SAHM wanting a divorce

[jojo12]

My husband owned the house before we were married.  He has own bank account and refused to add me to it.  I am in the process of taking my exam to be licensed for Allstate.  I do not want to up root my children.  Will I have to leave the home?

[HollyBearsMom]

First of all Welcome to MDC!

Second- do not seek legal advice from strangers on message boards. If you are even considering divorce you need a lawyer.  There are many things you can (should! must!) do before filing to protect you and your children.

good luck

[kristandthekids]

When you say "I want a divorce" do you think he'll pack up and leave?

[jojo12]

No, he has told me to leave!

[Greenlea]

If your DH wants to sell the house, you may have to move.  How long have you lived in the home/been married?  Because even though your name may not be on the deed, you have established residency and cannot just be kicked out, especially if you get the kids.

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by jojo12 

No, he has told me to leave!

Then RUN do not walk and get yourself a lawyer.  Get off the internet NOW and start calling.

[jojo12]

Holly,

I do understand that, just trying to get some feedback! I don't think it's right that my name is on NOTHING! We've been together 10yrs, married 8.

[jojo12]

Greenlea,

No he won't sell the house, his name and family member is on the deed.  Family member lives in different country.

[jojo12]

He thinks he will get custody and I will leave with NOTHING!

[HollyBearsMom]

Its not "right" but you have been married for EIGHT years.  You have children.  You are complacent in this as well. You need to ask WHY you allowed him to buy the house w/o you on deed.  WHY you allowed him to open a bank account without you as joint holder. Emotional abuse? Physical abuse?  Were you naive? 

This has been going on for way too long and now he wants to throw you out. If I were you I would not be looking for BTDT advice.  You can get that later. Nobody on MDC can help you right now other than support and hugs.  While that is nice and good it won't help you in the long run.

He has ALL the power right now.  You need legal representation to protect you and your children.  There are laws in place to protect woman like you. You need to find out what those laws are and get them working in your favor.

Originally Posted by jojo12 

Holly,

I do understand that, just trying to get some feedback! I don't think it's right that my name is on NOTHING! We've been together 10yrs, married 8.

[jojo12]

I said he owned the house BEFORE me along with HIS bank account! How was I suppose to DEMAND him to add my name to his previous possessions?

[Greenlea]

Do you have a bank account with your name on it at all?  I think it will be hard for him to get the kids, especially with you being a SAHM.  Have you always been a SAHM?  If so, he has been supporting you and the kids and courts will not just take them away from the mom because your name is not on the house.  While you may not get any money in the divorce (as far as assests are concerned), he will still have to pay child support and probably alimony. 

[jojo12]

I stopped working due to complications, when I was 5 months pregnant. Yes, I have a account.  I will be working soon.

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by jojo12 

I said he owned the house BEFORE me along with HIS bank account! How was I suppose to DEMAND him to add my name to his previous possessions?

Ummmm- because you are his wife?? It's called protecting yourself. Since he owns the home with someone else I can (possibly) understand that. 

I would have had a hard time marrying, never mind staying with a man who do not give me access to the marital assets- bank accounts, etc.  But you did it, you chose to have children with him and now you are SOL. Get a lawyer.  Protect yourself. Your are talking about the lives of your children.

[jojo12]

I don't believe I'm SOL.  Thanks for your advice.  I will protect myself and I'm sure your life is roses and you've done all the right things!

[Greenlea]

Yeah, HollyBearsMom, I believe you are being a little harsh to the OP.  No one goes into a relationship expecting to get a divorce.  There are lots of marriages where the husband and wife do not have a shared bank account.

[jojo12]

Thank you Greenlea.  Trust me, I've learned alot and all of this has caused alot of resentment towards him! We have done couseling twice.  I've suggested it for the last time b/c of the children.  I don't want to put them thru a divorce but truth be told, if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be together.

[HollyBearsMom]

Yes I am being harsh.  No one goes into marriage expecting divorce but that doesn't mean keeping your head in the sand is the right thing to do. The OP first post on MDC is asking for legal advice. Not a smart move especially in light of the additional details that keep on coming. After the first round of counseling I would have been very busy protecting myself and my children.  Now she sits here after two rounds of of unsuccessful counseling with no access to the marital assets, a husband who wants to throw her out and keep custody of her kids. My first step wouldn't be posting on some random message board. She needs to be talking to a lawyer

Originally Posted by Greenlea 

Yeah, HollyBearsMom, I believe you are being a little harsh to the OP.  No one goes into a relationship expecting to get a divorce.  There are lots of marriages where the husband and wife do not have a shared bank account.

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom 

Yes I am being harsh.  No one goes into marriage expecting divorce but that doesn't mean keeping your head in the sand is the right thing to do. The OP first post on MDC is asking for legal advice. Not a smart move especially in light of the additional details that keep on coming. After the first round of counseling I would have been very busy protecting myself and my children.  Now she sits here after two rounds of of unsuccessful counseling with no access to the marital assets, a husband who wants to throw her out and keep custody of her kids. My first step wouldn't be posting on some random message board. She needs to be talking to a lawyer

Well as they say hindsight is 20/20, so kicking someone while they are down in a case like this is pretty vile.

OP you do need a lawyer. As far as I understand it most states have legal protections built into marriage, which include property rights. In other words it might not matter if your name is not on the deed...you are his wife and if you live in a community property state than his part of the house is half yours. In the meantime he cannot force you to leave. Don't let him intimidate you!!

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl 

Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom 

Yes I am being harsh.  No one goes into marriage expecting divorce but that doesn't mean keeping your head in the sand is the right thing to do. The OP first post on MDC is asking for legal advice. Not a smart move especially in light of the additional details that keep on coming. After the first round of counseling I would have been very busy protecting myself and my children.  Now she sits here after two rounds of of unsuccessful counseling with no access to the marital assets, a husband who wants to throw her out and keep custody of her kids. My first step wouldn't be posting on some random message board. She needs to be talking to a lawyer

Well as they say hindsight is 20/20, so kicking someone while they are down in a case like this is pretty vile.

OP you do need a lawyer. As far as I understand it most states have legal protections built into marriage, which include property rights. In other words it might not matter if your name is not on the deed...you are his wife and if you live in a community property state than his part of the house is half yours. In the meantime he cannot force you to leave. Don't let him intimidate you!!

Actually depending on the which state/country she lives in many community property laws are only for assets obtained during the marriage. According to the OP he owned the house prior to the marriage. Also he does not own it alone, there is one of his family members on the deed which complicate her rights further. there is no guarantee that his part is half hers,

And how am I kicking?  She needs a lawyer and pronto.  I am saying what *I* would have done after he refused to put me on the bank account, after the first attempt at counseling, after the second attempt at counseling.  She didn't and she is now in a lot of potential trouble. She needs legal representation not random advice from strangers.