Early Discipline/behavior-mod books?

[Summer1216]

My DS is 8 months old and just beginning to get into the phase where he can do something other than what I want since he can now crawl, is getting teeth, and more motor skills). 

I've been a kindergarten teacher and was able to win the children's loyalty and desire to learn through positive reinforcement and encouragement... I was really proud of the fact that I never once had to raise my voice or punish any of them. I kind of assumed that this would translate easily over into my role as a mother. I thought that gentle discipline would come naturally for me.

My parents weren't abusive by any means, but they (and everyone I saw) valued obedience first and that was obtained by a quick cuff, or a willow switch. Now I find that when my DS exerts his personal opinions, my first gut reaction is to want to smack his hand, swat his bottom, etc. I haven't done it, but instead I've done nothing because I find myself lacking a good response. I've got a lot of friends with babies a bit older than mine (up to 2 years) and they all seem to be going with the 'get what you give' response (a smack for a smack, a bite for a bite, a yell for a yell). I really don't want to go there.

So far the only problems are him going after the internet cords and wanting to open cupboards (vigilance will have to prevail there) but I know that soon he'll start experimenting with hitting, biting, throwing things, etc.

I'm a firm believer that consistency is the way to curb behaviors, and most of all I don't want to get into a battle of wills with my son. I'm as stubborn as a brick wall, and my husband is passive-aggressively stubborn... so I'm guessing that our little angel will be stubborn-incarnate.

I'd really love to educate myself about specific reactions and ways of curbing/redirecting behaviors before they arrive so we can (hopefully) find a solution that doesn't set us up for a contest, and helps him be gentle and sweet.

Can you recommend books or websites about how to discipline/redirect/shape behaviors for little ones up to 3 years old? One that has specific responses (or suggestions for responses) to things like hitting, biting, throwing, screaming etc.

[canadiangranola]

I have  a friend who really likes the dr sears discipline book. 

I don't really know of any books to recommend, but would suggest that you could find many ideas on this forum for dealing with particular issues that you might be concerned about. 

The biggest thing for us as a family has been to make our house child friendly, so that there simply aren't a lot of things around that the kids can't touch, etc. 

Find ways to meet your sons needs creatively, so that you can redirect him to acceptable to you endeavors. For example, if he wants to open cupboards, maybe you can make a cupboard in the kitchen that he is allowed to play in, with his toys, or a bin of plastic containers inside, etc. 

I commend you for wanting to choose peaceful, gentle ways of parenting your son, He's worth it :)

Anno

[ssh]

I really like Margot Sunderland's The Science of Parenting. The book is more about how our parenting effects neurological development, but it has excellent information on normal development and the causes of misbehavior. It's a really great book for understanding your child and preventing and dealing with misbehavior. Our local library had it and I've bought a couple of copies on amazon. Here's a link http://www.amazon.com/Science-Parenting-Margot-Sunderland/dp/075663993X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1302303592&sr=1-1 . Another book I like for dealing with behavior issues is Kids, Parents and Power Struggles by Mary Kurcinka. Her Raising Your Spirited Child is good too. Both books help you identify temperament traits. The books I've read on just dealing with behavior have not been as useful because they've focused on just the behavior instead of the causes of behavior. Knowing what's triggering a behavior can help you prevent it and knowing a behavior is just a common stage of development helps you ignore it until it goes away on it's own.  Also having realistic expectations because you understand your child's temperament and normal developmental abilities saves you alot of frustration.