Questions for No Cry Sleep Solution Moms

[Homebirth_Mom216]

I'm reading the book "the no-cry sleep solution" finding it very interesting.  I have a 2 year old right now and a newborn.  The book recommends that the best time for toddlers to be getting to bed is around 6:30-8:00.  I feel kinda bad about this, but my toddler goes to bed between 11:00 p.m. and midnight(!) depending on when I'm going to bed.  I'm starting to think I've got to get him to bed on his own earlier, but here is the problem:

Often my husband doesn't even get home from work until 7:30 or 8:00.  By the time we sit down to supper, eat (which takes forever with a toddler), do some minimal dish cleanup, get teeth brushed, etc. etc., I'm not sure how it is possible to get to bed much earlier than 10:00 at the earliest.  I would hate to have the kids eat supper earlier than my husband because that is such a family thing, but I don't know if there are a lot of alternatives if I really want to get the nights going earlier.  Do any of you have experience like this with trying to get kids to bed early when work keeps your or your husbands away until it is pretty much bed time?  What have you done to help fix the problem?

Also, I need advice for getting my toddler son to be okay with going to sleep on his own and not having me in the room next to him.  tips?

[AKislandgirl]

I've read the book too and really like it (I have the toddler version). Some things that have helped us...

*inching bed time up a little at a time until we are closer to where we want to be (8:00-8:30 if she didn't nap, and closer to 9:30 when she naps)

*creating a bedtime routine and sticking to it every night. This has helped so much for us. Everything in the same order so she knows what to expect. For us its jammies, brush teeth, pick out and read 4 books, tuck into bed and nurse, unlatch before falling asleep and I lay there for a few minutes while she falls asleep.

I still have to be with her to fall asleep. We are hoping this summer to work on DH being able to do this as well since we have a new baby coming in the fall. With my DD personality I don't think she'll be falling asleep on her own for some time. We are OK with this because she does fall asleep pretty quickly on most nights. You might not mind so much if he is in a routine of falling asleep within 10 minutes or so of lying down.  I do think the toddler version of the book did have some tips on this subject though.

I understand that dinner is family time but if my DH were getting home so late I'd have to do dinner with the kids earlier. I'd make sure to do family dinners on weekends. Maybe DH can give your son a bath when he gets home from work as a way to bond with him each night as well as be a large part of the bed time routine.

[JudiAU]

The book helped us a lot, especially the earlier bed time. Earlier bed time makes napping easier and longer.  Would you consider having a more formal family breakfast instead of dinner. My kids need to eat at around 5:30 to be aslepp by 8:00 p.m. I mourn the loss of dinner but we have plenty of time for it later. Their sleep is more important now and it helps them wind down. I'd have the kids ready for bed when DH comes though the door and give him responsibility for helping the 2 year old go to sleep. He can eat after or scarf down while reading a quick story.

[belltree]

What about having your toddler eat earlier and than hang out with daddy for a bit when he gets home. Maybe daddy could even be involved in the bedtime routine.

Also, if your toddler goes to bed at 11pm, he's probably sleeping in in the morning, so if you move the bedtime by 3 hrs, she will most likely get up 3hrs earlier as well.

Books are great to find tips and hints for solutions, but in the end you have to see what fits your needs. I don't believe in a magical bedtime for children that works for all of them. If however, something is not working for your, sometimes following such advice can give you an idea baout which way to go.

[NEastMomma]

My DH doesn't get home until 6:30ish and DS went to bed at 7pm (w/ time change he now goes at 7:30).  As such, I had to eat supper w/ DS alone.  I chose to eat with him, not wait for DH, so that DS could have some semblance of "family dinner" even if it was just w/ mommy.  We eat at 5;30ish.

I used to nurse DS down to sleep, slip him into his crib, pray for at least 1 hour peace before he'd inevitibly wake up and  I would end up just taking him into bed with me and going to bed myself for the night.  At around 15mos, I started a formal bedtime routine:
jammies, brush teeth, read 3 or 4 books while sipping on sippy cup of milk (yeah, I know... we risk cavities), nurse till drowsy but not 100% asleep, put into crib.  It took a few weeks, but eventually I could nurse him to a less and less drowsy state.  Then, one night when DH was travelling (and DS was 16mos), he just kept crying every time I tried to slip away.  I needed a 1min break and so I put him in crib crying for the millionth time and said, "I'll be right back."  I dialed DH's cell to get a pep talk.  Before DH even answered, DS was sound asleep.  And he stayed that way for about 6 hours.  Except the random occasional wakeup, we've never looked back.

