Finding a companion (long)

[seawitch]

In the next year or so the fam and I are planning a move to a rural homestead on a couple of acres.  Where, we have no idea.  We're thinking maybe the Southeast but aren't sure - somewhere pretty, affordable, and with a good climate for gardening.  We would like to be a bit isolated from society - not completely but enough that we get some peace and quiet and where we can be somewhat self-sufficient.  Nothing extreme, just... good, wholesome country living.  I want some chickens, maybe a goat or two for milk, a nice large garden.

The problem is, the husband is disabled.  On the plus side, that means we get a steady disability check to live off of (so we don't have to worry about a commute to town or anything, so we're less limited in where we can buy a house).  The downside is that, well, there's only so much he can do to contribute.  I'm kind of afraid of getting out there and being overwhelmed, with having young kids and a lot of the responsibility of running the place on my shoulders.  Plus, sometimes he's pleasant as all heck and at other times he isolates himself for days at a time in the bedroom and you barely see him - and that can get lonely for me.

The solution he and I came up with is that we'd like to look for a house that has a separate suite, or a guest cottage, or a finished basement, or a larger bedroom, or whatever - and have someone live there with us.  Maybe a single mom or something like that.  Or maybe even two someone's - depending on how much room we have.  It wouldn't be nearly as formal as a commune, but we could share the gardening / cooking / childcare stuff.  (I would ideally like to have one more baby once we get our house set up as my last pregnancy ended in a miscarriage - and I have really crummy pregnancies that involve a whole lot of bedrest - another woman there would be awesome to help out.)

The disability check doesn't make us wealthy in the least so we couldn't exactly pay a wage, but living rent-free is as much as we could offer.  I'm not looking at an employer-employee relationship but rather someone we get along with and choose to make a little mini-village sort of thing.  When I was a single mom I would have jumped at the opportunity to do something like this - but maybe I'm just a weirdo and no one else would want to do something that crazy.

So, does anyone think this is realistic?  I personally think there's got to be at least a few people out there who would be happy to lead that sort of a lifestyle.  But then I start doubting if we could ever find someone who would be willing to live in a rural area but without receiving a formal wage.  I know the easiest thing would be to just get a friend to do it with, but honestly our lifestyle is drastically different; we really don't know anyone of like mind.  Everyone we are acquainted with is very mainstream and would NEVER want to lead a rural lifestyle...

[philomom]

If you stick near college towns you can almost always find students willing to chip in free labor for cheap or free rent.

Or were you looking for another mom with a single child to be part of your family of support?

[seawitch]

Pretty much the second.

There's no real "labor" that I can imagine.  I mean, there will always be chores of course but that's not my main issue.  My husband, despite being disabled, can pretty much do labor-type stuff as long as it's sporadic.  (Like for example, he can help physically set up a garden bed, but he won't be out there weeding every day.)

Basically we want someone who can be a friend and just, well, a companion really.  A single mom would be ideal but not necessary.  Just someone to help out with chores and be someone to talk to - just another human being to be around for when the husband is in one of his isolating moods.  Many hands make the work light, that sort of thing.

ETA:  We've been to summer festivals before which were basically communes-for-a-week - and we liked the community spirit.  Women (mostly) would get together to make the evening meal, we'd watch each other's kids, etc.  We toyed with the idea of joining some sort of intentional community but couldn't find any that we really liked.  Plus we want to be on our own land that we own outright instead of living on someone else's.  But, I mean, it's not like we really want to full-on start an intentional community, rather something smaller scale and more informal...

[babyfarm]

I think it's realistic, especially in this economy.  A lot of people are hurting financially and looking for creative solutions, and if you're open to a single mom I'd think there would be a lot of those who would love the opportunity to spend more time with their child by having free rent and only needing to make enough money for the other (usually cheaper) expenses in life.  I also believe if you really want something you will find a way to make it happen:) Good luck!!!

[1stimestar]

Oh sounds like you would be the perfect host for a WWOOF person.

http://www.wwoof.org

Also check out the menus on the bottom right for different types of volunteers.

[sweetpeppers]

That would be awesome! If I hadn't just bought a house, I would so be applying right now! :-) I think there should be way more house sharing and things like this around. It is no fun living by yourself. Before I moved here to my own house, I always lived with my other family or nanny jobs, and it was great to have other adults around to talk to. We're so isolated from each other, and it's no good for any of us. Even if I was married, I would still want a situation like that. The problem is finding the right sort of people. :-) I have a three bedroom house now for my son and I, and I feel guilty about not sharing it with someone, especially since we were desperate for a place to live a while back there. But I don't know anyone.

I would first find the place and buy it, and then advertise various places for the kind of person you want. I know I would have moved anywhere on the eastern coast. Anyway, I think it's a great idea.

[Chicky2]

Sounds like you need to buy the house next door to mine and be my neighbor!  It's been foreclosed on and probably really cheap...There's already a garden area that's had good organic compost added year after year until last year. I wouldn't live with you, but next door...

[Birdie B.]

I don't think it's a weird idea at all! I have several friends who live like this or have in the past, and they are mostly single moms.  I have lived in 2 places now where people living communally or in non-family groups and farming is not uncommon - and both places are in the Southeast!  A lot of people these days are looking for 'back to the land' type experiences, and communal living as well.  I think it might take a while to make a plan and to find the right person/people, but it could definitely work.

[mattemma04]

My brother would love a little place like that. He is a general contractor,keeps to himself in any place he rents,does work around the place,assists with childcare,and in general nice company. I always tell him to get his own place,but I think he must like the company of the people he rents from. At the same time he likes his private space when he wants it.

I know if I was ever without dh I would want to hook up with a friend or single mom.

[amrijane128]

I think that the situation is totally possible and realistic. In fact, pick me, pick me! Haha I am a single mother of two sweet little ones in Colorado and have been looking all over for a situation like this. I would love to live closer to nature and would love to have some adult companionship, without jumping into a relationship with a farm owner haha! Are you sure you don't want to move to Colorado? Best state in the country ;D