Couples therapy when separating/divorcing - how to get the most out of it?

[worthy]

My STBX is open to seeing a counselor together now for the first time ever.  We've been separating with no plans for reconciliation since about 2.5 months now.

The divorce was his idea, but I am convinced it's basically about him and his needs, his issues from childhood that he hasn't worked on, his selfishness and immaturity, and other things that are his job to figure out and take responsibility for.  I am sure I have areas I need to grow in, but not anything that was incompatible with a healthy marriage, IMO.

Now he thinks we need "help" with our communication and wants us to see a counselor.  Whatever his reason, I think it will likely be a positive thing to get counseling together.  We're going to be co-parenting for 10+ more years and we'll be staying under the same roof for the foreseeable future (but that's not the point of this post - we do think that counseling will help us sort out if that is truly possible).

He's always been pretty anti-therapy, so this is a huge turnabout.  We are not getting individual counseling.  We can't afford it - no insurance.  We can barely afford couples counseling.  Hoping to get on state insurance soon.  I am hoping that this counseling experience might get him to see what some of his issues are and take responsibility for his actions, which he seems to be having a very hard time doing (he keeps trying to pin this all on me.)  I know counselors can't pick sides or advocate for one spouse over another, but I really hope they can see through him and find a way to help him see his issues, because he won't hear it from me.

We're going to see someone this week and someone different next week (trying to get in with a third).

Anything I should know so we can make the most of our counseling time?

[ihugtrees]

Wow, when you were discussing your STBX, I had to double check and be sure I hadn't written this thread! No advice, just