North Carolina and Second-Parent Adoptions?

[KnittingTigers]

Hi Folks,

I remember some discussion awhile back about the changed status of second parent adoptions in North Carolina. Does anyone know what the current status of this is, and what it means in real terms? I'm considering applying for two jobs in NC, but honestly won't bother if it's not possible to do a second-parent adoption.

Thanks!

[aljm41910]

Hi Angela!  Up until Dec 2010 there were 2 counties in NC that had allowed over 200 same-sex, second parent adoptions.  However, a somewhat high profile case (and disheartening story)  has pretty much closed the loop hole that allowed these adoptions to happen.  It seems that the only way now to give the non bio mom any rights is for the bio mom to give up their rights.

Hopefully things will change soon.  It's really tough to see other states making progress and to feel like the state that I live in is taking a huge step backwards.

[KnittingTigers]

Thanks for the info, and I'm really sorry that you're living with that. We've been very lucky to always live in states that allow at least second-parent adoptions, if not more extensive rights. I'm sad- both of these jobs look great, but since we're planning to TTC again soon, it just doesn't make any sense for us.

[aljm41910]

It bothers me sometimes that I have to live in a place without some of the rights that other states have.  Then I remind myself that it could be worse.  At least at this time NC doesn't have a constitutional ban on gay marriage, although there has been talk of one.  I am also fortunate to be on my DW insurance through her work and I am her beneficiary and we were able to travel to DC to get married last April (our 1yr anniversary is the 19th).

Our plan for when we have children is to to papers drawn up that gives her rights to make medical decisions and such.

My hope is that by the time we have  our first child that maybe something will be done federally to allow second parent adoptions everywhere.

On a side note, I read yesterday that Arkansas just ruled it unconstitutional to not allow same-sex adoption!

[2ezforyou]

aljm - I too saw the Arkansas decision. Woot-woot! Small victories are better than none.

We're in Memphis, TN, and there are no rights here. (Nashville was alot better.) In fact, DS and I both are listed on DP's insurance through her company. DS was adopted by DP before I came along. Last spring, he had an allergic reaction to something and needed a dermatologist appt. They almost refused me service because I wasn't his legal guardian, even though all three of us are listed on the insurance card. It was quite the scene! Fortunately, the doctor realized what was going on, felt embarrassed, and did see DS. I was furious, and felt so helpless. DS was crying because he was so miserable and all I could was stand there begging for them to see him.  He's 6, and I've been around since he was 2, yet, I still could do nothing for him.

We're considering a move to WI or IL in the next few months for DP's job. WI is our first choice due to DP living there previously, friends, and her job. As liberal as what the state appears to be, there's still a law banning 2nd parent adoption. (1 of 4 states with such a law.) We're even considering living in IL for now to establish residency, getting the kids adopted, then moving to WI once the adoption goes through. It's sad to think about, but what else can we do?

[KnittingTigers]

aljm, congrats on your anniversary! We living in DC now, and really enjoy it, though it's insanely expensive. One of our considerations in looking at other jobs has been finding someplace with a lower cost of living. But, since we already live somewhere where we have so many rights, I think it would be very hard for us to give that up. It's different, of course, when you're already there. We just happened to win the geographic lottery with regard to family rights.

2ezforyou, I am so sorry you had such a frustrating experience getting care for your son. That must have been so scary. I hope that your job search and relocation takes you somewhere more family-friendly. And really, I just hope that the world gets it @#$! together so that all of us can have our families recognized and protected...