Fat Mamas

[Viola]

We try these tribal threads, but they usually peter out after awhile.  Anyone interested in participating in a thread for fat mamas or not yet mamas, or fat dads?  Basically a size acceptance, fat positive and HAES supportive kind of thing, not a weight loss thread.  If so, introduce yourself here. 

[Monarchgrrl]

I'm interested.

I'm Beth. DW is also fat (although she's gained a lot since becoming a SAHM and is trying to lose a little bit so she feels a bit better).

I've been dealing with my mom and her issues a lot lately. She's always been fat and had bypass surgery two years ago and is now very egotistical and constantly concerned with her looks. It seems like EVERYONE around me is getting surgery to lose weight. Beautiful, amazing women. I hate it. *sigh*

I had a homebirth and my midwife didn't bat an eye at my weight. She knew how healthy I was. But even my dad questioned if I could give birth at home. Shouldn't I lose weight first? My midwife said, "Girl, you're not the first fat woman to give birth. If you were then the human race would have never survived!"

[Viola]

My sister had WLS a number of years back.  She had wanted to have it a few years before, but had gone to all these websites with the people who described all the negative effects, and she decided not to do it.  She called to tell me about it at the time.  Then about 2 years later, in 2006, she decided to look into it again. I was really busy when she called, so I was mostly just listening and uh huhing.  Then I thought I at least owed it to her to be more honest and share my opinion, because she obviously didn't call me just to have me say, yay great.  So I asked her why she had changed her mind, and what about all the horror stories she had read.  And she decided just to be positive this time, and only read the positive stuff.  

I expressed misgivings at what she was doing, and then she got mad and didn't know why I wasn't happy for her, and said everyone else she talked to thought it was great.  I was annoyed because I was in my garage, trying to sort through all this stuff for this big LLL garage sale, and I didn't really care what she did, I didn't have time to talk to her about it, really, but I was *trying* to do my duty and mention the risks, and I guess she really just called up so I would agree with her and cheer her on?  Annoying!

Anyway, my sister had the Roux-en-Y.  It went well for her.  However, she wasn't losing as much weight as they thought she should.  She had to count calories and get to under 1,000 a day in order to lose weight.  She did this for awhile, then she went on some drugs that helped keep her appetite down.  She tried weaning off of them, but she kept gaining weight, so she'd go back on them.  She finally decided to go off of them and deal with the weight gain.  She's also had a lot of problems with anemia, but she had a hysterectomy which helped with that.  Her iron was so low, that in order to qualify for the surgery, she had to get iron infusions before hand.  Then afterwards, when she was so anemic and really sick, the doctors wouldn't see her anymore because she owed them $40 which she couldn't pay.  I sent her the money so she could pay them off and they'd see her, and then she had to have a hysterectomy right away after that.  

Her health problems are minimal compared to what many have had, but she's not thin.  She's gained weight back--and the weight gain process after a loss is associated with cardiovascular risks, so even if she was healthier for having lost weight, I feel like she's negated it.  I forget the exact number, but I think WLS is considered successful if you keep 10-15% of your body weight off after 5 years.  But we surgically alter ourselves, mutilate our gastrointestinal systems for that, and it doesn't even make you healthier. It's so frustrating to me!

[Monarchgrrl]

I feel ya. My mom also had the Roux-en-Y done. And THEN she convinced every fat person she knows to get it done. :( Her sister, her two friends (also my friends). It's worked really well for her. But she's always talking smack about fat people now. Um...HELLO!!!! I'm right here! She also constantly tells me that she's now a size 29 waist and size 6 jeans, etc. She really thought her issues would disappear once she was thin. I told her the truth, that she would still be the SAME person, just in smaller clothes, but she didn't listen. All she cared about was "looking good" without the constant work. *sigh* Now she wants plastic surgery for the loose skin and a facelift for the wrinkles (I love how fat fills in the wrinkles!!!) Now she's just a skinny person with the same issues. *sigh* Meanwhile I'm HAPPY and love my body and can enjoy delicious food.

[maberrysx5]

hi there!  I tend to go from loving my shape and not caring what other people think, to "oh my goodness, I really need to lose some major weight NOW"  lol

[MaerynPearl]

I'm a fat mommy. I also had a homebirth without my midwives caring. They weren't "supposed" to if I was over a certain weight during the pregnancy but I was allowed to decline weighing myself and just go on my first visits weight (because honestly? Not gaining weight during a pregnancy is NOT a good idea!)

Everything went fine and my daughter's healthy :)

I am currently trying to lose weight (for my own health) but not trying to get skinny. I love my curves, I want to stay curvy... I just want to hurt a little less when getting up from the floor and getting out of the tub.

[Viola]

Hello, everyone! 

[ancoda]

Hello.  I am a fat mama.  I have been large for as far back as I can remember.  Even in high school when I was doing two sports a year and was pretty healthy I was still considered obese.  I really would like to get back to being more healthy so that I do not tire so quickly playing with my children, but I really do not care at what weight or size the healthy feeling comes.

[cristeen]

I'm another one whose sister had WLS. After the surgery she landed back in the hospital to have her gall bladder removed and then spent 9 mos or so in a wheelchair relearning how to walk (both as complications of surgery). I was never comfortable w the idea of surgery to begin with, but after that I *really* wasnt comfortable with it. Although i must say that nowadays i have my days of considering it. I just have so many issues around my body image.

