3.5 night waking 10+ times

[mommatooth]

Hey again, 

My 3.5 dd has no trouble falling asleep, but wakes up and hollers for me sometimes more than 10 times each night.  I am tired, we are not sleeping.  She has been in her own room on and off for 6 months and likes her own bed- wants to sleep there (or what she calls sleep right?)  I don't understand why my child doesn't STAY asleep.  I know we all have cycles but I am exhausted, and if I try and explain that I can't be fun mommy and get up every hour to tuck her back in she freaks out!  and it really is every hour.

And then there is the peeing.  DD was ec'd and dry at night up until around 2.5...then started sleeping heavier and having occasional misses.  Now she pees the bed freely at least twice every night sometimes 4-5 times.  She doesn't use the toilet during the day that often!  I am at my wits end and think there is some connection between the attention she gets by being soaked (mom strips bed/changes clothes etc.) and her wetting herself.  I change the bed at least once every. single. night.  So I figured she just needs me and that is why she has been back and forth a little bit in the past 6 months.  I put her back in my bed hoping to get some sleep- but we don't sleep well together, she wakes me and wants an apple or a story or something else and will scream and hit if I refuse.

The only sleep we have had has been if I sleep on the floor of her room.  She would then sometimes sleep all through the night!  (she still wakes up soaked, but not until 7am).  So this is a two part post, what on earth to do with a child who won't sleep with or without me?  And oh my goodness how can I help her not pee the bed 4 times every night? especially since a year ago she was dry 80% of the time.  

I have tried limiting fluids after 5pm, a book payment system where she starts with 5 stories and each time she wakes me up I put one back on the shelf and if there are any left in the morning we can read them first thing (this only lead to fits and tears in the middle of the night when the stories went away, and there were NEVER any left), I have just told her I am NOT coming back in her room until the sun comes up (not my best moment but geez!)  

It seems she just NEEDS something from me whenever she wakes up, often she screams for me to turn my light on (I read before bed and she falls asleep seeing the light on in my room) and some nights I am abe to explain that I don't sleep with my light on and others I have caved and tried my best with the light on.  She has a nightlight, she has two actually, I don't know what to do for her that would show her she is safe and I am still there.  She sleep well through her nap usually- she can do two hours in a row on a good day and not wake once.

As I reread this I see we have many issues :)  but mostly I just want us both to get better sleep.  thanks.

[D_McG]

I couldn't read and not respond!

Are you a single mom? If not can you have your partner take over for a 'boot camp' type of weekend?

can you use a pullup at night?

I guess I would:

Have a big talk during the day about how mommy has to sleep and won't be available at night.
Have someone else respond, just verbally, at night. Really minimal interaction without totally ignoring/traumatizing her.
Use a pullup to minimize disruptions (particularly if you feel like it's behavioral).
Be prepared for lots of drama/tantrums and the person responding should have nerves of steel to stay calm and basically non-reactive.

I would try this for maybe 5 nights or so and if there is no improvement I'd go with a sleep study to figure out if there is something else going on.

[mommatooth]

yep, I am a single mom.  And I work at home from 4am to 7 when she gets up- it's the only way.  So to say I am sleep deprived is a monster understatement.  I have really tried to talk with her about mommy needing sleep, and mommy needing to be on the phone and mommy needing to finish some email and it seems like we are really at a point where my expressing  a need seems akin to showing a chink in the armor.  I hate to feel this way but it seems the more vulnerable I am the more she likes to control.  I don't say this in a "my daughter the devil"  kind of way, it just seems like how she is understanding herself socially right now (her social being me unfortunately).

What pray tell  is a sleep study?

I am open to anything, I just want her to stop waking us both up.  We really need sleep to be functioning people.  

She is in pull-ups, she likes to wear underwear under them though and still needs a change when she is wet.  AND pull-ups don't contain all of a 40 pounder's pee.  AND some nights she promises to wake me up and tell me when she has to go potty.  I think she might want to be dry, but either isn't committed at 3am, or just can't get it together.  But then, the sheer NUMBER of accidents.  I mean, she is never dry, but some nights 4 or 5 accidents?  seems like something going on.

I like the boot camp idea, it seems like anything but super soft kid gloves is out of the question in the middle of the night, she is so sensitive and screams/tantrums the minute I do anything other than exactly what she requests.  I sound like I am a pushover and the problem for sure, but I just hoped she would outgrow and move on, instead we seem to have built a pretty steady routine and I am starting to dread nightime again (like I did when she was small).

[D_McG]

a sleep study is where she'd sleep in a lab type environment and they would check for sleep disturbances (like apnea etc). waking 10times a night at her age is definitely abnormal and I'm not really convinced that it could be totally behavioral? IDK. I hope you can get some other advice!

[butterfly_mommy]

I can only offer advice for the peeing stuff in terms of containing it. I have a 43 pounder and he is in goodnights or underjams as they are for weights up to 65 pounds and hold way more pee. I would tell her that she can wear underwear over the pull up, if she bulks at that then have her change her own under wear if she pees. Putting underwear under the pull up makes no sense to me. Also a felted wool blanket makes a great pad to sleep on to keep the mattress dry. Good luck mama it sucks to be sleep deprived.

[SeattleRain]

What happens if she calls out to you and you don't come? Does she come to you? Does she cry? Does it get worse? What happens if you go in, reassure her that you're there, and then leave?

Have you spoken to your pediatrician about the peeing at night? If you're saying that she's not drinking too much before bed but she's peeing a large volume during the night, there's something wrong with that. I drink a lot in the evening and I pee once at night, MAYBE twice. Do you think she might have a urinary tract infection, or irritation, that would be causing her to pee frequently? Perhaps she's going going going all day long that she doesn't stop to pee and it's all coming out at night. Maybe when she was younger you were more dilligent about taking her to pee all the time, but now she's more independant and goes on her own that you're not "micromanaging" the process as much and maybe you need to step back in and take her to pee every hour or so. That way you can make sure she's all emptied out before bed. I would not allow her to wear underwear under her pull-up.

You're saying that she still wakes up soaking at night if you sleep on the floor, but she sleeps through it, which tells me she must need the reassurance of your presence for some reason at night. She's waking up, peeing, and then needing you or maybe in another order, but you're involved. What happens if you let her sleep in her own bed in YOUR room?