How do I tell my 11 month old that something is dangerous?

[hasya]

She's just not getting it. I caught her trying to pull a plug out of the socket today. She is 11 months old, and I am not sure if she understands when I tell her that something is dangerous. I am not sure how to convey the message. I know that I should be watching her at all times, but I shudder to think what she'll do if I go into the kitchen for a second.

[2xy]

An infant doesn't have the cognitive abilities to understand danger. Supervision is the best way to avoid dangerous situations at that age.

[hasya]

When can they begin to understand it? I am always in the same room as she is and if I am cooking, I let her be in the kitchen with me. I don't do any heavy duty cooking while alone with her. Just toss some rice and lentils into a pressure cooker on a back burner and get out. So, until I turn the stove on, it is pretty much just measuring and rinsing. If I HAVE to be in a different room, I put her in her in a crib - about the only use we have for it. But there are moments where she's here and suddenly there and that scares me.

[redvlagrl]

I agree that they can't understand danger, but this is where I definitely use the word NO, with a stern voice/face. DD learned that she couldn't play with plugs etc by about 15mths or so. We're just entering this phase with DS (I say as he crawls up to the computer cables).

[goldenwillow]

At that age DS understood quite a few ASL signs.  One being baby and the other was hurt.  I would explain "hurt baby"... done deal.  I do agree with the "no" others have posted but redirecting is positive along with the no or hurt baby. 

[hakeber]

Babies that age don't get it until much later.  My dd actually zapped herself once and she still doesn't get it.  IME they get it at about 3 or 4, in small degrees but don't really get danger until they have witnessed danger or experienced danger...but maybe that's just my kids.

I put caps in the sockets, and cover access to any outlets that are in use.  I have duct tape over the cords and walls.  It's not that pretty, but it means if she wants to wander into the next room to explore I know she will be relatively safe.  We have also bolted the shelves to the walls, removed all heavy and breakable objects to a safe location for the next 4 years, locked all the cupboards and door with childproof locks and basically just baby proofed.  I have to be super vigilant whenever we go anywhere, but at least I can rest easily at home knowing she has a safe place to explore, climb, tumble, etc.

 Whenever I do have to remove her from danger I say "ouch" or "hot" or "danger " and do the danger sign http://www.signingsavvy.com/sign/DANGER/1189/1 

Though I think it looks a lot like the poop sign, so I sort of worry this might cause confusion with our ECing attempts. :-s

[ssh]

We childproofed so that all the cords plugged into the walls were behind furniture or something. For example we put a piece of wood on computer desk so all the cords were behind it, but there was still room to have your legs underneath it. Also they make outlet covers that you screw on, so they have to be unscrewed before they can be unplugged. One thing some people don't think of is anchoring heavy furniture to the wall so it can't fall if climbed on. There are so many things to worry about when you have a child, making your home really safe takes away some unnecessary anxiety. We started using the word dangerous when DD was a baby, but she didn't understand it until about 2.5 or 3.

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by hakeber 

Babies that age don't get it until much later.  My dd actually zapped herself once and she still doesn't get it.  IME they get it at about 3 or 4, in small degrees but don't really get danger until they have witnessed danger or experienced danger...but maybe that's just my kids.

I put caps in the sockets, and cover access to any outlets that are in use.  I have duct tape over the cords and walls.  It's not that pretty, but it means if she wants to wander into the next room to explore I know she will be relatively safe.  We have also bolted the shelves to the walls, removed all heavy and breakable objects to a safe location for the next 4 years, locked all the cupboards and door with childproof locks and basically just baby proofed.  I have to be super vigilant whenever we go anywhere, but at least I can rest easily at home knowing she has a safe place to explore, climb, tumble, etc.

 Whenever I do have to remove her from danger I say "ouch" or "hot" or "danger " and do the danger sign http://www.signingsavvy.com/sign/DANGER/1189/1 

Though I think it looks a lot like the poop sign, so I sort of worry this might cause confusion with our ECing attempts. :-s

That made me giggle!  The danger sign does look a ton like the poop sign.... glad we are not alone!   Wondered about the EC'in signs!  Thank you for the link on signing savvy!

My kid gets it when we say something may hurt him.  He does try to test but does not push it.... pushes other things for sure

[lovepickles]

Our daughter is now 15 months old. We don't use the word "no" in our house ... we are choosing to be unconditional types and stay away from authoritarian parenting.

We use the word "careful" and "hurt" and it works amazingly. We also change the environment rather than trying to control her. (We have those box covers for outlets in use.)

A month or so ago she kept standing up under our dining room table and sometimes smacking her head on the low point. We would say "careful" then SMACK. If i could get to her in time I would put my hand between her head and the table to soften the blow ... but I wasn't always so lucky. Most of the time I would shout it out before she fell or hurt herself. After the fact we would comfort her and say she needs to be careful. Now whenever she gets under there i say "careful" and she bends her knees and ducks. She knows now when I say "careful" in new situations to slow down and observe. She was standing on the edge of the couch and jumping and i said "careful" and she froze and looked around. She wasn't afraid of ME she just heard my warning. I'd much rather her motivation for NOT doing something come from a basic fear of danger than because mommy says so.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by lovepickles 

Our daughter is now 15 months old. We don't use the word "no" in our house ... we are choosing to be unconditional types and stay away from authoritarian parenting.

