So frusterated with the world, today... - Page 2

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by ursusarctos 

ElizabethE, this piques my curiosity. Why do you say this with an eye-rolling smiley? I ask because I am in the awkward situation of having a strong *feeling* that I would like to UC but DH being very uncomfortable with it and a part of my mind saying "well, you should have someone around to help in case of emergency". Of course my logical brain is then like "ok, just hire a midwife, next best thing, right?". But then I get this cautious feeling about that. In a way, depending on the midwife, I could get less privacy than at the hospital (where they aren't watching you as intensively as a midwife might). But I don't really want to go to the hospital. It's way different here from the US and I think I could get a pretty intervention-free birth if I just say so, but it's still the hospital, not the corner of my bedroom, which is where I feel like secretly giving birth in the middle of the night right now Anyway, sorry to derail the thread, but that just caught my attention.

If your DH is completely opposed to UC and there's no way to bring him around at all. I'd probably lean toward hiring a midwife too, honestly. Thankfully, my hubby is very supportive of my desire to UC. For a homebirth midwife, I'd be looking for someone as hands-off as possible. But, the sucky part is, you can't know for sure just how hands off they will actually be until the birth. So, if you think you can convince hubby to go with a UC, I'd probably try that first personally. 

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by ElizabethE 

Xantho. I know what you mean. I have a friend who had a C because the docs told her that her baby was too big for her to pass. I think this was just “failure to progress”. Her pelvis is wider and she seems a sturdier woman than I, and her baby was smaller than at least one, maybe two babies I birthed vaginally. I don’t have the heart to argue with her. It makes me mad and sad to think that she still believes that a 9 lb baby would not fit through her pelvis. Like, they convinced her that her body was broken or something. She probably still feels thankful for their help, I would imagine.

Talking about diets… on this last pregnancy I had started my prenatal care with entirely new midwives (than my last one). They wanted to put me on a non-vegetarian diet and told me I needed to cut my carbs, because they didn’t like that I had a 9 lb and 10 oz. son with the last birth! BTW, I have a very balanced diet but had admitted to craving carbs in that early stage of pregnancy. I am a fit woman with two fit children (at that time) who were also raised in and out of the womb as vegetarians! She was talking to me like I was some kind of rookie here! She said she was going to keep my baby under 8 lbs. Hello?!?!?! I never went back to that practice, after that. My midwives in pregnancy 2 liked big babies, and even bragged on their vaginal unmedicated big baby deliveries-- and with no tearing. What a stark difference this was.

Anyhoo, I'm pretty sure genetics will have more to do with the baby's weight than the mother's diet. Even if it didn't, are we putting fetuses on diets now? Are they obese? And as far as birthing big babies goes, it's the circumference of the head that will be challenging if anything and not the baby's body, which is where the most "fat" would be concentrated. Holy misinformation by "professionals", Batman.

I hear what you are saying completely.  No diets for fetuses... agreed.  I do however believe you are what you eat and a fetus has no choice in the matter at that point... choices.   

I am sure though that you are not eating at McDonalds DAILY chugging a super sized Coke and drinking a 20 oz soy latte twice a day.    KWIM? 

[ursusarctos]

Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 

If your DH is completely opposed to UC and there's no way to bring him around at all. I'd probably lean toward hiring a midwife too, honestly. Thankfully, my hubby is very supportive of my desire to UC. For a homebirth midwife, I'd be looking for someone as hands-off as possible. But, the sucky part is, you can't know for sure just how hands off they will actually be until the birth. So, if you think you can convince hubby to go with a UC, I'd probably try that first personally. 

I think it's great that your DH is so supportive. I think my DH would go with it if I were really adamant about it, but he wouldn't be comfortable. So, I don't know. I'm supposed to meet a midwife next week and from what I've read (the one birth story I could find with her attending) she seems very hands off. So that could work well. I've just felt so reclusive about my whole pregnancy. But I've sort of been going with the flow, going to the regular prenatal clinic that they have here and letting them think I'm going to the hospital (where most births are attended by midwives anyway). I guess I could have just gone it alone, but I didn't want to fight that fight with everyone around me. Plus I've been sort of ambivalent myself. Now I am trying to process my feelings about UC, how much is my actual fear and how much is just my desire to avoid conflict with my environment. How much am I willing to step outside the institutions that frame our lives. What is the nature of personal responsibility, the point of life, you know, small things like that :)
 

[labortrials]

Originally Posted by ursusarctos 

ElizabethE, this piques my curiosity. Why do you say this with an eye-rolling smiley? I ask because I am in the awkward situation of having a strong *feeling* that I would like to UC but DH being very uncomfortable with it and a part of my mind saying "well, you should have someone around to help in case of emergency". Of course my logical brain is then like "ok, just hire a midwife, next best thing, right?". But then I get this cautious feeling about that. In a way, depending on the midwife, I could get less privacy than at the hospital (where they aren't watching you as intensively as a midwife might). But I don't really want to go to the hospital. It's way different here from the US and I think I could get a pretty intervention-free birth if I just say so, but it's still the hospital, not the corner of my bedroom, which is where I feel like secretly giving birth in the middle of the night right now Anyway, sorry to derail the thread, but that just caught my attention.

