Looking for kind advice about my breasfeeding challenges- 12 month old

[Snapdragon]

I say looking for kind advice because I am feeling kind of guilty already about my breastfeeding challenge. So I guess I am already a little bit on the defensive about it! My explination of it may be kind of long and convoluted- I am trying to explain it the best that I can.

My ds is 12 and a 1/2 months. Up until he got teeth I found breastfeeding to be a breeze. It all went really well and my milk is abundant. At about 8 months he started getting teeth and we had a few biting incidents. those got mostly better for a while, but from that point on we started increasing food. We also give him water and apple juice.  At this point he also sometimes has cows milk.

so the situation is that I am finding myself really scared of nursing him due to fear of being bit. so much so that I am starting to accidentally wean him, and he is also losing interest in breastfeeding. I still want to nurse him,. I want to nurse him till he is at least two. I had thought originally of nursign him till he is three. But I need to get past this challenge. He eats a lot of food. He loves everything we feed him. And because he also drinks a lot of applejuice/water, he can go almost a whole day without nursing. So here is the situation:

I have periods where I really make it a point to nurse him more. Just last week we had a good week of it and I was so happy- in which I nurse him first thing in the morning, and maybe 3 more good nursings in the day/night. that, for us, is a ton of nursing at this point. when we have those good days and I can relax while nursing him, when he nurses it feels that he latches on well and deeply, and I love how we both feel when he gets the good nurses.

But our typical problem day- which happens more often than not, we get maybe one or sometimes two nursing sessions in a whole 24 hr period. and sometimes even those are weak or tense for me. What happens is: every day I say to myself, okay, I really want ot nurse him more, so I am going to make a big effort to do so, and not be scared. So then I go to nurse him, and sometimes he gets this shallow latch, which feels pinching to me, and I find myslef getting really tense and scared tha the is going to bite! He doesn't even bite all that much- but it is a combo of the fear of biting and the shallow latch pinching thing, and then he will opo off and I just get all weird about it and scared ot latch him back on! so after that happening a fair amount, nbow sometimes he doens't even want to bother with it!

so my breasts are getting quite full and sore sometimes. So sometimes I will then just hand express some into a cup and he drinks it. he drinks from a cup, not a sippy or bottle, btw.

anyway- he seems pretty okay with not nursing so much. we have no trouble with bonding, we co sleep, we snuggle tons. oh I have to cut this short to tend ds- but the short of it is that I know I could give him less food, less juice, and nurse more. But I am scared of nursing! Because of the teeth. He has 4 on top and four on bottom. when I go to latch him on I feel like I am offering my nipple to a vice grip!

Right now my breasts are full of milk and dh is putting ds to sleep and I hear him- I tried- I "tried" to nurse him just before this, but the same thing happened- he latched on, sucked a few seconds, popped off, then I got scared (so embarressing!) and ds got distracted, I hand expressed a little- and anyway- here I am . Wanting so much to nurse him but haing this challenge. I actually ordered a breast pummp today. I wonder if I just have to pump the milk and give it to him in a cup- it seems so odd.I absolutely want him to still have breastmilk, and I still make tons of it. It is just the fear of biting thing. I know the idea that if they really want to nurse they won't bit- but I still have this fear and discomfort.

thanks for any kind ideas. I know this is sort of odd and I feel weird about it.

ETA- had to add something- which is that now sometimes when I try to nurse ds he just doesn't want to! he will turn away and roll off my lap. Like he is sick of my whole fear thing, and how i I sometimes cut him short of nursing. Like he is weaning himself a litlle, but in response to my issues! My thing I am trying to figure out how to do is get past my issue so i can nurse him more. some weeks, as I said, I can- and it is great, but then we get back into it.

