Bruises at Daycare--please help. What to do?

[justKate]

I can't believe I'm posting this.  My DD (26 mos.) is in a small care center--an owner-operated type gig, not a chain.  She's been there since she was six months old and I've always been really happy with them.  They've accomodated my goat milk requests, my selective vaxing, my sunscreen obsession, etc., without any grumbles.  Most of the teachers have been there 5-20(!) years, and they seem to really love DD, and she loves going.  So last week (Wed. or Thurs.), I'm giving DD a bath at night and i notice she has three distinct fingernail imprints and three distinct finger-size bruises on her left shoulderblade.  Obviously someone did it picking her up.  Having NEVER had any misgivings about them before, I mentioned it to a senior teacher and let it go, thinking that she probably fell and was caught roughly, or whatever.  The teacher also said that since it's where you would pick up a child (under the arms, with your fingers on their shoulderblades), it was probably something like that.  So last night, exactly one week later, I'm giving DD a bath and she's got three more fingertip bruises on the other shoulderblade!  WTF?!  I talked to the same teacher this morning when I dropped her off, and again, she was sort of concerned but dismissive at the same time.  DH and I are meeting with the director this afternoon, but I'm at a loss for what to do/say. 

I guess my theories are:

1) An older child or bigger toddler is trying to pick DD up, and bruising her in doing so.  Teachers say older kids would not have access to her, and I honestly can't see DD tolerating that from another toddler.  She's scrappy.

2) Teacher is picking her up "normally" but she's bruising because she's anemic or something.  This is possible, because I don't give her vitamins, but I do cook in iron and she doesn't have other unexplainable bruises.  And what about the fingernails?

3) Teacher is being too rough unintentionally.

4) Teacher is gripping her to get her attention/scare/punish or whatever.    This is hard for me to imagine, but I you never REALLY know.

Other issues--DD says her friend "J" hurts her.  J is tiny like DD and only 4 days older, and there's no way that J could do that, or make fingernail marks that far apart on her back.  Is she saying J hurts her because she knows J is her friend, i.e. "safe?"  She says "J my hurt me!"  She's not very verbal at all and I think she thinks of "hurt" as an emotional thing rather than a physical thing, like hurt feelings.  She also says "my mommy hurt me" when I tell her not to do something from the other room.

We are moving on May 25, so her last day there will be like May 18.  Given the stress of the upcoming move, I can't see moving her to another care situation for a month.  That will be majorly stressful for her, and she LOVES her friends and would ask about them.  There's no way I can quit my job early, and we have no family/friends in the area that would be alternate care providers.  I might be able to change my schedule to work 4 days/week instead of 5, but there would be financial consequences and i'm not sure that resolves anything.

What am I supposed to do to protect my baby?  And what do I say to the Director this afternoon?  Help!

Here are the photos:  March 30th-ish:

April 6th (right side, not as clear):

April 6th (you can still see the bruises on the left from last week):

Honestly this is making me sick.  I couldn't sleep last night and I feel like throwing up.  What am I supposed to do?

Edited by justKate - 4/8/11 at 5:50am

[Adaline'sMama]

Honestly, it seems like its pretty likely that your post wasnt responded to before you left for your meeting. I hope you are okay. I dont have a child in daycare, so I dont really have a lot of advice, just hugs. I hope its just a misunderstanding and your LO has been clumbsy and bumping in to things. I know this must be making you so anxious, Im so sorry.

[t2009]

I am so sorry you are going through this! I just can't imagine how terrible you must feel about this. I honestly don't have real advice, just wanted to offer sympathy.

I hope the meeting provides you some comfort, but honestly, you have to follow your gut. If you no longer feel it's a safe environment, then by all means pull your daughter. Can you or your husband work from home for a few days while you figure things out? I am SURE that you could find quality, temporary care. The transition might be tough for your daughter, but I'd think it would be infinitely better than poor care with her friends.

Good luck.

[justKate]

Thanks.  The meeting is actually not until i pick her up at 4:30 today (it's 1:15 now).  I'm really not looking forward to it...

[AJHCFamily]

I don't have experience with this but also wanted to offer support. If you can, try to write down all your questions (even those you don't want to think about) and make sure each is answered/discussed. Being extra cautious at this point is worth it. Would you daughter role play with a doll to show you how she was hurt (the hurt she says is from Jill)?

