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A letter to my neighbors - Page 2

post #21 of 35

I think you are being way too considerate of their feelings. You even offered to change your schedule to accommodate them. They sound like they have nothing better to do with their time and just enjoy being jerks. hugs to you.

post #22 of 35

I feel you sooo much.


A few years ago, we were in an almost identical situation. Neighbors slept days, we had a special needs 2 year old, a newborn and two dogs. The actually asked if we would keep my son in his bedroom until noon. Um, no. They pounded on the ceiling every time he moved. He gets off the sofa, they pound. He drops a duplo, they pound. The once told the landlord "It sounds like he's coloring up there." What could be quieter than coloring?! What does that even mean? I tried hard to get the kids out of the house as much as I could, but we were/are a one car family so it was not always possible. 


To make things worse, they often came home late from work, started drinking and got quite loud. Almost nightly. And my son has never been a good sleeper, so they'd be sloshed and yelling and he would wake up and scream and guess who got mad at us for the screaming toddler? Ugh.


Eventually, they had us evicted. They were friends of the landlord. I know the eviction had no legal standing, but we were sick of dealing with it. 


I don't have any great answers for you, just sympathy. I would see if there was an open unit in the complex. Most people are not THAT insane. You're doing what you can, but some noise is unavoidable in apartments. If you lived by a sane person, you would have much better chances. 




post #23 of 35

been there. we lived above a retired man with two young boys. I was always on edge when they ran/stomped/yelled and generally being kids. What a horrible way to live. My only advice is to LIVE as you normally would. If they were nice people I would prob feel like I wanted to please them and be as quiet as poss as the building has it's problems BUT They are MEAN, do whatever you normally would.

We now have a loud family with kids across from us.  They do not care at all. They leave their door open all day so I hear their baby crying/music etc. It's almost like they live with us.

The apt block sounds like a nightmare and the management have prob had loads of complaints over the years and are aware that the problem is the building itself and not the tenants. They are prob annoyed with dealing with the complainers and wish everyone would just get on with it.

Good Luck and I hope all works out. Keep us posted!

post #24 of 35
Thread Starter 

I stopped by management today and just reported what had happened.  I don't think I even gave the full extent of it - merely that they were purposely making noise between 12 and 4 and such.  They said they'd talk to the neighbors but I asked them to please don't - I just wanted it on record in case they kept doing it or they escalated the situation, but I didn't want them to be calling the neighbors and making them MORE annoyed or anything.  Who has more to lose - them or us?  They're already moving at the end of the month, so whatever. If they wanted to be extra-crazy and there WAS a CPS investigation - I know there's laws against false reporting, but it's still stressful on everyone.  Maybe I sound paranoid but they've repeatedly reported us to the management unfoundedly for unsupervised children.  In their online review they said they will keep escalating the matter until someone will listen.  Maybe they'll escalate it beyond the landlords if the landlords don't side with them.  Who knows. That's the ONLY reason I wanted to document with the management what they were up to last night - so there's evidence that they've got something against us that would help if they did file any sort of report. 


She promised to keep it in the office unless something further happened.  I'm hoping this is their last hurrah to get their frustrations out - since they can't be evicted now anyway, why not, right?  We'll see how tonight goes. 


Why would someone CHOOSE to be mean - even if they were sleep deprived and frustrated...  Why would they assume the worst in us, that we don't care, and that we don't try to be civil??  That's what gets me.


Management, I think, has more serious things going on than these guys' noise complaints - there was a lot of vandalism in the building last night, cars broken into, elevator and hallways damaged, the cops were in and out all night... Charming.  I don't envy management having to deal with everything.

Edited by seawitch - 4/9/11 at 9:46pm
post #25 of 35

Wait, they're leaving? If you're really certain(not completely possible, of course), I actually might choose a limited appeasement strategy. They sound batshit crazy, and just might be bored enough to continue to harass you after they go...They probably don't have the resources to do upkeep on an OLD neighbor war and will probably just move on to a new one. Still, sometimes just saying 'Hi' when they don't expect it will throw them off enough to chill the situation that is limited.


Best of luck. If you lived by me I'd invite you over for a few sleepovers while it blows by.

post #26 of 35

Do you think there's any possibility that all the problems in your complex last night are related?  Maybe, while your neighbors were harassing you, they were also harassing other tenants and vandalizing the building.  


I can tell you've been scared and worried, and missing your house.  Bad neighbors really suck.  You aren't the bad neighbors though.  