Same here.  I figure though that I can ask anyone to give me some space & privacy.  I hate it when ppl hover over/around me, and that's on a normal day.  LoL, I 'see' myself laboring/birthing on the floor by my bed and wall and/or in my closet (the quietest place in my house).  I feel like I'll need to "den up"  (or be outside in my lovely yard, like in a baby pool under a tree). :D
 

[ursusarctos]

Originally Posted by labortrials 

LoL, I 'see' myself laboring/birthing on the floor by my bed and wall and/or in my closet (the quietest place in my house).  I feel like I'll need to "den up"

Me too! I've sort of felt like that my whole pregnancy. Hello, mammalian instincts!

[labortrials]

Originally Posted by ursusarctos 

Now I am trying to process my feelings about UC, how much is my actual fear and how much is just my desire to avoid conflict with my environment. How much am I willing to step outside the institutions that frame our lives. What is the nature of personal responsibility, the point of life, you know, small things like that :)

Those are big questions/issues indeed.  I'm on a similar path toward discovery.  Feel free to keep in touch via PM if you need to ramble about 'em. 

[ursusarctos]

Originally Posted by labortrials 

Those are big questions/issues indeed.  I'm on a similar path toward discovery.  Feel free to keep in touch via PM if you need to ramble about 'em. 

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind!

[ElizabethE]

Originally Posted by ursusarctos 

ElizabethE, this piques my curiosity. Why do you say this with an eye-rolling smiley? I ask because I am in the awkward situation of having a strong *feeling* that I would like to UC but DH being very uncomfortable with it and a part of my mind saying "well, you should have someone around to help in case of emergency". Of course my logical brain is then like "ok, just hire a midwife, next best thing, right?". But then I get this cautious feeling about that. In a way, depending on the midwife, I could get less privacy than at the hospital (where they aren't watching you as intensively as a midwife might). But I don't really want to go to the hospital. It's way different here from the US and I think I could get a pretty intervention-free birth if I just say so, but it's still the hospital, not the corner of my bedroom, which is where I feel like secretly giving birth in the middle of the night right now Anyway, sorry to derail the thread, but that just caught my attention.

Because I had to learn the hard way that midwives were not only unnecessary, but that they could unwittingly help to produce the worst day of my life.

Honor your cautious feeling, your knowing. Deep down you understand something that consciously perhaps you don't fully realize. On that other level, you suspect something is amiss with the midwife idea. You are right. BTW, even with a midwife you have a pretty nice shot at going to a hospital regardless. That's how my particular story ended. In any case, it's a ride of the likes of which you will not know what you are in for until it's too late. And then nothing can be done about it. It may lead to your trauma or even just to your great disappointment. Could I possibly save you from that? My UC was not absolutely perfect and painless, but OH how it saved me from so much of the hurt and wrongness I felt in my 2 previous births.

You didn't derail the thread. :)

[moonfirefaery]

My UC was not absolutely perfect and painless, but OH how it saved me from so much of the hurt and wrongness I felt in my 2 previous births.

This is true of my UC as well. It wasn't perfect, or at all painless, but it saved me from the things that happened in my first birth that I felt were so wrong. And yes, a midwife could possibly have done that as well, but I did it for myself...and I wouldn't do it any other way! (unless circumstances were quite different)

[ElizabethE]

I know now that a doc or midwife would have made my last birth miserable. I get it now. Doing it alone is FAR superior, for me. And I say "for me" only because there are medical situations where one might not be so lucky, so that's just a mere disclaimer for diplomacy.

I can't see doing it any other way, now. If we have any more children, intervention will only be allowed if absolutely necessary. I'm so lucky that I found my way to UCing.

[moonfirefaery]

hehe, even with me on my knees in the tub screaming, pooping in my birth pool, and having to have a rude doctor take out my placenta, I'd still choose UC again and again LOL

[ElizabethE]

What a great guy, that doctor, hm?

[moonfirefaery]

Yeah, how nice of him to call the base family advocacy and report me :/

[ursusarctos]

Ugh, moonfirefaery, what a UAV!

ElizabethE, thank you very much for your answer. I just met a midwife now and am just as undecided as before. She does seem very hands-off but honestly the main reason I would have her there would be to make DH more comfortable. And maybe for the off chance that I need stiches afterwards. From what it sounds like I am not that convinced that she will make it any "safer" than if I were alone but there is the added inconvenience of her wanting to transfer in certain situations. I think I might just need to start my own thread about this...

Edited by ursusarctos - 4/12/11 at 4:15am

[Jynuine]

I try not to get emotionally involved... it's still VERY hard for me, but I've gotten better! One reason I have sort of passed up the idea of becoming a midwife. I think I may just be too opinionated for the better good of the birthing mom- I certainly make a better doula.

But now I'm facing my OWN issues and it literally has me so steamed I've had to put myself on bed rest to refocus.