[zebra15]

IDK if your meeting happened yet or not but if it was my child, she would no longer be going to that daycare. Based on the dismissive attiude of the staff.  Yes kids fall, yes kids bump into things but if your gut is telling you something different (which it seems to be) then you pull her from daycare.  Quit your job early, find another sitter, use another daycare center but I wouldnt be sending my kid back there.

[Dr.Worm]

I'm so sorry.  This really doesn't sound good.  Please let us know asap what happens at the meeting.

[Dr.Worm]

Trust those Mama Bear instincts.

 

Originally Posted by zebra15 

IDK if your meeting happened yet or not but if it was my child, she would no longer be going to that daycare. Based on the dismissive attiude of the staff.  Yes kids fall, yes kids bump into things but if your gut is telling you something different (which it seems to be) then you pull her from daycare.  Quit your job early, find another sitter, use another daycare center but I wouldnt be sending my kid back there.

[justKate]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr.Worm 

Trust those Mama Bear instincts.
 

That's why I'm so confused!  Because I don't feel like any of the teachers would intentionally hurt her.  But this just can't be right, you know?  What child comes home with finger tip bruises just from being picked up?  I don't think they would hurt her on purpose, but I'm scared to death of turning a blind eye to it.   

I have asked DD to show me what happened with J, but each time she brings it up she says something different, or something nonsensical.  And I don't want to suggest anything, so I've just left it with open-ended questions.  And that's gotten me nothing.  Ugh.

Edited by justKate - 4/8/11 at 5:50am

[hjdmom24]

I agree trust your gut! Your head doesn't want to believe that the people you put your trust in would hurt your child but it seems your gut is telling you otherwise. I could see brushing off the bruises one time as a "rough catch" or something but twice with fingernail marks? Someone is probably handling her way to rough and even if they are not meaning to hurt her they probably are meaning to scare her. Unfortunately I have seen this way to much working in daycare. You may want to ask if there has been someone new working in her room recently that maybe didn't have much contact with her before. I hope that didn't come off to harsh.Good luck.

[Greenlea]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I hope it is nothing.   However, I pick my son up all the time that way, and I have never left bruises.  The fact that it has happened on two different occassions is very questionable.  I hope you get the answers you are looking for.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by hjdmom24 

I agree trust your gut! Your head doesn't want to believe that the people you put your trust in would hurt your child but it seems your gut is telling you otherwise. I could see brushing off the bruises one time as a "rough catch" or something but twice with fingernail marks? Someone is probably handling her way to rough and even if they are not meaning to hurt her they probably are meaning to scare her. Unfortunately I have seen this way to much working in daycare. You may want to ask if there has been someone new working in her room recently that maybe didn't have much contact with her before. I hope that didn't come off to harsh.Good luck.

 No, you're right.  This is what I'm afraid of.  I just don't know what to do.  Even if the director "does something" there isn't a way to keep my DD safe there, is there?

[HollyBearsMom]

Just saw this and was going to post "What does your gut tell you?" but I see that has been asked an answered.

The most bothersome thing to me is the dismissive attitude, especially in a day care that has been operating for over 20 (assuming since you said some employees had been there that long).  They should have policies and procedure in place to address this types of issues. 

I hope the meeting went well and you got the reassurance you needed.  How they handle this meeting should speak volumes. As many have said, listen to your inner voice.  Your child will not be 100% safe, even home with you, but you need to be able to leave your child everyday with complete confidence that your daughter is being well cared for in a loving and safe environment.

[nextcommercial]

I'm glad you took pictures.

I know I left marks on a baby twice.  Once, the toddler sat in a wagon, and another toddler yanked the wagon handle, making her fall backwards.  I was sitting next to her in a rocker with an infant.  I reached for her, but all I could grab was her shoulder, it left similar marks, but going the other way.  

Then another time, a kid got his elbow stuck in the slats of the kitchen chair, so I used grease to slide it out, but then I dropped him too.  So, I could only try to grab at his already greasy arm... and I scratched his wrist with my fingernails.... and he still fell off the chair anyway.  (fake nails are bad for childcare btw)

But, twice with the same child in the same spot makes me nervous too.  Is it possible that the provider is lifting her with one hand, by grabbing her by that one arm?  Obviously that would be very, very wrong too, but not done in anger. 

