Yes, parenting is often a painful experience. I often think about how everything seemed in my own control until I had children. With both my two girls we had major scares within the first weeks, in dd$2's case, hours of birth. Both turned out fine, but at the time the realisation hit me that I no longer control this thing. It's humbling to realise that life is so much bigger than yourself.
We all go through our trials and tribulations. One of the problems with internet is that although we might feel that we are friends with other members here, we don't know details of all their lives. So, we talk as if we're with our local AP group where maybe there are some shared values and belief systems, but we are unaware of those members who have troubled lives or reasons to feel hurt by other people's assumptions.
I have been thinking a lot about this. To a certain extent, I think that we are on an AP board and so certain things are going to be expected as underlying beliefs, so we can't dot every i and cross every t in every post. But on the other hand, we can be mindful about the way that we express ourselves. I smile to myself sometimes on the diapering forum, for example, as I cd one child and use disposables on my other strong-willed will-not-accept-change dd. So where do I fit when I read people's abhorrence of those who use disposables?
I can identify with their abhorrence, but I also have my own issues with a child who quite literally would not have a cloth diaper within 10 yards of her body. But if any of those cloth activists saw me with my dd at the mall, they'd think I was one of 'those' mothers who doesnt understand or care about the chemicals in disposable diapers. I do understand and I do care, but I also have to deal with my child in my situation. As I said on another thread recently about clothing wars with children, unless you'd tried to parent my child, you just would not understand.
So, the key has to surely be discussion where we all accept that there are some generally shared AP values and that we need to put aside our personal issues and not feel personally attacked by others comments as long as they are not personal attacks.
We cant expect a disclaimer in every post, nor can we expect people to know of our personal issues. Nor can we expect everyone to have as good a command of written English as ourselves LOL. We can personally try to choose diplomatic, uninflammatory language and check our posts so as not to inadvertently upset others. Like, not implying that someone who formula feeds cant love their child, although I'm not tuned into this issue so hve never picked up on this sentiment here. People need to think about their message and the implication of their words. But we also have to accept and allow for the fact that people are coming from different places with busy lives and not necessarily the time or ability to put their thoughts into print without saying something that may upset someone. So, we need to own our own emotions and see it as our own personal issue to deal with. If we want to belong to a board such as this, anyway.
And thanks for the kind thoughts sent my way. I appreciate it.