Do you tell people you're TTC or pregnant? - Page 2

[lactatinggirl]

Thanks for all the replies! I ended up telling my mom in context of something regarding DD and preschool and she didn't make a big deal at all. She's mentioned a couple of times that we should wait longer "because we're so young and before we know it our kids will all be grown", but I just keep telling her that we want to now. Slightly annoying, but I am happy that I got her opinion on the preschool thing. 

Now I guess we'll tell DH's parents? I really want DH to tell them though. I feel like it should come from him since it's his parents, YKWIM? It's hard not to mention it when trying to talk about things regarding the future though. I'm not good with secrets. :-P Definitely still not telling friends and stuff though. 

[Cellist]

lactatinggirl - congrats on your pregnancy, first of all!

I couldn't wait when I got my BFP to tell the closest people in my life.  For the "general public" I waited until about 10 weeks...lol.

I've already started telling some of the closest in our lives about TTC, but not everybody. 

[lilacvioletiris]

I asked a couple people about recommendations about mid-wives so they know we are TTC.  Not sure we will keep it a secret from anyone once I get pregnant because keeping secrets is not my cup of tea.  If I get morning sickness, I don't want to try to "have another stomach bug" every day.  I am hoping I will be like my mom who I never remember being ill with her 7 pregnancies.

[Cellist]

lila...I didn't get sick...and I know others who haven't, too!  You might not!

[lilacvioletiris]

I hope I will not get sick. Just have to wait and see what happens.

[milkcake]

Originally Posted by Laurucha 

We have been TTC for over a year and haven't told anyone at all. I feel like once you tell people you are TTC, you invite them into your uterus to express opinions. The people who would want to know the most are our families, but I know our mothers would drive us crazy with unsolicited advice. We are evasive when people ask if we're planning on having kids and people always drop the subject pretty quick. It feels pretty lonely not having anyone to talk to about it though.

When we finally get pregnant, I am not sure what I am going to do. I would like to wait until the risk of miscarriage is lower, but like a lot of you, I am terrible at keeping secrets. I know that I am going to turn down a drink and someone is going to ask me and I am going to be unable to lie. But I would hate to have to share the news of a miscarriage.

This, so much. We haven't told anyone because of their advice/ridicule (I'm 22 and they want me to have a *~career~*) not to mention my family is very conservative, and they don't agree with no circ, cosleeping and EBF. They also think CD is weird and hippie. So they'll just have to find out later!

This has turned out to be advantageous as well, since we just recently m/c at 8wks :[

[Chloe'sMama]

We told people we were TTC and it took us almost 3 years with DD1.  It was awful.... I hated people asking how things were going when they were not going well.  I also had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and we had told many people we were pregnant, then had to tell everyone about losing the baby.

With both DD1 and DD2, we waited until 12 weeks (actually 13 weeks with DD2, until we heard the heartbeat).

That is just us, but if we have another, we won't tell we are TTC or when we are in early pregnancy.

[tjlucca]

Originally Posted by Laurucha 

We have been TTC for over a year and haven't told anyone at all. I feel like once you tell people you are TTC, you invite them into your uterus to express opinions. The people who would want to know the most are our families, but I know our mothers would drive us crazy with unsolicited advice. We are evasive when people ask if we're planning on having kids and people always drop the subject pretty quick. It feels pretty lonely not having anyone to talk to about it though.

When we finally get pregnant, I am not sure what I am going to do. I would like to wait until the risk of miscarriage is lower, but like a lot of you, I am terrible at keeping secrets. I know that I am going to turn down a drink and someone is going to ask me and I am going to be unable to lie. But I would hate to have to share the news of a miscarriage.

I kind of feel like this. We started TTC last fall and miscarried. We told no one, but did mention it finally last month to MIL. She told DP how we lost the baby because we are always trying to diet and that if I didn't fatten up, I'd never get pregnant. By "diet" she means eating organic, whole foods and being vegetarian (we supplement our veg lifestyle appropriately to be sure we get enough protein and B vitamins). So yeah, that I didn't need. We are TTC again, but won't be telling anyone. If we miscarry again, we won't be mentioning that either :(

[Trying2bPositiv]

Hi, I am new to this forum. I got married last may and since then have been TTC. We haven't told anyone but like a lot of people on this forum, we get asked constantly by friends and family "so when will you two be having a baby". I feel like saying "don't worry, you'll probably know when I start to grow a basketball at the front of me". People just have no idea how upsetting it is when you desperately want a baby and you're constantly being asked about it. Particularly when friends and workmates are all falling pregnant at the drop of a hat around you.