Then one day, a couple of weeks later, we decided to have DH try and take over the bedtime routine, and it worked! 

Our most recent accomplishment is having DH be the ONLY one to attend to DS between the hours of 7pm and 5am.  It's working!  Pretty sweet.  I've been able to maintain a nursing relationship with DS who is now 20 mos.

I read the NCSS when DS was little, but never applied until he was 15mos.  I think if you take it very, very slowly - expect a change to happen over the course of WEEKS, not days, then you will be happy.

Gooood luck!

[Aufilia]

My DH usually gets home from work between 6:30 and 7.  Tristan doesn't stay up late enough to eat dinner with him; he is ready for bed by 7 so by 7 most nights it is time for a last story and some nursing.  So no, Tristan doesn't usually get to eat dinner with daddy, but daddy does sometimes get to read him his pre-bed books, which I personally think is more valuable.  We do often have everyone at the table at breakfast time, even though that means the fanciest breakfast we ever have is frozen waffles. 

[lifeguard]

I guess I feel if the schedule is working for your family than why stress about it? Everywhere I go I see/hear this same sort of advice but quite frankly it just does NOT work for our family. We do bedtime around 9:30 each night & ds generally wakes up 8:30 - much later than most toddlers but his happy, healthy & growing well so to me there is no indication this is unhealthy.

[veganfox]

I love the NCSS! It has helped us a lot. I bought it after an international trip because my DS (he was 10 months old then) kept waking up every hour at night. He did that for about a month and I was losing my mind. Anyway, the book really helped us and got us to the point where DS will fall asleep alone in his crib without nursing or rocking. I still have to be there for him sometimes, but mostly I will say goodnight, close the door and done! :)

The point  that really helped us ->  Consistent betime routine. For us is dinner around 6 or 6.30, bath, storytime and he's in bed around 8 or 8.30. I do feel bad when DH comes home late from work and he hasn't spent much time with our little one, so to mend that, bathtime and story time have become daddy's and Ds's special time together. I mean, it's totally worth it. DS is so much calmer and happy when he's had an early bedtime and full night's sleep.

We try to make up for family dinners in the weekend or we have family breakfasts. :)

[veganfox]

Originally Posted by Homebirth_Mom216 
Also, I need advice for getting my toddler son to be okay with going to sleep on his own and not having me in the room next to him.  tips?

What worked for us:

I started making a shhhh sound after I put DS in the crib, keeping my hand on his back. Every time I removed my hand, and he started getting up, I put it on his back again and made the Shh sound. That could easily happen 2-10 times, at first.  When he stopped getting up every time I removed my hand from his back, I just stayed by the crib shushing him to sleep. When he got used to that, I moved to the next step. Every night I moved a little further from the crib, still shushing just to reassure him I was still there if he needed me. It took us about a month to get to the point where I shushed all the way out the door and he stopped getting up and calling me. Now I don't even need to make the sound. I put him in the crib, say "time for nani (which is the greek word for sleepytime) and he falls asleep.

(Sorry if the explanation is not very clear, I'm not a native english speaker :P)

[marneyjt]

Routine, routine, routine.  Pick a routine, stick with it and life is good.  It may take a few months for it to really gel, but just keep going and eventually everything falls into place.

If your DH is getting home so late, is it a possibility for him to spend time with your son in the a.m.?  I also like the ideas from the other mommas of you eating with the kids earlier and then maybe having your DH spend an hour with them and put them to bed. 

I agree that if what you are doing works, no problem.  But, at some point your son will need to be getting up earlier, for preschool or school, and bedtimes will have to be much earlier.  It seems like it would be easier to transition to an earlier bedtime at this age, as opposed to 4 or 5. 

And one HUGE plus for earlier baby bedtimes is having alone time with the hubby!!!!!  Our son goes to bed at 7:00 and getting to spend a few hours every night with my husband alone is priceless.  I am a firm believer that a happy family starts with a happy marriage.  Sometimes it is hard to put our son down early knowing we didn't get to spend as much time as we wanted with him, but in the end we know it is what works best for us and our family.

Good luck in finding your groove!