I hope everything goes okay for you and your son.
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I was raised by a widowed mother. My father died when I was a toddler. My mother could not stand my father's family and made the decision to keep almost all of them out of my life. That was very much in line with what felt right and important to her but it was a huge loss in my life. It wasn't until I became an adult (and my gandmother and a few aunts and uncles had already died) that I was able to seek out a relationship with that part of my family. It would have meant so much to me to have had them in my life while I was growing up. I know there would have been conflict between my mother and some of them and that would have been confusing but that would not have overpowered the good things. There was always a huge hole in my life - not just from the death of my father but from the absence of his family in my life because my mother did not like them.
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I wish I could have grown up seeing people who had always known my father. I wish I could have grown up spending time with people I looked like and discovered I had many things in common with. I always hated feeling like wanting to know my paternal grandmother and other family was being disloyal to my mother. That wouldn't be your intention but having been a child in this position, I think you need to do all you can to avoid giving your son that message.
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It sounds like a really hard situation. You want what is best for your son and yourself and being around your MIL is very stressful for you. It has to be stressful for her too, as others have said but it sounds like she is not as willing to try to make peace and do what is best for your little boy. That leaves it all up to you, which isn't fair but that is what it looks like. Maybe having the support of a therapist to help you deal with the complexities of this would make it a little easier and help you find some good ideas for how to deal with her.