I think you need to go fully on record with the building management about the harassment, and you need to start pursuing the problem at a higher level.  Ask the management to inform the neighbors that you consider their behavior threatening, and that you will call the police if they knock on your door or attempt to talk to you again.  Print out the message from the apartment review site to back up your claim.  


I'm so glad these people are moving.  Chances are, the new neighbors will be better.  Your family is going through a lot right now.  There's no way to make it easy, but let it be easier by putting yourselves first.  

post #27 of 35

You need to STOP being so nice and accommodating to these people. You should only be quiet during "quiet hours". If you don't know what they are in your complex, ask. Usually they are between 9 pm and 8 am. Do not write these people letters. Do not communicate with them in any way. If they REALLY wanted to resolve things, they would have come to you like adults to talk it out. Forget it, it's not going to happen. Report every single incident with management. Call the police if they act threatening to you and your family. Who cares what they write on the apartment review boards. They are obviously harrassing you and are pissed that people with kids live above them. They probably made a pact with each other to try and make you as miserable as possible so you would leave. Are you sure they are moving? Why would they go to such lengths if they are leaving? You need to write down every single thing you hear and see from them. Document EVERYTHING. Record them if you can. We did and it worked. DO NOT let these people bully you. You and your family have every right to live there. If it was a problem, management would have said, sorry no kids allowed. You don't have to shush your kids every second. It sucks to have to do that. I know because I've been there. Live your life and F everyone else.

post #28 of 35
Originally Posted by MagnoliaDragon View Post

Well, tonight the neighbors thought it would be fun to mock us all by yelling, shouting, etc all night.  They're imitating the kids crying, shouting "mom", me telling them to be quiet.  They're banging on the ceiling pretending to be running.  They're slamming doors repeatedly.  They set the fire alarm beeping about four times and then yelling "fire fire fire fire fire" in this hysterical voice, which gets the rest of them laughing insanely.  (I set the smoke alarm off once for about 20 seconds while cooking dinner and I certainly didn't run around screaming fire.)  They're purposely banging on the walls, doors, swearing loudly, and imitating my husband (sort of) by saying "blahblahblahblahblah" in a loud deep voice, which again gets the rest of them laughing.


I'm gobsmacked that grown folk are thinking to mock kids.  Fine, they want to make fun of us, "give us a taste of our own medicine" - whatever.  Mocking a three year old crying that he got hurt and asking for mommy?  Really?  Over and over again for hours?  (It's after 4 am now, they've been at this since midnight.)


I'm not even angry, I'm just disappointed.


Thankfully DH has sleep medication so he's not hearing it, or he would be very hurt.  And thank GOD my kids are sound asleep.  They both were sick yesterday and DS had a really high fever so he was feeling MISERABLE.  I'm glad he's getting the rest he needs.


Sleep is so essential to everyone, young and old.  It's amazing what the lack of it will do to otherwise rational people.  I'm sure the downstairs neighbors are actually really nice and fun people that maybe we could have been friends with - had we not had kids...  Then again I don't think I'd choose to be friends with people who make fun of other people.  So maybe not.




For the record while we didn't invite them in, I did extend an invitation to them in a letter saying to please phone me or email me (I left my contact info) or just stop by upstairs if they wanted to talk about anything with us, because we'd love to work together with them, or brainstorm or whatever, to make this transition work smoothly for everyone.  They never responded, except for a letter three weeks later saying that we shouldn't let the kids in their room during the day and their work is suffering because they're not getting enough sleep during the day.  I did sort of invite them to talk but that was about it.  (For the record we don't have a couch, lol, so I couldn't very well invite them in - there's no sitting room at the moment other than bean bags and a recliner seat.)

Well, of course these UAVs aren't getting any sleep... they're too busy staying up all night, tormenting and mocking you and your family. irked.gif af.gif banghead.gif You have no idea how hard my fingers are hitting the keys on my keyboard right now...


A million times hug2.gif to you and your family, OP. I wish you could be my neighbors... you and your family members sound like reasonable, caring, and kind people. You deserve to be treated with the same consideration you have given the nothings in the apartment below you.


post #29 of 35

If they are moving I would just not worry about it. Regardless stop accomodating anyone. I would not have even asked what "quiet times" should be i would have said the law is to be quiet after 10pm and I will abide by that.

post #30 of 35

I agree with everyone else.  It is not fair to your kids, they cannot stay in their beds or tip toe around the apt. to accomodate such jerks.  Like everyone else said, be quiet during quiet hours only, be normal the rest of the day. 