I also had a HB w a MW who didnt blink, and i was regularly weighing myself. I gained less than 20 lbs though. I did a lot of educating her though about my particular set of medical issues, thankfully she was open to learning.

I married a man who loves my size, thankfully. While i'd like to lose 50-100 lbs, just to be more comfortable, he wouldnt want me losing much more than that, which is good for me. He's willing to support my desire to lose that much, but just for my gemeral health and not because je wants me to be thinner if that makes sense.

I will say that at almost 35 i still get carded. The fat really does help to keep my face young looking.

[maberrysx5]

Originally Posted by cristeen 



I will say that at almost 35 i still get carded. The fat really does help to keep my face young looking.

I don't usually get carded (I'm 30) but I do have a hard time convincing people that I'm older than my dh!!  (only by a couple months, but still.  he is 29, b-day in a couple weeks, people frequently assume he's in his late 30's early 40's)

[nmouse]

Hello! I also am fat and pregnant! I am at 12 weeks, still clocking my roughly 250 pounds and feeling fine. For my physical well-being, I plan to keep up the daily walks and twice-weekly swims throughout the pregnancy, eat frequently, and hope gestational diabetes doesn't strike. 

I practice size acceptance and HAES, and intend to go to the NOLOSE conference in Oakland this year to share some fat community and support. As a fat pregnant lady, I have a lot of fear over receiving poor or hostile medical care, since there are so many studies documenting doctor prejudices against fat women and showing that these prejudices are even more pronounced in obstetrics and gynecology. I am trying to protect myself by rigorously interviewing healthcare providers and always taking a support person to appointments. I do this normally anyway, but it feels even more important now that I'm pregnant. 

I would love it if this could be an ongoing thread for fat positive and HAES moms & moms-to-be to support one another. I was searching for just that when I stumbled in here.

[Viola]

Very cool, welcome!

[cristeen]

Nmouse - i highly recommend you read up on gestational diabetes. Henci Goer's website has some great info. I would also recommend looking for non-OB practitioners, whether thats a family dr or a midwife.

For me, one of the most important questions while interviewing midwives was asking for their feelings/requirements in regards to the GTT. I had a few tell me they required it. I had a few tell me they recommended it and a few who didnt care about it. Guess which group i showed the door and which ones i actually chose from. My mw was far more interested in discussing actual diet with me. She also was completely open to listening and learning from me about what i know about my body. She wasnt interested in pushing an agenda. Ultimately i asked to borrow a glucometer from her for a few weeks. I wanted to know what was going on, and it was very interesting. Chances are that if id taken the GTT i would have failed, but using the glucometer showed me that im hypoglycemic - many GD protocols would have made things worse. Ask whether a glucometer is an acceptable alternative to the GTT if you cant find someone who is open-minded.

[Monarchgrrl]

CONGRATS nmouse on your pregnancy!!!

I agree with Cristeen- find a provider that is open-minded regarding GTT. My midwife straight up told me she doesn't believe in GD! She doesn't use the regular sugar drink test, even if you wanted it. She asks if you want to use a glucometer for a couple of days and check your sugar before and after normal meals. She's absolutely fine if you decline. If the #'s are slightly high, but not alarmingly, she will even not write them down in the chart until the #'s are more normal after experimenting with different foods and sugar intake levels. I decided to go ahead and do it, just because I was curious. Of course my #'s were perfect. Fat doesn't equal GD. This was such a stark contrast from a previous OB I saw over 10 yrs ago just for regular check up. She said that I would 100% get GD when I got pregnant and it would probably continue after pregnancy if I wasn't planning to lose weight first!!! The fat bias among the medical community is beyond belief!!! Grrrrrr

[nmouse]

Thanks for the advice. I will add gestational diabetes and attitudes toward the gluten tolerance test to my list of questions when I go interviewing midwives next month. Maybe I will buy some test strips and start using my glucometer too. I bought it ages ago in a fit of enthusiasm for self-monitoring, but then didn't enjoy poking my finger enough to continue. 

[Viola]

Have you visited the Plus Size Pregnancy site?  It hasn't been updated recently, but the author has another blog, The Well-Rounded Mama.

[nmouse]

I like both of those sites so much, plus this article that I think is by the same author: http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/size_friendly.asp

[MaerynPearl]

When pregnant with my daughter, my midwives GD test was having me having a breakfast of protein (eggs and bacon lol... gotta love it!) an hour before I came in... and then did the glucometer when I got there. The numbers were fine. They said they almost are when done that way.

[cottonwood]

Oh yay, I am glad to see this here! I'm a fat mama, "obese" according to the AMA. Healthy by all the usual medical standards for middle-aged persons, and four normal pregnancies and homebirths.

[Viola]

Welcome!

I just saw this, kind of depressing: 

In a nation with 93 million obese people, a few ob-gyn doctors in South Florida now refuse to see otherwise healthy women solely because they are overweight. Fifteen obstetrics-gynecology practices out of 105 polled by the Sun Sentinel said they have set weight cut-offs for new patients starting at 200 pounds or based on measures of obesity — and turn down women who are heavier.

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/health/some-ob-gyns-in-south-florida-turn-away-1479897.html