[Snapdragon]

just wanted to add a short thing here as my other post is so long and wordy. My whole issue boils down to my fear of being bit. He does bite sometimes. I figure he only bites when he doesn't want to nurse- but somehow this plays into my fear as I am like- does he really need to nurse right now? So just now after I typed the above post, I could hear in the other rm that dh was putting ds to bed but he wasn't totally settling. ( we both put ds to sleep, sometimes dh and sometimes me). So I go into the room and I feel that ds is kind of warm and I think he is thirsty. I know he is not hungry based on how much food he has eaten recently. SO I say- okay, I "should" nurse him. so I pick him up, take out my breast- he opens his mouth- and I just froze up and got scared! wtf is wrong with me?!! I feel so  lame about this! So then I go- I can't do this right now, so I take ds into the kitchen and give him another drink from a cup, he was thirsty- he drank a lot- and put him back to sleep easily once his thirst was quenched, and now he sleeps. so he was fine- it is juts that I could have given him breastmilk and not the other drink, but I freaked out! So then every night, I say- tomorrow I am just going to not let my fear stop me, I
 will nurse him more. so hopefully I will. And now my breasts feel over full! So I guess it owuld be better if I can at least pump the milk out so that if I am still scared to nurse him I can at least give him the breast milk in a cup. but I would like to just nurse him and not have this fear.

[Quinalla]

Don't be embarrassed, after the first time my DD bit me, I was scared for awhile to put her back on the breast too! It hurts a lot and no one wants such a sensitive part of their body at risk for a bite. As far as getting over it, what helped me is making sure I offered and made available lots of things my DD could bite and if she was teething or seemed in a biting mood to direct her to them. Maybe having something else he likes to bite right with you while BFing would help? So that you know if he does try to bite, you can say "no biting mom" and immediately redirect him so he knows what he can and can't bite. Having a plan of what I will do helps me a lot to feel confident and less fearful. I don't know if that will work for you, but I wanted to give you a response.

I also would unlatch and relatch him any time he does a shallow latch that hurts. It's another nursing manners thing that he is old enough to start learning for sure!

[Snapdragon]

thank you!  I appreciate your response

[elluin]

Hugs Mama! I'm sorry you're having breastfeeding trouble. What worked for us when dd started biting was to make sure she always had a really good latch. I had to go back to the early breastfeeding practice of breaking the latch and trying again if it wasn't a great latch. Maybe we had both gotten lazy about our latching practices as things got easier? At a La Leche League meeting another mom mentioned that they can't bite if they're latched well; they tend to bite when just the nipple is in their mouth. Also, pulling her in close so she kept a deep latch as she got full helps. She seemed curious about my reactions to her biting, so I tried to not react at all and then she mostly lost interest.

For your own fear and anxiety, can you do a little quick meditation before you nurse? Maybe take a deep breath and visualize a positive nursing session? Or focus on all the benefits of nursing your little one? I think if you can overcome your fears you'll be able to get him back to nursing, maybe just offer the breast first before any other foods or liquids?

Good luck!

[Snapdragon]

I am very glad I posted about this here and got some responses.  Because this issue is really about a mind set thing. I feel guilty about it right now, but at least I am still lactating and he is still little and I can still turn it aorund from here! But I think on some level I was feeling like- he is past the tiny infant stage, and even though everyone I know bf's till 3 or so- so I expected to do that too, on some level I was feeling like- well, he doesn't really NEED it now- he eats good food, I make sure he gets what he needs from that, he seems fine with out it, he is a happy guy, etcetera- so I was kind of psyching myself out not to do it.  But just reviewing it here, I am remembering that breastmilk is still actually REALLY good for him, and he still needs the nutrients. So I feel guilty! Today was another bad day with it.  We had a decent but short first thing in the morning nursing. then I "tried" to nurse him mid day but I got all weirded out and then when I tried to resume he just wouldn't do it- so I hand expressed some and he drank it- but I wasn't able to get that much out- maybe 3 oz's or so? I ordered a pump from amazon- a hand pump= but it hasn't arrived yet. Then that was it for today- I tried once more later but again it just didn't happen- ugh. he is asleep now- he may wake up  and want to nurse once in the night but I did feed him a lot of dinner so he may be full all night. But tomorrow morning I will start again and do a better session and then in the day I will do a few more and rather than get all freaked out I will just think- this is really good for him, and just do it. I will let you guys know how it goes.

[skfmama]

I can totally relate to the anxiety after a bite or bad latch. My little guy is a similar age to yours. He doesn't bite, per say, but he doesn't latch very gently either. Most times he starts of with a rough latch on where I can feel his teeth (I think he doesn't cover up his bottom teeth with his tongue for the first split second)...then after that it's more or less comfortable. But when I see his little mouth full of teeth going for my boob I hesitate because I expect it to hurt. I think my hesitation/anxiety with letting him latch makes it worse...but I can't help it.

