Why can't I be just a mother??!! "AP vs.Mainstreem Parents" - Page 2

[emmasayshi]

I think you've misunderstood a little of what is written here. I don't breastfeed because my daughter is alergic to casein and had I known I wouln't have breastfed my ds either. I do use disposable diapers too. And I don't care what anyone says about their style of parenting, since my kids are on the spectrum my style is pretty darned different from most moms here. Yet the same concers about how much dicipline and what kind and nutrition and the chemicals in the environment and how to avoid them, these things are important to me too. I think you are feeling picked on without reason.

Your choice is your choice but you might learn a lot from some of the moms on mothering. I have. So welcome to be who you are and of course I know you love your babe just as much as the rest of us. Pampers don't make you a bad mommie any more than cloth makes someone else a good mommie. The love that you feel makes you a mom nothing else. Welcome.

[Cutie Patootie]

But I disagree with you, you see..I am apart of this board... it is called Mothering because that is what I am: a mother.

No, it is called "Mothering", because that is the name of the magazine. A magazine that advocates AP parenting. If you haven't ever read the magazine, pick one up, and you will see where these forums are coming from. I read "Parenting" magazine, but just because I disagree with some of the things they advocate, does not mean I am not a parent, or a darn good one.

These boards are here to provide support in the areas that are needed in parenting, specifically, AP parenting. I agree with most here, take what you need from the boards that apply to your life situation...and stay away from the ones that you disagree with.

Edited to add:
Here is another Parenting Forum that you may like as well, although Mothering is still the best IMHO no matter what style of parenting you chose.
http://www.women-together.com/yabbse/index.php?board=96

[Greaseball]

I agree that not all of us will do everything that is featured in the forums. But when I see new members who say they formula feed by choice and think bf is gross, CIO, spank, don't believe homebirth is safe for anyone, always listen to the doctor, think babies need to spend most of their time alone, think homeschooling should be illegal, etc. - all of that stuff at once - I just wonder what made them want to join this board, and how they found it in the first place. I've seen a few people like that around here, and they don't last long. They always comment on how no one here supports their choices and generally have something nasty to say before they leave.

There are things on this board that I don't agree with because I'm more "mainstream" and also things that I don't agree with because I think they are not "alternative" enough, but it's been a good board. I've tried others and just never stuck with them. I'm really glad MDC is here!

[Dragonfly]

Originally posted by emmasayshi
I think you've misunderstood a little of what is written here. I don't breastfeed because my daughter is alergic to casein and had I known I wouln't have breastfed my ds either.

T But I'm not sure I understand this. Casein is a dairy (milk) product, isn't it?

Don't want to highjack - I'm just confused. :

[aussiemum]

And assuming that newmommy has not run screaming as far as she possibly can from MDC.......... if anyone had bothered to go check her previous posts, you might make fewer assumptions about her 'AP credentials'......... She's not mainstream. And she's struggled with PND/anxiety stuff.

[witch's mom]

Yeah, I actually did look at her previous posts and thought she could be in the right place to get some support for what she's doing and what she's going through. I think perhaps she didn't realize that MDC is pretty specifically for people who KNOW they subscribe to an AP style. I know for me, labeling myself a certain type of parent still doesn't come easily. I'm a cafeteria APer and a cafeteria mainstreamer: I take what I want and leave the rest. Sometimes my choices leave me feeling a little . . . unsettled, uncertain, defensive, out of the ordinary. But most of the time I am pretty confident, and at over 40 years of age, I'm not willing to get too riled up about what others may think of my choices. I do hope newmommy sticks around (and resists the urge to shout at people in big caps). There's a lot of support here.

[velochic]

Ditto, dragonfly... I have a dd that had milk allergy and I agree with your post. (She's outgrown it, btw.)

As for other comments about what the OP said... if she's never read Mothering Mag, perhaps this site seemed too radical. I love these forums and am probably a better mother for them in some ways, but just as crazy as things like FFing and CIO-ing may be for the majority of us here, I'm sure mainstream moms think we are just as crazy.

