Honoring commitment vs. quitting

[teamsalem]

My 5 y.o. son just started T ball about a month ago.  He wanted to play, but he has been very reluctant to be an active participant.  He really likes batting, but doesn't like playing the field.  He is often facing the wrong direction, drawing in the dirt or he just walks off the field during the game.  His lack of attention span for it is notably the worst on the team, even though there are a lot of younger kids.  We are trying to be gentle, we don't want to force him to play, but we also don't want him to think he can just quit or give up on everything.  I'm not sure what approach to take with it.  Seeing him not participating or following directions has me REALLY worried for what he may be like in Kindergarten this fall.  Anyone have any advice?

[BellinghamCrunchie]

This is very normal for the age.

There is no way to know whether or not you are going to enjoy something until you try it. DD's gymnastics and ballet classes both offered one free class which helped us decide if she was going to enjoy it. Even with one free class, its hard to know if you are going to like it. Its really not realistic to expect a child to be able to make a commitment in advance.

I don't think at this age, or for a few years to come yet, that learning to commit to something should be much of a consideration. They just don't have the cognitive ability to project their feelings into the future and that's not going to develop for a while yet. Right now, I think the focus should be on identifying the child's interests (he is so young) and what it means to be a part of a group activity, and to have fun. Fun is the most important thing.

Standing in the outfield isn't fun and there isn't anything at all wrong with your son if he doesn't find it fun. I think you should allow him to give up tee ball.  

[staceychev]

I agree with Bellingham. I allowed my five year old (in kindy) to drop out of an art class after about halfway. She loves art, and she loved going at first. But, after a while, she was asking to stay with me instead. In her case, she's got a really long day (full day kindy plus aftercare because I work). Several people pushed back at me saying "she needs to learn to commit." My decision was that she needs her emotional needs catered to more than anything at this stage of her life. I also decided that I may let her try something this summer when she's home with me full time (I'm a teacher), but that school year activities are on hold until she's older. 

[Polliwog]

T-Ball is the worst. My DS wanted to give it a try last year (at five) and hated it. There's so much standing around (unlike sports like soccer.) I allowed him to quit.

[Alyantavid]

I think most kids are that way with t-ball.

Once one of our kids has decided to try a sport, they stick with to the end.  If they didn't enjoy and don't want to do it again, that's completely fine.  But they need to finish what they signed up for.  And most kids sports seasons are fairly short.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie 
I don't think at this age, or for a few years to come yet, that learning to commit to something should be much of a consideration. They just don't have the cognitive ability to project their feelings into the future and that's not going to develop for a while yet. 

I completely disagree. My children play soccer. Each year, someone quits, and we always use that opportunity to talk to our children about commitments. They're old enough to get that. T-ball is different, but it's unfair to the other children to have a child who doesn't complete the season. One season we ended up with only 4 kids because so many parents let their kids quit (or in 1 case, just show up whenever it suited their schedule). That meant that we had no subs at all because we had to have 4 players on the field to play. So those children just quitting because it wasn't fun hurt the other children who played. T-ball season is 6-8 weeks long. Most places have 1 practice & 1 game. Your son can deal for the 2 hours a week that you've committed to being there and just don't sign him up until you think he's prepared for a team activity.  
 

[CatsCradle]

Originally Posted by Alyantavid 

I think most kids are that way with t-ball.

Once one of our kids has decided to try a sport, they stick with to the end.  If they didn't enjoy and don't want to do it again, that's completely fine.  But they need to finish what they signed up for.  And most kids sports seasons are fairly short.

I don't know anything about t-ball but I agree with the rest.  Plus, I think really discussing the commitment at the front end is just as important as seeing it through.  I had to learn this the hard way both in my own life and in DD's, but I do think that if a kid decides to do something, they should accept the whole package, taking into account, of course, pure misery.

[Linda on the move]

How much is left? We are pretty big on finishing a session and not quitting in the middle. For on going things that are paid for by the month, they need to finish out the current month.

It would depend for me, though, on how much was left and if there is some real problem. But for a 5 year old, I think there is value in showing up for an hour a week and playing in the dirt for a couple of more weeks.

A lot of things aren't as much fun or are more work than kids think they will be. A five, just showing up is succeeding. As kids get older, more is expected of them.

[zebra15]

Hes five. Hes not quitting or giving up on 'everything'. This is one activity, which for a 5 yr old can be quite boring.  Think about it, hitting is FUN, fielding really isn't fun. 

I say if he doesnt want to play thats fine.

[intentionalmama]

Hi there, last year my son played t-ball for the first time. There was one little boy on the team who really didn't want to be there. I actually really felt for this kid; it was painful for me to watch him be so down about being there. His father, I think felt ashamed and angry at him; and I guess his dad didn't want to let down the team.  However, he finally accepted that his kid didn't want to be there and they decided to leave.  I was relieved and really glad that his father listened to him.  I know; if I signed up for something that I really didn't like - I would most likely stop going.  l  This meant now that we  then only had four kids left on the team. It would have been great to have had more - but I don't think it would really have benefited the kid who didn't want to be there or the other kids on the team.   Sometimes other players from other teams would join our team and sometimes not. Our kids sure had a lot of times at the bat.  We had another child who wasn't really into it but would go and he would also spend a lot of time drawing in the dirt.  At the end of each game the kids would then run around and play star wars. I think the playing star wars was what they all looked forward to.   So while for me I think if a child really doesn't want to do something they should be able to drop out.  I also have a friend who knows her son and he'll join up for something and then the next week won't want to go. She will encourage him to go (because she believes he actually will really enjoy what it is) and everytime; she has been right and he ends up loving it. She doesn't encourage him because of commiment but more because she really feels he will like it. 

[JBaxter]

I have no problem letting my boys quit something like TBall.   He tried it and a didn't like it.   DS2 wanted to try karate 2 or 3 lessons in he didn't like it I understood it wasnt his "thing"  his Dad was all about forcing the "commitment" ( he was 7)  When he was with his dad he HAD to go  I didnt make him .   There was crying fits and he refused to go on the floor it was horrible for him.   He went on to play soccer and take guitar lessons later.  He just really didnt care for the activity.

Hes 5 ;)  its not like hes 13 and you invested hundreds in to say a musical instrument.  

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by JBaxter 

I have no problem letting my boys quit something like TBall.   He tried it and a didn't like it.   DS2 wanted to try karate 2 or 3 lessons in he didn't like it I understood it wasnt his "thing"  his Dad was all about forcing the "commitment" ( he was 7)  When he was with his dad he HAD to go  I didnt make him .   There was crying fits and he refused to go on the floor it was horrible for him.   He went on to play soccer and take guitar lessons later.  He just really didnt care for the activity.

Hes 5 ;)  its not like hes 13 and you invested hundreds in to say a musical instrument.  

With karate, though, you're on your own. When you commit to a team sport, then yes, you need to learn the lesson that it's important to commit for everyone involved. Mom & Dad should have discussed this issue beforehand. Five is not too young to learn this type of lesson. And for Pete's sake, he's bored, not being hurt or damaged in any way. He's just bored. Being bored for a few hours - at most - is acceptable.