I know a lot of people have been trying longer than me but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Good luck to you all and happy baby dust xxx

[firsttimettc]

Originally Posted by Trying2bPositiv 

Hi, I am new to this forum. I got married last may and since then have been TTC. We haven't told anyone but like a lot of people on this forum, we get asked constantly by friends and family "so when will you two be having a baby". I feel like saying "don't worry, you'll probably know when I start to grow a basketball at the front of me". People just have no idea how upsetting it is when you desperately want a baby and you're constantly being asked about it. Particularly when friends and workmates are all falling pregnant at the drop of a hat around you.
I know a lot of people have been trying longer than me but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Good luck to you all and happy baby dust xxx

I totally know what you mean about people always asking!  I've been married to my DH for 6 years this May and I can't tell you how many times we've been asked.  I think finally most people have stopped asking, but a few friends still do!  We've only officially started TTC last month or so, but have not been using any BC since Jan. 2012.  Still no BFP, but dying for one soon!  It is VERY hard not telling anyone that we are TTC because we have been married so long and I've been wanting to start TTCing for 2 years now.  It litterally took THAT long to get my DH to be on board.  And he is still not 100% on board!  I really want someone to talk to about this, because he is pretty unsupportive.  I've ended up telling a few friends that we are TTC and one SIL.  But I kinda think a lot of people already know we are TTC because I've had baby fever for so long.  I wish I could tell more people, like my family and my DH's family, but he is SOOOO uptight about telling people.  This forum really has helped!  

As for telling people when (please God!) we are pregnant, I think I will tell my parents right away, because it will be their first grandchild!  Then maybe my siblings, then wait a few weeks to tell my in-laws, then a few close friends.  Then after 12 weeks, I will tell everyone (facebook and all).  I'm dying for that day!  It is soooo hard seeing so many of my friends having babies and getting pregnant at the drop of a hat and I still have nothing.  
 

[dakipode]

Hey firsttimettc, sounds like we have similar stories though mine is sort of the other way around: DH and I finally got married a little over a year ago but been together for 9 years. I was ready to TTC 6 years ago but it's taken him this long to "give in". One of the reasons we waited so long to get married is because in his experience most of his friends got pregnant within a year of getting married. I said, yeah the longer we wait to get married the more likely that is to be us!Let me know if you want to talk some more because it sure sounds like we're in the same boat.

I'm not good with keeping secrets so a number of people know we're TTC, though most of them probably think we're being pretty casual about it. When we do succeed I don't think I'll want to tell anyone except for a few close friends and my mother about early PG. If, God forbid, I were to M/C, I'd hate to have so many people feel sorry for me, I'd rather have them celebrate with me when it's real, i.e. after 1st trimester.

[nikkibkool]

I was excited to tel ppl we were TTC, but I strongly stressed the DO NOT TELL MY SISTER> No one is allowed to post on FB about it either. My mother, brother, DH's mother, and some friends know. We are military living over seas so it isn't hard to keep this a secret from my sister. My sister really wants a baby, but her DH doesn't. I guess her financial situation is also holding them back also. I know it would hurt her to know we are TTC baby #3. Her lil sister not only got married first, but has 2 kids and working on the 3rd. She is going to hit the roof. I feel awful and don't want to hurt her, but this is our life. We have been talking about TTC since 09. I don't know what to do... Tell her when we get a BFP or later on in the pregnancy. I know both are going to crush her. How am I going to tell her?? Make up some lie? Oh I wasn't feeling well and went to the Dr. surprise??   

[filiadeluna]

When I was TTC #1, I only told close friends and my mom we were TTC.  Once I got pregnant, we told everyone the day of/after my BFP.  We couldn't wait, even though we were going to.  My BFP was on July 3rd, so if we'd kept it quiet when we went to our best friends' 4th of July party, they would have wondered why I wasn't drinking.  

This time around, friends (close or otherwise) know, and my mom knows.  I don't want to tell my in-laws b/c they will try to convince DH that we need to wait until he has a better job, etc.  Well, we are comfortable - not really struggling anymore, but we don't have much excess $ anyway.  It is really none of their damned business if we can "afford" another child in their mind anyhow.  I breastfeed, cosleep, cloth diaper, and want to home birth, so our expenses will not be that high compared to most people.  

When I finally get pregnant again (or IF I do), my *plan* is to keep it quiet for awhile just because I kind of want to enjoy our little secret before telling everyone else.  I'll probably tell my mom within a few weeks, because she will be living with us this Summer - can't hide it long!  I want to wait to tell the in-laws especially, maybe 2-3 months in.  They live across the country, and aren't visiting anytime soon, so they will never know.  I may wait 2-3 months to tell friends too.  With my first pregnancy I didn't obviously show until I was around 5 months, because I was already overweight (and still am).  

