely, but a nice skim/looking over to see how we ended up with 'church' today as opposed to the New Testament church)

~Reimagining Church (a beautiful book on what church could be -and can be- like for us)

~From Eternity to Here (this one made me cry- it is all about God's love and just amazing!)

Here is a link to him on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Organic-Church-Comprehensive-Communities/dp/143476866X/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1302638338&sr=8-6

Then we read David Bercot's "The Kingdom that Turned the World Upside Down" and it seriously changed our lives. It is about following Jesus and what He actually said, and kind of de-programming ourselves from what modern Church-ianity has told us that He supposedly really meant...... if that makes sense. =)  I think this book is worth it's weight in gold.

http://www.amazon.com/Kingdom-that-Turned-World-Upside/dp/0924722177/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1302638522&sr=1-4

I know that's maybe not what you were asking about, but it did so much for our family, I can't even begin to explain it, I had to just put it out there. Speaking out of love, I don't think it's good for your family to be where you are. Jesus cares about you and your family, and I think wants you to have a true church, and not one where your family has so much negativity. ((((hugs)))))  You need a place where you can feel safe and grow in Him, not what you have now.  I pray things will change for you!

[goldfinches]

Originally Posted by bass chick 

All this to say, how would you feel if your church was promoting hand held video games (via a dot-to-dot) when you have decided to not introduce them to your 6 year old? I am seriously livid even though it doesn't seem to have affected ds. He simply said, "Oh mom...a DS is a video game that older kids play." I still feel like addressing this with the ministry team even though part of me is telling me I am being petty.

How would I feel?  If I had decided not to teach my 6 year old child what a video game was, I would have to understand that he lives in a world where nearly every other child will encounter a video game as they grow.  Thus, they will discuss it.  It then becomes a teaching opportunity.  He says, "It's a DS, older kids play with it", and you say, "Yep, they do, they play with it instead of going outside and fishing or playing soccer in the yard."

I detect a lot of animosity towards your church in your post.  I'm also a pastor's wife.  We are no longer at two different churches that have had leadership teams full of unGodly men.  It's hard to get past that...I don't know what to call it, sadness, anger, hatred, etc...they put in my heart.  It took a long time for me to get to a place where I was not nearly depressed when alone.

I hope you get peace soon about your situation.

(also, I know you probably think you hide it well, but I bet your friends in the church can tell how you feel about the leadership and it may cause them to relate to their leaders differently.  Anger and discontent spread like a wildfire and can destroy a congregation.)