DS1 is 6 years old and the new babe is about 10 weeks. We were more than happy to have a large age gap, it's actually what we really wanted for many reasons. After an early miscarriage last year, we were blessed with this pregnancy in May and we were thrilled, as was DS1. The baby is wonderful, he's sweet, even-tempered, smiled early and seems to be a great sleeper and we are incredibly blessed to have this wonderful little guy. I give thanks every day for him and my older DS, how truly lucky I am to have 2 healthy, happy boys.
However I really REALLY REALLY hate the early baby stage. It sets off all kinds of anxiety for me, the uncertainty of each day and night, the unpredictable behavior, the lack of routine, plus that the baby is still essentially a helpless blob for lack of a better term, and can't do anything yet except cry, poop, etc. If I could give birth and then have it turn into a 6-month old I'd probably have 10 of them by now
The baby has developed this issue when going to sleep - for the past 2 weeks when we put him to bed (between 8 and 8:30 right now), he doesn’t seem tired at all, will go to sleep initially, but then wakes up SCREAMING 40 To 60 minutes latern. After a brief pat and soothe, he goes back to sleep, only to repeat the behavior 5 minutes later, then 5 minutes after that. Last night was the worst night he’s had – about an hour and 15 minutes after he went to bed he was up EIGHT times in a 45-minute period. This was a baby that as of 3 weeks ago could quietly coo himself to sleep without any issue.
So this has fueled kind of an anxious insanity for me to obsessively try to "fix" the behavior, try to figure out what in the world is going on in this baby's head, what are we doing wrong to make him do this?. Then because I have a 6-year old that is a piece of cake, I start thinking "Why did I want to do this again? I had it so easy and I wanted to go back to sleepless nights and a screaming baby again?" and blaming myself for wanting to delve back into this level of chaos, knowing full well how long it is before things are somewhat easy again. Then worrying that I'm not being the mom that my older child has been used to - how we could leave at the drop of a hat to go to lunch, a movie, etc and soon we'll be more at the mercy of a baby's routine and needs.
That anxious, panicky feeling swells back up in my chest and I want to cry,well actually I do cry sometimes I guess I just need to know about anyone that's gone through this, especially if you had an older child with a large age gap and had to start from scratch all over again, worrying that the older one is getting shorted of the attention they had all those years before baby intruded and everything erupted into chaos.
Thanks for reading, thinking, and hopefully not judging.