Growing up, I lived in a house where my dad hated pounding.  Our bedroom (where me and my 3 siblings slept) was upstairs.  If we even dropped a toy, one of us had to run downstairs apologizing to my dad, so he wouldnt get super mad (yes, there were other issues going on).  Imagine that type of anxiety in a kid, having to deal with that, trying not to make noise.  You can understand - its driving you insane trying to keep your kids quiet, imagine the stress its putting on your kids!  Your daughter is already crying over it.  They probably don't understand and are feeling like they are being punished.  Stop making them be quiet when they dont have to be.

post #31 of 35

mama it sounds like they want their apt to be quiet like a house. 


it seems instead of kids if you had cats that ran they would complain.


i am so sorry they are adding soooo much to your already full plate. makes me wish i was close to you to just come over for moral support or have you over to my place. 


please dont be so freaked out. they are NOT normal neighbors. living in apts, one had to deal with a normal amount of noise. you cant expect silence.


they are leaving. just hang in there. if it makes you feel better go talk to your management and find out what they feel. 


but no you dont need to live like you have. that is ridiculous. your baby crying silently has made me cry here. it tears my heart out that even she understands. that is no way to live mama. 


please, please, please dont overdo it. just do the normal amount. it seems to me you have the house to apt fear. you need to let it go. these guys are not normal. you have a chance of your family being together. try to enjoy it mama. it is so rare and precious in this day and age. there is absolutely NO reason to live like the way you have been living. 

post #32 of 35

I actually had the same issue when I lived in an apartment. I immediately reported it to the management. They would bang on the ceiling when someone would walk across the floor. After a week of that, I purposely made noise. I decided to not make everything super quiet all the time and just be normal. That's the price for living in an apartment. It's not always going to be quiet. If they wanted quiet, they should move to a house. The one time the neighbor came upstairs and tried to break down my door while yelling profanities at me...was the last straw. I called the police and made a report. They moved out a week later.


You need to report them to management. they have no right to abuse your family like that. You also need to make a police report about them harassing you. Hopefully, that will get them to stop.

post #33 of 35
Hi Mamma, it's been a few days since you last posted. How are things? Any better? Thinking about you, hoping all is well and the crazy people are being......less crazy.
post #34 of 35

Thankfully they are moving out! I agree with everyone else that you have absolutely bent over backwards for these people, and for what? They will not be happy no matter what you do. I had a neighbour like yours for a while. She would get angry about us flushing the toilet. Yup. Not to mention walking on the floor. She decided the best course of action would be to out-noise me, like your neighbours did. At that point, I'm not proud to say, it was no holds barred. She thought I was noisy before? Like you, I was being considerate. All housework was done to LOUD housework music, the toddler was allowed to run where and as she liked, and if the toilet needed flushing, it got flushed!


There are people in this world who are just miserable cusses. I think they like it that way. Live your life with no thought to them. They will be gone soon, yay! 

post #35 of 35


Screw the neighbors. You and your family have the right to LIVE in your own house. Kids run. People wear shoes. Babies cry. People like music and tv. The floor is dirty and needs to be vaccumed. I like to hang pictures all.day.long. sometimes :) and if thats what I want to do with my day, thats my business. Geeze. You are way too nice. These people are belittling you and treating you like you dont deserve a place to exist in this world. What if your ultimate hobby was step dancing or if you needed to workout in your apartment by running in place? Seriously, the neighbors cant dictate what you do all day long. There HAS to be a time where your kids can just be kids, in there own house.


If they need to sleep during the day, I suggest they not rent an apartment where someone is above them. They need a freakin patio home with all the retired folks.



Ugh. Sorry for my rant, I rented for years and was always super respectful until someone started complaining about NORMAL noises (like vaccuming at 2pm). After that, I just told them things like:

Oh, I was a photographer and I loved to change my frames around all the time

Sorry, I get really depressed if I dont rearrange my furniture at least once a week

Oh, I have a coffee party with all my friends and their kids every Monday.

Yeah, Im taking clogging lessons. Dont worry, its just a 6 month course :)

Oh, if you think this is noisy, you should have lived here when I was playing trumpet.


Life is noisy. They need to get over it or move to a "no kids" community where everyone is silent.

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