Up until recently I have REALLY been debating doing a UC and just hanging at home with my beautiful family and my spa tub and my singing birds and duck pond. 20 mos ago I had a great hospital birth but.. mostly because I was in a fabulous mindframe. The midwife/nurses/hospital didnt really contribute at ALL other than the fact I had the tub and meds for my afterpains available.

I went in for my midwivery appointment 36.5 weeks along at the teaching hospital I attend (OHSU) on Wednesday. After sending me into the bathroom for my GBS swab, checking me at my request (his head is literally at +1 station and she commented how he was RIGHT THERE.... and I was just over a cent dilated which confirmed my own checking)  the midwife informed my my titers were up last month significantly (usually is a trace antibody identification and the last labs showed 1-7 titers)  so she wanted to get another titer draw, an ultrasound and... after consulting the perinataologist- they wanted to induce me before 39 weeks.

I think my Jaw dropped off my face bounced off the bed I was on and landed somewhere inbetween the chairs my other girls were sitting on across the room.

I have an antibody to an antigen my husband carries and so I have to be monitored to make sure Im not fighting off the baby in case the baby has that gene trait too. A rise in antibody titers would show my body has detected that the baby is antigen positive and that I was producing antibodies to fight them off. My last one is antigen positive and although I never fought her off, that's not to say that sometime during pregnancy the babies blood wouldnt pass into mine and I wouldnt start then.

I explained to her that IF my titers came back higher and there was a sign on the US that I was fighting him off, I would only consent to them stripping my membranes to get me going first. NO CERVADIL or anything like that and Pit was to be LAST resort and only to get labor going... I felt instantly like I was in a whirlwind.

MY ISSUE was that, instead of saying, "Well let's check your titers now and get the ultrasound to rule out issues and if it shows anything then I want to consult with the perinatologist..." she just went to them and was fine with the induction prescription. This is supposed to be my MIDWIFE! She is one of many I see there, but still!

So I was sent on a marathon by being worked in for an ultrasound- everything was fine only his heart rate was a tad low sticking at about 110 beats. So off to fetal monitoring I go because they were 'concerned' and he had elevations but still stuck mostly around 110. Mind you I was FREEZING and my midwife later told me that could be causing it.... FIVE hours later. But they still wanted me to come in for bi-weekly monitoring. Of course- maybe they wanted to fund some new art for the hallways....

My titers came back... they're the same, so no change.... which is good meaning Im not creating more antibodies or fighting off the baby. But... WHY is the induction prescription still standing...?

The next day I was stressed out. The what-ifs were filling my head... what if his heartrate wasnt low because I was cold.. etc, etc, etc.

So I took a bath and realized.. that I had developed an ouchy sore spot vaginally and then I freaked. I havent had a SINGLE herpes sore breakout this whole pregnancy until now. WHY NOW????

I got my Valtrex ordered and the next day- yup, it was indeed a sore. BEAUTIFUL. And they want to induce me.... Im not having it. So all of yesterday I have been set about resting and getting this thing cleared up ASAP and then I check the status of my GBS on my online chart.

GBS= Positive

So, some incarnation of evil has it out for me. At this point Im just fuming. FUMING. I see my beautiful natural waterbirth going out the window and intervention creeping in. There is NO way Im having a UC with GBS or with the sore still lingering... and I could literally go at any time. He's been engaged in the pelvis for weeks resting right on my cervix. Im afraid to even check myself now to see if Im just having BH or if I might be in labor because Im changing.

It hasnt been a good week... Im depressed and Im avoiding people who dont understand my passion for how IMPORTANT natural birth is...

[tracymom1]

Wow, Jyn, what an ordeal. Big hugs, mama. I started nursing school at OHSU and had to transfer because I couldn't deal with the pressure of that environment. I hope you are able to heal before labor starts. You and your babe are in my thoughts!

[Jynuine]

Awww, thank you. :)

I actually feel like I MIGHT have done some good at some point... Im one of those moms who needs a warning sign on the door stating Im informed, hahaha!

But one of my L&D nurses from when I had Emmalia at OHSU in the summer of 2009 was dumbfounded by my labor. She just sort of hung out while we chatted and transition was REALLY quick- water broke and then 5 minutes later baby was out. She is the one who the other nurse told to grab the bar off to the side in my birth video here.

"I've never seen anyone in labor like you!" she told me with glazed eyes. "It's like you aren't even in labor.. you look like you are at the spa!"

HAHAHA!

The next time I saw her was a few months ago when I was in L&D with an irritated uterus. She was graduating from midwivery school in a few months at that point and had gotten married over the summer. She was able to attend to me and we had the best conversation. I would love to think that somehow my birth played a role in her deciding to become a midwife- but I really don't know.

I can only hope that- if I CANT have what I want, maybe I can help change someone else's life or experience in the process by having a hospital birth? This is really the only thing I can thing of to turn around my situation. Nothing could possibly be as bad as my birth in Florida so- Im going to try and keep a positive view on it best I can.