Originally Posted by DomerJen
I have never understood this at all. Is everyone who thinks this an oldest/only child? Your 1st born is the ONLY child you will ever have that gets you all to themselves as a child. If anything, by your own standards you should feel bad for the other babies since they will never experience what your 1st has! :)
There is a very well-documented cognitive-affective phenomenon where we weigh losses more heavily than gains. The second child never had this, so imagining the difference for him/her involves imagining a gain, whereas when we think about the eldest, it is framed as a loss. This is about emotion, not reason. They don't always track along the same lines. That is actually OK, and not wrong at all.
OP, I think it's reasonable to be sad for the loss of certain things, even though the overall result is hopefully a net gain. People are allowed to hold conflicting emotions! Plus, there are no guarantees that a sibling will be a blessing, though of course we hope that will be the case. Anyway, I think it's absolutely OK, and even normal, to feel like this.
I don't feel exactly like that, as DS is older and has been begging for a sibling for two years now. And I am certain that he will still feel special. However, yes, I do feel a little sad (not guilty, just sad) that it won't be just us anymore.
ETA: I also felt a little sad about adding DS to our family because it wouldn't be just me and DH anymore. Same deal there -- I was pretty sure it would be a positive change overall, but it was still a change involving loss of something else.