[rainsmom]

Based on her other posts on other threads...........sounds like OP is searching and calling out for help.

I hope you find it newmommy......

[Piglet68]

I am very sorry that you are feeling attacked on these boards for your parenting choices. I am not aware of any posts that have claimed you must love your children less if you use disposable diapers, if you use formula, etc.

If anybody attacks you that way they are in violation of the User Agreement and such posts should be brought to the attention of a moderator. We do not stand for personal attacks like that on these boards.

I see by searching your other posts that you have been facing many hardships and obstacles. It's no wonder you are feeling frustrated. But I have to say (respectfully this time) that I don't feel it is fair to blame the members of this board for your insecurities about your parenting choices. I have seen nothing but love and support from the mamas of this board towards any mama who is struggling with the ideal of the "perfect parent" and the reality of being human, and an individual.

edited to change my tone

[Cutie Patootie]

[candiland]

, Newmommy.

I consider myself AP. However, I use disposables. I go out - quite a lot, actually! - because I, personally, would go nuts without my adult time. My dh actually sleeps with our kids. I weaned my first and will wean my second....... child-led weaning just isn't for me. I used the sling sometimes..... I didn't wear my kids constantly, though.

Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. It's not an all-or-nothing thing here. There are tons of forums that could be useful for you: we have working mamas threads, discipline threads, health and healing threads, personal growth and spirituality forums, parenting issues forums, etc. etc. etc.

Just don't go to the breastfeeding forums. They are not for you. Don't go to the diapering forums. I don't. Don't go to the vax forum if you don't want to hear dissenting opinions. And STAY FAR, FAR AWAY FROM ACTIVISM UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN COMING HERE FOR A WHILE. Trust me on this one:LOL

[Cutie Patootie]

I hope I did not offend anyone with my "".
I just get so indignant when I hear the "I am/am not better than you stuff. I come here because this is the only place where I can find like-minded mothers, and I don't like it when a mother comes for support or to vent and has to answer for the way she feels. I get enough of that from my relatives and in-laws. I end up feeling like I cannot totally vent myself without offending someone who may be doing things differently. I come here because I know I do not have to defend my choices. I am sorry you feel that you need to defend yours.

[famousmockngbrd]

*edited because I quoted Piglet, then she edited out the part I quoted, so I figured she didn't want it out there anymore. *

If you have made your decisions responsibly, nobody can fault you. And anyway, even if you made mistakes - well, welcome to the human race! You are allowed to be wrong!

It is true that some people act like they are perfect or have it all figured out. Those people are on every message board. All we can do is : and let them ... We are being kind by allowing them to feel good about themselves in the limited way they are able.

[lunamomma]

I JUST WANT TO ADD THAT FOR ME BREASTFEEDING, CLOTH DIAPERING AND OTHER AP STUFF JUST SEEMED COMPLETELY NATURAL TO ME. NO I WASN'T RAISED THAT WAY BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO READ OR ASK OTHERS I SIMPLY LISTENED TO MY HEART. MY ANCESTORS USED ELIMINATION COMMUNICATION, WORE THEIR CHILDREN, AND USED PARABLES AND WISE SAYINGS TO DISCIPLINE AND TEACH. WE MUST FOLLOW YOUR HEARTS. ALWAYS REMAIN OPEN AND SEEK WISDOM AND BALANCE EACH DAY. I'M SURE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO - JUST LIKE ME AND I'M SURE A LOT OF OTHERS ON THIS BOARD AND OTHER BOARDS-

[TigerTail]

i am with dragonfly- once i read 'casein allergy' i said and my mind stopped thinking of anything else. surely dropping dairy from one's own diet would eliminate that issue?

suse, occasional sposie user who let the 20 month old whine himself to sleep after nursing him for an hour, safe in his crib, 2 ft away, while being gently sung to and occasionally tended, but he wanted to play, and MAMA NEEDS SLEEP. call it cio if you want, but i'm differentiating between a whiny toddler who wanted to endlessly play, and a teeny hungry fretful infant. ooh me! i must not be ap, whimper!

bah. too old for labels. if my kids are attached is what is important, not how people on a message board grade my ap quotient.

