It's official!

[pinkmonkey]

My SO won primary custody of the boys, almost 9 & 10. Their bio-mom is a piece of crap & was willing to sign over her rights and quit her job just so she won't have to pay child support.
She rarely calls & let's them down all the time. They have told me "mommy don't love us anymore" which completely breaks my heart.
In my eyes & heart they are my boys & I treat them as such. My SO says they are happier with me than they've ever been in their whole lives.
I told him I wasn't trying to replace their mommy but she honestly put me in that position, which I gladly accepted!
She didn't sign over her rights but she did sign the custody papers. She never once said she wanted or missed the boys, all she was concerned with was if she would have to pay cs. He agreed not to make her so we could insure the boys' safety. They were terrified she would take them & not bring them
back just to spite us.
We are all very happy that custody
Is finally official!
Edited by pinkmonkey - 4/9/11 at 11:35am

[pomplemoose]

Sounds like the boys will be in a happy save home! its great that you stepped up and want to be their parent and help them through this tough time. This is a good step but it will be a long road ahead as well.

[TheSlingMama]

Yay!  I'm so happy for you!

[pinkmonkey]

Originally Posted by pomplemoose 

Sounds like the boys will be in a happy save home! its great that you stepped up and want to be their parent and help them through this tough time. This is a good step but it will be a long road ahead as well.

Yes it will. They were really hurt by her in all of this. So far we haven't encountered any of the "you're not my mommy so don't tell me what to do" problems. Hopefully there will be little to none of those lol.

[VocalMinority]

How wonderful, for all of you!

By all accounts, it seems to be alarmingly commonplace, for men seeking custody to offer to forgo child support, to "prove" they don't want the kids for the money (or to get out of having to pay money to the mother).  As though raising kids is cheaper than paying child support!  How often do judges question mothers' motives in asking for custody?  

My husband also offered to forgo support.  In his case, the Mom lives across the country, so he wanted the money to be available to her, for coming to visit their son.  She consistently spends only half of it, or less, and spends less and less time here, every year.  But he was the one who had to spend years proving that his insistence on being an involved parent was genuine, and not just a way to "stalk" and "harass" his ex!  Grrr.

My heart goes out to your boys, who feel like the woman who brought them into the world stopped loving them.  But at least they have you.  I've heard some "experts" say kids do better when their custodial parent stays single and focuses on them.  But I question that.  Especially in a situation where the kids don't have a mother around - or question whether how important they are to her - it's good for them to have some type of...perhaps not a "replacement"...but some type of stand-in. 

[pinkmonkey]

She actually picked them up today for a while, she has them right now. She was supposed to yesterday but didn't, she didn't even call. My oldest DS was mad at her and hurt, once again. She sent a text this am saying she would be here at noon, surprisingly she was. Youngest ds didn't want to go and cried. :( 

She is supposed to bring them back later tonight. I don't trust her one bit and I miss them so much. I know it's great for them to spend time with their mom but every time they do they come back and seem traumatized all over again. It's so sad.

The only way they will go anywhere with her is if she says she will buy them something. We even try to encourage them to want to go with her since she is their mom and we never ever say anything bad about her. I try to reassure them that she loves them too.  I'm doing the best I can think of to be the best step-mom I can be so they will be happy and well adjusted and know that they are worth more than the world.

ETA: oldest DSS(10yo) just came home, he said he missed us too bad and wanted to come home. He was so upset that she had to bring him back about 10 minutes ago. Poor guy. Youngest DSS (9yo) is spending the rest of the day with her.

Edited by pinkmonkey - 4/9/11 at 12:18pm

[katsob]

Thank the lord i heaven that someone has a similar situation as me! I dont know you but this woman sounds like a piece of work so Grats to you and your family!