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Feeling Conflicted - Where to Birth

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

Prior to listing all my thoughts, I will ask my question: If you struggled with the decision of where to birth, what did you choose and why?

 

 

After my first son was born (epi in hospital), I became very very into homebirth. For my second son, I wanted a homebirth badly, but for many reasons (non health related), had a natural hospital birth with a CNM that was really great (but is no longer in practice).

 

So, my third baby was born at home, UC.

 

My fourth baby was born at a birth center (within a hospital), because I had a lot of fear about a local family that was being prosecuted for a homebirth, I couldn't get comfortable with that fear, and also I didn't really feel good about any of the MWs I could use at the time. I didn't want to do another UC (again, the fear thing, not health issues).

 

After DD2 was born, I felt certain that any future babies would be born at home. It was probably my best birth, but there were some things about the birth center that really bothered me. Primarily, they *require* you to submit a birth plan to birth there. They *require* you to do an interview to discuss  your birth plan. Then, they completely ignored several aspects of my birth plan.

 

Also, I was delivered by a male OB there. He was fine, but I REALLY did not like being attended by a male (first time I had done that). He didn't do anything bad, but was just very all business, do this, do that, in and out. I really much prefer a caregiver that is like a friend, so to speak, who will sit and talk about the birth and my feelings afterwards for a bit or in the days following.

 

So, for this pregnancy, I have found a CPM that I really like. I think we will work well together. And yet, I keep finding myself drifting back to the idea of a hospital birth - with a CNM this time instead of the OB I used last time.

 

I feel like with the CNM group, I can get a lot more support and have a better chance of my birth plan being followed - in general, and by the nurses. I no longer worry about most of the reasons that I previously wanted to avoid the hospital - I'm not worried about unnecessary interventions at all. If I have a good provider, plus I know myself and am not worried about succumbing to their "are you sure you don't want a little medicine?" or their fear mongering - which I honestly didn't even have any issues with at either of my natural hospital births. 

 

I guess the only real risk I feel for myself with a hospital birth are bad germs and being annoyed. I do feel that hospital birth in the US may be slightly safer than homebirth, and in my case, hospital birth isn't really risky in terms of interventions and such.

 

I am the perfect candidate for a homebirth. I have a CPM that I like. Thus I also don't really have the fear factor. And yet I keep drifting back to hospital birth. I don't know why. I really have no good reason.

 

I guess I kind of feel like if I can have a good, safe birth in the hospital and avoid the extra work, cleaning, preparing, and social issues and expenses of a homebirth (which I have to pay all of, as opposed to hospital being covered by insurance), then maybe I should just go to the hospital. Honestly, it is tiring to always being going against the grain, and maybe I just don't need to on this?

 

But then I really worry I'll regret it. I guess I feel like I *should* feel more passionately about homebirth like I used to. Yet, it just doesn't seem to be there. I'm worried if I do choose the hospital, the passion will come back afterwards and cause regret or something.

 

But then I remember all the benefits of homebirth - being in my own environment, no annoying nurses, checks, interruptions, etc., no annoying rules to fight against, no one trying to take my baby for anything, not being in a place for sick people, not having to pack bags or go anywhere, getting to sleep in my own bad that night. Then I feel like, oh, right, that's why I wanted a homebirth...

 

I really just want to make up my mind one way or the other. Bah!

 

Thanks for listening if you made it this far!

 

 

post #2 of 6

If you have this feeling then I think you should go with it. I also had a UC last time but this time I DO NOT want to birth without a midwife. And nothing bad happened during the birth and my baby was perfectly healthy. I just have the strong feeling that I don't want to be without someone more medically trained than us this time. I don't know if I feel that maybe I'm pushing my luck, or my intuition is telling me something or what! Plus I just don't want 100% of the cleanup and everything to be on us this time.

Maybe an option for you is to see a cnm who does home and hospital and then when you start labor decide which one? In my state midwives can not work in a hospital so that won't work for everyone. But there are birth centers run by midwives who also do homebirths around my area.

post #3 of 6

IMO, if you don't have a strong preference to do a HB, why pay extra?  It doesn't have to be your "hill to die on".  You don't have to apologize to anyone for doing a hospital birth, just like you wouldn't have to if you had a HB.

 

 

 

 

 

 

post #4 of 6

Have you talked to your CPM about it? She might help sway your decision. Having a homebirth does sound great in so many ways. What are your cons and how do they weigh? 

I have my first two in the hospital, epi with #1 and unmedicated with #2. I have always thought if I had #3 I would think about a homebirth but I'm honestly just not feeling that way anymore. 

I cant tell if I want the "break" of having the mess and the immediate PP stuff away from home or if I just like the excitement of going to the hospital. I almost had baby #2 in the car on the way to the hospital so this baby has a very good chance of being born either at home or en route no matter what I think or do. LOL

 

Thats why *having* to have a birthplan would bother me. I don't know whats gonna happen, and I just want to deal with it as it comes. 

 

Anyway. innocent.gif What happens if you dont HB? Birth Center again?

post #5 of 6

sounds like you want a hospital birth so go with it.

 

(I am planning a second HB myself, but truly I think you should do what feels right and comfortable for you, not what other people might think you should do- or what feels "politically" right, etc)

 

post #6 of 6

I'm a huge supporter of homebirth but I am an even BIGGER support of intuition! Go with your gut, mama! If you are really feeling like the hospital is the best choice for you this time around then do it! You don't have to justify that to anyone!

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