We use the word "careful" and "hurt" and it works amazingly. We also change the environment rather than trying to control her. (We have those box covers for outlets in use.)

Although overall I agree with your methods, I just want to mention that telling a child "no" does not mean you won't love him unconditionally. I also know authoritarian type parents who love their children unconditionally.

[lovepickles]

Originally Posted by 2xy 

Although overall I agree with your methods, I just want to mention that telling a child "no" does not mean you won't love him unconditionally. I also know authoritarian type parents who love their children unconditionally.

You should read "Unconditional Parenting" for a better understanding of the terms that I have used.

[LynnS6]

Two things need to be distinguished:

1. The ability to understand what 'no' means. An 11 month does have the capacity for understanding that.

2. The ability to inhibit an action when 'no' is said. 11 month olds don't have the ability to do that. That develops slowly. A 2 year old can usually inhibit an action if you say "no" before they start, but not if they're in the middle of it. A 4 year old can stop an action in the middle. A 6 year old can think about consequences and regulate their own behavior a bit better.

So, just because a child understands, doesn't mean they can carry through. (Just like even though I understand that that handful of chocolate chips is not going to help my weightloss goal, actually keeping my hand from dipping into the bag is hard.)

For this reason, it's much much easier to baby proof. Each child should have a place in the house that is safe for them to be left for a minute or so. As long as nothing was on the front burners of the stove, our kitchen was actually one of those rooms. It had locks on the cabinets and drawers, and one cabinet with unbreakable stuff for the kids to open. But if you child proof or prevent access to dangerous things, you head off a lot of battles. You're going to have enough of them as it is.

FWIW, I minimized "no", but there's nothing like a really well timed, truly emotional "No!" to get your child's attention. The other way they learn is by picking up on your emotions.  Since "no" is also  my first reaction, and the one that comes out when my child is in danger, it's a natural reaction.

[sapphire_chan]

But 11 months is an excellent time to start practicing.

When dd first started walking and we went out to play in the apartment yard, she'd always bee line for the opening in the fence that lead out onto a busy street (for those familiar with Indianapolis, we were at 35th and Meridian). I'd stay close to her and tell her that we need to stay inside the yard. As soon as her foot hit that boundary, I'd call "hold!", scoop her up and thank her for stopping. Move her back into the yard, rinse repeat.

So now, at 2.5 she doesn't listen a lot, but I can call "hold" and get a couple seconds of her freezing in place for me to sprint to give her follow up help. It even, wonders of wonders, sometimes gets her to come back to me.

It's the same way my parents worked with my little brother who was a darter to help keep him from ending up under a truck. =D

We also baby proofed everything she showed an interest in messing with. Because if she was willing to play alone for a few minutes, I got to play with my toys (e.g. sewing), not follow her around.

For hot, I held her hand in mine and lowered our hands over cooking food until I felt the heat then said "hot!" and pulled our hands away. She started doing that with candles on the TV and giggling.

[mamazee]

I would start consistently saying something now (careful, danger, whatever), but understand that it won't "catch" for a long time.  Still, the sooner you start, the sooner she WILL get it.  But it's mainly just supervision at this point, and redirection to something else that hopefully will be more interesting.

[Bird Girl]

"We don't use the word "no" in our house ... we are choosing to be unconditional types and stay away from authoritarian parenting."

You may be confused--saying "no" does not make one an "authoritarian" parent, but it makes one "authoritative." There's a big difference between these two pathways.

And the ability to understand danger is many months away from an 11 month old. It sounds like the original poster is ready for some baby-proofing at her house--yes, they are amazingly fast at this age, and no, they do not have any judgement at all about what will hurt them.

[lovepickles]

For an understanding of the terms that I used please refer to "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn. I never meant to imply that those that use the word no do not love their children. In my opinion using the word "no" sets up a dynamic that we are simply not interested in.

[Snapdragon]

I say "no" to my 12 month old when he reaches for the electric cords. he gets it. He repeats back "na" sometimes which is cute. I don't do it in an angry way, I just let him know what is safe and what is not- I feel that this is my responsibility- and I also feel that he appreciates learning boundaries. I tell him no, and often  times move him away from it if he doesn't stop on his own,  but then usually smile and kiss or snuggle him, he doesn't seem bothered by it! I also tell him no if he does somehting that hurts me like grabs at my face in an aggressive way, I pull his hand gently away and say no- he gets it.

[Lisa1970]

I get close to it, and then suddenly jump and pretend I hurt myself in an animated way she can understand. I also put sockets covers on too.

[hasya]

Lisa, that only makes DD think that I am being funny!

[mommy212]

You can get those plates you put on electrical sockets that turn to cover the plug as soon as the plug comes out, because really the problem is here trying to put it back in, taking it out is not likely to get her shocked really. The best way I try to get my little man to understand danger (18 months but been doing these for 4 or 5 months maybe more) is to tell him in a very stern voice that is is bad or dangerous or whatever and this is why. usually it makes him cry but I am not yelling; when he cries I know he gets it and rarely does it again