Anyway, I feel ya there. :)

DS doesn't exactly ask to nurse any more, either, and he's definitely cut back how often he nurses and upped his solids a lot. But we've stayed in the same routine, more or less, for awhile. He nurses when he wakes up, before and after each of his naps, and then before bed. Maybe once or twice during the night, that depends. Nursing after his naps he could take or leave - so if I didn't offer I'm sure he'd easily drop those feedings. But I keep offering because he is still little and I want him to keep nursing. Maybe you could try working some feedings into your day...before or after naps, before meals by 30 minutes or so...something like that. I think being consistent (we're not scheduled - he doesn't eat at the same time, just a loose routine/rhythm) helps a lot. If we have something going on or friends over when he wakes from a nap and I don't offer to nurse him pretty soon after he wakes up, he starts playing and gets busy. Then if I can get him to latch it lasts maybe a minute and he's off playing again. So consistency really helps us out.

Hope that helps. Be encouraged...you're doing great! Hugs, mama!

[Snapdragon]

that is good advice- after naps is a good time. Our best nurse these days is when we are both mellow and a little sleepy ie first thing in the morning- I should totally nurse him after his naps- we have a consistent nap schedule, one morning and one afternoon- so I will try that tomorrow. thanks!

[Snapdragon]

Today is going better with this issue than the last few days, and I think lots of it is dues to suggestions from this thread! yay mdc it has helped me in my parenting journey in so many ways already.

anyway- since my last post last night- I nursed him a really good session when he woke up in the middle of last night, then a decent session after waking this morning. then a small short nursing when he woke up from his morning nap. It got interrupted by a phone call and I lost my flow. now he is in his afternoon nap and I will nurse him when he wakes from it. I really like skfmama's idea of finding a schedule / rhythm with it. I think it was so sporadic before- and I know that it works best for us when he is already calm, afgter just waking, rather than triyng to calm him with it- we have other methods to get to sleep. so i am feeling optimistic about it. I also have just been trying to think, while I am nursing him, how good the breast milk is for him. so I guess my goal is to do 4 good nursings in a 24 hr period- one after waking in the morning, one after each nap, and one in the middles of the night. I will let you guys know! It is still challenging- I still find it a little hard to do- like to totally relax while I am nursing him, but I am gonna work on it.

[skfmama]

Great to hear! A rhythm is so key for us too...hope you guys can find one that works well for you!

[Snapdragon]

 I am posting here because I am hoping that people other than me, from an outside perspective, can help me figure out this frustrating obstacle I am still encountering.  I went to nurse him after his afternoon nap- I went 4 minutes and then for some reason my body started to feel a little uncomfortable and I stopped! He wasn't even really done and my breasts were still full but it was at that point that I felt like it was making me nervous.I I don't even know why or how- I guess it is about biting, or just the general intensity of it.  at which point I stopped, and then I gave him some whole organic cows milk in a cup.

I wish I had just nursed him a full session. Now he is going to bed and my breasts feel very over full.

Today was a step in the right direction: Figuring out a schedule (after naps and sleep), and trying to be calm about it.

The challenge is still that I start to get nervous or uncomfortable at a very early point, which I really want to change about the situation. I want to just nurse him a full relaxing time when I nurse.

[elluin]

It might help if there is something to distract you from your anxieties. I know when I am anxious if I'm not distracted it just keeps building until it feels out-of-control. If you don't normally do meditation-type activities, I realize it may sound far-fetched, but during pregnancy I realized how effective a little breathing and guided relaxation can be with anxiety. Can you listen to a relaxation cd or track while breastfeeding? Either meditation type music or a guided relaxation... something positive to focus on while nursing your little one. I don't think it needs to be about breastfeeding, just try a guided relaxation that works for you. If you can focus on your breathing and a positive visualization it may combat your anxieties from mounting.

What things normally help you relax? Some other things that help me are burning lavender oil and watching Breakfast at Tiffany's! Maybe you can take what works for you and incorporate breastfeeding?

[Snapdragon]

elluin- that is a nice idea! I will try that- just the basic idea of working on relaxation during breastfeeding, as a practice.

[NewBeginnings1]

Mine tends to bite when he's done one one breast and wants to go to the other. 

