Meemee; to answer your question about what I know about her.... I don't know why, but the thought of her just makes me sick. What I know of her is that for months before I found out about the affair, she was bringing my ex cookies and brownies, chocolate in the shape of butts. She would meet him for lunch (with my permission) and they would play sex scrabble and sex mad libs. When I questioned him about this he told me I was being insecure and that was the only way to really play those games anyways. Soon she started giving him other gifts, ipods, a car stereo (stuff he said she got for free from her grampa)
She was the one he asked to come to tour home in February 2010 after my daughter was stillborn, while I was still with my baby in the hospital. She played with my older daughter, then almost 3 years old, while he supposedly put away Zejah's nursery. He never asked me, he told me later. On the one year anniversary of Zejah's death she texted him "thinking of 'our' sweet little Zejah." That was 2 weeks before I found them together.
She has major OCD issues. When I went back to get my stuff she had "their" closet, in what a couple weeks before had been our bedroom, it was completely organized, clothes pressed and folded perfectly, like i hadn't had the time to do. I know she cooks, bakes and cleans. His brother said that he thought my ex was an idiot for what he had done and he hates his "mistress" but that "at least she cleans".
I know she drinks a lot. Has had numerous threesomes in the past (not trying to judge, but I feel like it might play into her character), barely completed high school, has never been to college and has never worked. She has two trust funds and a house being gifted to her.
The same night I went back for my stuff I found the Easter Basket she had made for my daughter (it was bigger than ANY easter basket I had made in the past and PACKED with stuff...it put mine to shame). (I don't know why this matters, just a flashback I guess).
She was engaged for 6 years, to a guy who she got together with while they were both in other relationships. She left him as soon as I found her with my husband, packed her bags and said she was leaving him for my husband.
My sister used to run in the same group as her and apparently she has no friends because people don't trust her and/or don't like her. This is one of the things my ex told me to try to get me to feel sorry for her and buy into their friendship...she didn't have any friends,he said. Now I understand why.
Several months before I found out about the affair, she sent me an e-mail in which she said that my husband needed some support after the loss of our daughter that he didn't have anyone, and if I trusted him and were a "good wife" I would allow him to have a "platonic" relationship with a girl. The title of the e-mail was "can't we all just get along?" She wanted to meet in person (for the first time) to talk. I invited her over later that day and felt that she was VERY awkward and stiff (this is how many people describe her). She told me a story about how when her mom was 3 months pregnant with her little brother her dad had an affair and left the family, and her mom was so devastated that she got a very late term abortion. She said she would NEVER do that to anyone else, that she was happily engaged, and she was just friends with my husband, nothing more. I felt like I was the one that was crazy, insecure and non-trusting. So I okayed the relationship, despite my gut feeling. Ironically, I continued having dreams about finding them naked together. Each time I would tell my husband, crying, and he would just laugh it off, saying, something like "ooohh...sounds hot, was it just her or both of you together?"
Anyways, I'm not sure what I'm getting at here, just the bits and pieces I DO know of her...which isn't too much.
I guess I'm having a hard time separating my feelings about her because of the affair with my feelings about her as a person and possibly as a caring "stepmother" figure for my children. It just makes me sick thinking of her in that role, because of what she did to get there. I feel like she stole my life, my husband, my home, and now my children.