[charmarty]

You know newmommy~ I used to get upset when mainstream posters would come here. After all, *this IS our safe place.* Our sanctuary. We deal with 'mainstream' folks all day in the real world and it can get very lonely not to mention tiring. We support one another. ALot of the times this feels like the land of the misfits. PPL like us who done FIT into the mainstream society as well.
But now, I welcome posters like you here with open arms. Because I KNOW you will walk away from here learning something whatever it may be, and this is ultimately what MDC is all about.


Welcome sister!

[DreamsInDigital]

I love the fact that someone can post something like the OP and you mamas respond with love and kindness instead of harsh words and disrespect. I this board.

[Justice2]

Originally posted by famousmockngbrd
It is true that some people act like they are perfect or have it all figured out. Those people are on every message board. All we can do is : and let them ... We are being kind by allowing them to feel good about themselves in the limited way they are able.

You mean that I am not perfect??? I don't have it all figured out....**heads back to drawing board



Originally, I was going to offer support for the OP. However, the more I read, the more I was upset. I came to MDC from a recommendation and I have learned A GREAT DEAL from the mama's here because they all think alike (basically). I have learned that my parenting style actually has a name and that I am not alone in my thoughts on how children should be raised. Mother's like us do not get very much support from most people IRL or on many other online communities. We come here to rant and to rave and to lean on the shoulders of others who understand what AP means to us. If a person isn't comfortable here, or comfortable with the concepts here then they are free to go elsewhere. We go out of our way to make everyone welcome. We try to help them work out their issues and problems and fears. We (generally) don't flame for varied opinions, thoughts or comments. Occasionally, someone will have a STRONGER opinion, thought or comment but that is to be expected. It's called diversity and even among the most like minded people, there is diversity.

Telling someone that they are LYING when they say that they don't need a break from their children is nasty. It is something that will never cross my lips or my thoughts. My ds is 13 months old. I have been away from his for no more than 4 hours his ENTIRE life (and there are probably maman's here who haven't been away from their children that much). He needs me. That is the way that I feel. Do I flame those that don't think entirely like me...NO. So, please do not presume to call me a liar when I say that I have never needed a break from my children. You don't know me...just like I don't know you. (And yes, I fall into the category of 'anybody').


I sincerely hope that the OP can find her niche here. This is an excellent community to learn from. This is an excellent community for support. And although I was slightly offended by the OP, I do want to say Welcome to MDC.

[crayon]

I didnt read all the post- so please note that if I say something already said.

I do see your views that your dont love your children less than I love my kids, but this site is for more AP style parents. Not to say that either way is better- but what ever side you are on you feel is best and that is why you parent that way. I feel that breastmilk is best- so I BF, I feel that sposies are nasty so I CD, I feel that cribs are cages so I family bed. That works for me. I know that there are a lot of other bords that are not so AP- and I know that some people have different levels of AP. There are boards for working moms (out of the house) there are borads for toddlers and for babies- there are more natural boards than this- I think you just have to find your boards that fit who you are. I am very natural (VERY NATURAL) in my parenting- but would I have a lotus birth- NO WAY! it is all different levels.

Hope you find a board you feel at home and not bullied!

[nikirj]

I am sure a lot of mamas only read, say, the Gentle Discipline board or the Night-time Parenting board or the Cloth Diapering board or whatever it is that interests them. If you are feeling like a take-some-leave-some parent, maybe you should only read from the boards you feel like you connect with. As others have said, this is an AP-focused area, we aren't around to make everyone feel at home - it is a community of like-minded people (who obviously don't always agree but usually are thinking the same kinds of ways) and if you don't feel at home on a given board, try another and see if you fit in better there. I've been a member of several parenting sites and found this to match me best. I wouldn't want to cut myself off here and go to, say WebMD, any more than I would want most of the people there to come here and start talking about how wonderful CIO is.