My birth stories that lead me to want to UC (in case anyone is interested)

[dayiscoming2006]

DS1 birth - the way the OB treated me during prenatal care and during my labor and delivery really just gave me an awful vibe. She was always in a hurry, never wanted to answer my questions. Never allowed me to give "informed consent" for anything. I was always just guessing and trying to figure things out online through mostly mainstream sources. I knew after that birth I wanted an UC, which I learned about when looking into things during my second pregnancy.

DS2 birth Unfortunately, I was not able to have my desired UC since we moved to Romania during the time my second son was to be born and were living with my inlaws whom sure weren't going to let me have an unassisted birth in their house. I did UP, that was nice and peaceful.

This time, I'm planning an UC and feel it will very likely work out. We have our own home and I'm quite excited to finally have a decent birth experience.

[ElizabethE]

Very brave of you to share, Day. You were right on board with UC right away. That wasn't like me at all. I just took steps towards more and more radical or natural approaches. I love that you leaped right into what seemed right, even if your next birth was not a UC. Philosophically, you were aware of what you needed and wanted and I love that.

With the first birth-- some docs just do episiotomies. It's routine. Some actually believe that cutting is easier. They think you'll heal easier (say than, if you were to tear), and they actually believe that your body and your vagina is incapable of passing a baby through it with ease on its own. Of course, much of this has to do with the position you are made to labor in, , but whatever.

I was pretty lucky. I had a doc that was patient and kind with me and didn't laugh in my face at my natural wishes. I still however to this day do NOT know if I had an episiotomy or not. All I know is she tried to prevent me from tearing and I ended up swollen and with stitches. :(

Your second birth-- ARGH. That is unbelievable. :( How did they check you when you were so far into hard labor??? Did they have to hold you down? I am so happy that after all they put you through, it turned out incredibly well in the end, and without the tearing! I can't believe they made you go through all of that in such a sensitive time as labor. Why were you and your husband so worried about getting in trouble? What did you think would happen? And how do they not feed their mamas? They must have a lot of sick women and babies in that hospital. It IS disturbing, the absolute coldness and lack of compassion you described. It sounds brutal.

I am also so glad you were able to nurse later and with no formula. I hadn't been successful when the hospital introduced formula to my baby. I got yelled at, my baby was taken away, and I was accused of eating bad foods and of starving my baby (I hadn't eaten badly at all, and I felt awful at the thought that she wasn't getting what she needed, I would do anything to make her well).

[dayiscoming2006]

They (I think 2 women?) pretty much made me go to the cold metal table room next door (where they deliver the babies) and made me lay on my back (didn't feel like I had a choice) and during a contraction they checked me as I screamed and told me I was 8 cm. I wanted to hurt them. I'll tell you that. I remember telling them to wait until after the contraction but they wouldn't listen. 

I was happy for the no tearing and mostly happy with the labor and birth minus the vag. exams, not having my husband and at the end being forced to push on my back. They don't do fetal monitoring or anything cuz they don't have the resources. - Which was preferable to me anyway. 

I wasn't sure if UC was legal. I found out later it is since some women live in remote locations and stuff so they can't really make it illegal. I don't think I would have gotten in trouble or anything. The problem is that I was worried how I'd get a birth certificate in short order and all. And I didn't have anywhere to UC. Though looking back I may have made hubby get a hotel room or something but the birth certificate thing could still have been a difficult task. Romania has a really bad and slow way of doing paperwork. They told me it would take 4 months for my oldest son's birth certificate to be made for Romania so he could be considered a citizen. I wasn't planning on being there for more than 2 more months at that time. We were really just trying to use Romania as a hub. My DH had a few interviews from other countries in Europe for jobs related to his degree, but nothing ended up working out. We just ended up coming back to the states to his old company who welcomed him back happily but pays him very poorly for a job that is normally well paying. Blah.

I was seriously shocked at how things work there. I couldn't believe they wouldn't let me see my son. I couldn't believe they wouldn't let me nurse him right away after the birth. I couldn't believe I wasn't going to be fed if my DH hadn't brought me food from his family. Thank God! I couldn't believe they weren't concerned when I was bleeding very badly after the birth still and they actually got mad at me. I couldn't believe I would have to stay in the hospital for 5 days, give my son formula and nurse on a hard chair on a strict schedule with a bunch of other women! I really just was in total shock over the whole thing. DH stuck around the whole time and would try to visit me as often as possible throughout the day. My DS1 was being watched by his parents.

They do feed you some cheap soup and meat and sometimes rice at 3 meals on schedule every day, but they don't give you food right after the birth. Also, the food they do give at those 3 meals isn't really enough  when you are nursing and recovering from giving birth. And the meat was all icky and fatty and I couldn't stomach it as I hate skin and fat on my meat to the point that I'll gag. 

I kind of felt like I was in the twilight zone or something during the whole experience. 

[ElizabethE]

You seem to have handled it very well. That situation sounds uber traumatizing, to me.

[dayiscoming2006]

It was bad, but I guess I'm quite equipped from what I went through growing up to deal with difficult experiences. When I think about it, it does make me sad and upset, but since it is over, I pretty much just figure, oh, well, it happened. 

I think this coming UC will really just make me feel way better in the end. I think it'd be nice to just have one satisfying birth experience - you know? :)

[sunshinemoma]

oh my goodness.  YES, A satisfying birth experience would be wonderful!  Thanks for sharing your stories.  Sorry about such bad luck, it sounds so brutal, I'm so sorry for both you and your babies.  

I really look forward to hearing about birth#3!

[Magali]

Oh mama!  You are a warrior.  Here is to a satisfying 3rd birth experience .

[catholic74]

Your story about not being fed well or enough brought back memories of my first birth in a German hospital.  The food was very good, but just wasn't enough!  I politely ate the little bit they brought me, but I was always starving!!!!!   I could have (and should have) asked for more and perhaps they would have given it to me, I don't know, but I was too polite to ask.  I just had my husband bring me American food every day.  He said he'd get looks as he walked down the hallways holding a Taco Bell bag and a huge soda, headed toward my room, where I was eagerly waiting for my real meal!!!!!

Just wanted to add that were military, stationed near a military base so the American fast food came from there......somedays I'd get Taco Bell, other days, Burger King, maybe KFC.....whatever the food court had. 

[dayiscoming2006]

LOL, on the fast food. I totally craved McDonalds (totally hate it normally) after the Romanian birth as it was the only american fast food place besides KFC. I wanted a burger. I always crave burgers at the end of my pregnancies and after I deliver. That hamburger was so good! 

While in the hospital, I was getting a study supply of food from my in-laws. It was some really yummy stuff because of the time of year. :) Thank God for them or I definitely would have been starving.