[indigosky]

I also just wanted to point out that it's VERY common for kids to sort of lose some interest in nursing at some point around 10-12 months -- for someone who wants to wean, it's an easier time to do so. You'll hear some people tell you, "My kid just naturally weaned all by themselves at 11 months," and that's almost certainly the result of this little "dip" in interest when there's so much else to explore in the world!

But for those of us who want to nurse longer (3 years here, and going strong -- stronger than I'd like, some days!), the key is just continuing to offer. At some point their interest kicks back in, and it is as important to them as it was when they were younger.

And at some point the biting totally, 100% stops, too, and you forget that it even used to happen. Until you read a post from a nursing mama of a younger kid, and then your heart breaks remembering what an awful, sad time that was. I totally remembering crying in real pain and feeling so enraged at DD and being so scared to nurse. Sort of incredible that looking back, it feels like it was a very short period in our whole nursing relationship.

[Snapdragon]

Things are getting better with this! Here is how it changed for me. When I first write this post my internal mindset about it was something like- "I don't really enjoy nursing ds any more, it makes me nervous, but I know I should because he is only 12 months, but does he Really need it?" so there was a lot of resistance. So then I processed it a  lot and moved into a place of- well, I don't have to do it past the first year. So I am choosing to. So I turned how I am looking at it to a different way- deciding- nursing after one year is a different experience than the first year. So then the real shift happened because I started expressing the breast milk into a cup whenever I felt full of milk but it wasn't a right time to nurse. So I give ds all the milk I express. and at one point I looked at the milk in the cup and it just looked so amazing and sweet and lovely and especially for my little baby- and then I just wanted him to have lots of it! So I shifted to a place where now when I nurse I don't think so much about how it feels to me, but rather I focus on the sweet milk I am giving him. Also, since I allowed myself to move from a place where I felt I "should" to a place where I "want " to nurse him past a year, I took a lot of the pressure off of myself. So that if during the day I don't feel inclined to nurse, I am happy to express the milk ( I found that hand expressing works for me better than a pump ) and give it to my baby that way. So now I am nursing him maybe 3 times in a 24 hr period but then also expressing milk and giving it to him an additional 3 times. Sometimes I may still only nurse him twice, but often times 3 times- but with the additional milk he is getting much more than when I originally posted.Plus, I am not feeling engorged and imbalanced any more because when I feel myself fill up with milk and it is not a time to nurse him, I express the milk and know he will get it. And since I have started doing that my milk is even more abundant and I can express quite a lot quickly. so now I nurse him usually once in the night when he wakes up, and once in the morning, and usually once in the day, plus the expressing of it. so it is better. And also, I really do want him to have breast milk for at least another year- maybe two more.

[elluin]

That's great that you were able to shift to such a positive mindset! Keep the good thoughts coming!

[kavamamakava]

It seems that focusing on relaxing during nursing sessions and nursing him after naps and sleep times works well for you. Just keep those up and I think your nursing relationship will be strong. He might add some sessions in as he gets older or he might become a power nurser and get all the good digestive enzymes and antibodies and nutrients in those few nursing sessions. I used to row in college and we did power 10s when we worked out which was a focused super strong powerful 10 strokes of rowing. So I did 'power tens" in my head for nursing when I started feeling like a twitchy momma cat and wanted to get up. I would count slowly in my head and give a reason I was happy to be breastfeeding for every number I counted. Sometimes I had to do two or three power tens to get me to relax into the nursing session and not end it early. It's a relationship between the two of you and you shouldn't have to feel like you are enduring something you don't like. You could bring water and a snack and a book or the tv remote or sit at the computer while you nurse so you don't feel like you're stuck there just nursing. Let that oxytocin flow and make you happy! :D

[Snapdragon]

thanks! I still have more work to do on this for sure. I still end the sessions earlier than I'd like to.  And I want to increase the am't I nurse more than express- but I am better than before and on the right track.

[sachakcollins]

Nothing to be ashamed about. It's a trap that many Mom's get caught into. I accidentally weaned my oldest at 13 months in a similar situation. Have you ever gone to kellymom.com? She has some great resources on what to do when baby bites you and other nuisance behavior during nursing. The best thing you can do is calmly tell baby when he bites you something like "No biting please, that hurts Mommy. If you want to bite, we can't nurse" break latch, and try again. Just keep doing that until he realizes that if he's going to bite, he can't nurse. At 12 months, he will get the picture! I hope that helps 

Mom of 2, and