[mamatoElias]

NOT OKAY!!!  Please bring those photos and take your child to the pediatrician.  S/he can help you take the next step to alert the proper authorities.  Sorry, but bruises shaped like fingers don't happen on accident.  I could maybe believe it happened once on accident (doubtful though!).  If your daughter was anemic or had low platelets you would notice additional bruising from little falls/ bumps.  Think about how hard someone would have to grab you to leave marks like that.  Please don't just let this slide.  Your daughter cannot protect herself.  And even if you remove her from this care facility, there are other children at risk.  

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamatoElias 

NOT OKAY!!!  Please bring those photos and take your child to the pediatrician.  S/he can help you take the next step to alert the proper authorities.  Sorry, but bruises shaped like fingers don't happen on accident.  I could maybe believe it happened once on accident (doubtful though!).  If your daughter was anemic or had low platelets you would notice additional bruising from little falls/ bumps.  Think about how hard someone would have to grab you to leave marks like that.  Please don't just let this slide.  Your daughter cannot protect herself.  And even if you remove her from this care facility, there are other children at risk.  

I work in law enforcement, and I totally agree with the above post.  Once might have been an accident, like what a PP said about trying to grab a child to prevent a fall.  Fingernail scratches could almost certainly be an accidental result of reflexively trying to grab a LO.  Two incident with bruises in addition to the fingernail marks, especially within a week of each other, is very, very suspicious.  

Find out if there is someone new working there, since this has never happened before.  I'd also be a bit concerned about the director's attitude.  Show her the pictures, and make sure she understands that this isn't something that is likely to have occurred "by accident" two weeks in a row.  Then remove your child from the situation.  I'm sure it won't be easy or convenient, but it's better than taking a chance with your child's safety.

Also please, please alert the proper authorities, whether it's a child welfare service or the police.  Someone is being too rough with the kids, and it needs to be stopped before something even worse happens.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.  

[scottishmommy]

Have you noticed bruising anywhere else? The only reason I ask is because I had a friend who had ITP as a toddler ( a blood disease). It usually shows up when they are between the ages of 2 and 4 and disappears within 6 months or so. I remember that her mother first noticed bruises in her ear from a q tip swab. Then the bruises started showing up everywhere. I would take her to her pediatrician just to be sure. I certainly hope no one hurt your child. What an awful thing to worry about

[Anastasiya]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

Is it possible that the provider is lifting her with one hand, by grabbing her by that one arm?  Obviously that would be very, very wrong too, but not done in anger. 

Anxious to hear an update.

I wondered about this, too. I know I've left very obvious fingertip marks on my sensitive skinned child when I've had another child in one arm and lifted or put him down with my one free hand....grabbing the should area like this.

[mamatoElias]

Originally Posted by Anastasiya 

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

Is it possible that the provider is lifting her with one hand, by grabbing her by that one arm?  Obviously that would be very, very wrong too, but not done in anger. 

Anxious to hear an update.

I wondered about this, too. I know I've left very obvious fingertip marks on my sensitive skinned child when I've had another child in one arm and lifted or put him down with my one free hand....grabbing the should area like this.

I mark easily as well, so I think I understand what you mean.  I will have petechiae (pinpoint red dots) if I carry a heavy bag over my shoulder or arm.  These are painless and for me are just normal.  This is very different than the bruising in the OP's photographs.  A pediatrician will have seen a lot of normal bumps and bruises and be able to identify suspicious versus normal and rule out medical causes.  

[justKate]

Well here's the update.

The meeting actually went really well.  The director and owner met with DH and me.  They were both VERY upset, and were going to interview the teachers individually, have a staff meeting, and report it to the state (and I know they will, because they self-reported when DD cut her eyebrow in a fall and needed stitches). DD is going to stay with her one main teacher all day, and is not going to be left alone with other teachers.  On that teacher's breaks and day off the director is going to stay with DD. 

I am going to show the photos to the doctor and see what she thinks.  We spent hours on the internet last night looking for photos and reading about signs of child abuse, and i can't find anything that resembles this.  We were trying to hold DD in a way that would leave similar marks, but it seems like she should have bruises on the front, too, from the thumb....  The other thing that is weird is she keeps saying "J hit me.  Mommy, J hit me."  Out of the blue.  J is the 2 year old that's 4 days older than DD.  Is it possible that a 2 year old could hit her hard enough to bruise?  I ask DD where J hit her, and she either says "my back" or "here" and points to her shoulders or chin.  She doesn't say any of the other kids hit her, but J is her friend....