This question wasn't asked originally, but I'm curious to know what everyone else is thinking of doing in regards to finding out the gender/revealing it, and choosing a name/revealing it, etc.  I would really like to have SOME sort of surprise since it will be our 2nd baby.  I either want to be surprised about the gender myself, or find out but not have anyone except me and DH know.  OR, if I decide to reveal the gender to people, I will probably keep the name we pick a secret until the baby is born.  I will tell online friends, but probably not on Facebook, b/c someone will let it slip.  LOL.  What will you guys do??

[monkeyscience]

nikki - Coming from someone with IF (not the same as not having a partner on board with TTC, but same net effect), I would actually encourage you to tell your sister you are TTC again, and I would definitely NOT wait longer to tell her you are expecting. The news is not going to be easy on her no matter how you tell her, but being the last one to know definitely makes it hurt more. Telling her you are TTC now at least gives her time to prepare herself for a pregnancy announcement, instead of it coming out of nowhere.

[Harmony96]

Originally Posted by filiadeluna 

This question wasn't asked originally, but I'm curious to know what everyone else is thinking of doing in regards to finding out the gender/revealing it, and choosing a name/revealing it, etc.  I would really like to have SOME sort of surprise since it will be our 2nd baby.  I either want to be surprised about the gender myself, or find out but not have anyone except me and DH know.  OR, if I decide to reveal the gender to people, I will probably keep the name we pick a secret until the baby is born.  I will tell online friends, but probably not on Facebook, b/c someone will let it slip.  LOL.  What will you guys do??

With our first two kids, we didn't find out the gender prenatally (but my mother's intuition was right on both of them), and also didn't share names until after the birth. With Jonathan, we found out the gender and were going to keep it between us, but then on the way home from the ultrasound, DH sighed and said, "Go ahead and call your mom." LOL. We intended to not share the name until he was born, but when I unexpectedly and suddenly got put on hospital bedrest and we didn't know if he or I would make it, we decided to go ahead and name him and share the name, so people praying for us could pray for him by name.

If we're blessed with another pregnancy, we'll probably be finding out again, since I don't know how long the baby will be with us, and I want to know everything about him/her while he/she is around. And unless I have a complicated pregnancy again, we'll probably keep the names hidden, but haven't really fully discussed that yet.

[Fnord]

I haven't told anyone I am TTC except my closest friends, and my SO has told his mom which means his sister also knows.

There are some people who know that I didn't tell, because someone I thought was a close friend did not even stop to think whether I was okay with my fertility issues being blabbed to everyone we know, but I don't really associate with her or anyone we knew in common anymore.

I don't really hide it either, though. If anyone is interested in me enough to read my blog, I do mention it there.

[Mom2Nine]

Come on & just tell me what is TTC?

[Harmony96]

Originally Posted by Mom2Nine 

Come on & just tell me what is TTC?

Trying To Conceive.

[Tropicalfever]

We haven't told anyone we are TTC except my MIL (if I may call her so cause we will only be tieing the knot at the end of this year) and we won't. We've been together for 10 years and I recently though 28 would be the right time to have our first child but I was still doubtful just feeling not ready and my beloved was not enthusiased at all because I'm the one working and he doesn"t have a job at the moment. Its actually "MIL" who talked him in I hope I have that kind of connection with my baby. So we are to tell anyoneexcept her; my mom will definitely not appreciate (over conservative against sex out of wedlock so you canm only imagine having a child?!!) and also any negative comments about his situation or whatever and also the fear of miscarriage moreover its a cultural thing not to tell when you are pregnant. So I hope I'll be able to keep it tight. In any case I dont plan any facebook announcements though I won't hide either.

[BaileyB]

Originally Posted by milkcake 

Originally Posted by Laurucha 

We have been TTC for over a year and haven't told anyone at all. I feel like once you tell people you are TTC, you invite them into your uterus to express opinions. The people who would want to know the most are our families, but I know our mothers would drive us crazy with unsolicited advice. We are evasive when people ask if we're planning on having kids and people always drop the subject pretty quick. It feels pretty lonely not having anyone to talk to about it though.

When we finally get pregnant, I am not sure what I am going to do. I would like to wait until the risk of miscarriage is lower, but like a lot of you, I am terrible at keeping secrets. I know that I am going to turn down a drink and someone is going to ask me and I am going to be unable to lie. But I would hate to have to share the news of a miscarriage.

This, so much. We haven't told anyone because of their advice/ridicule (I'm 22 and they want me to have a *~career~*) not to mention my family is very conservative, and they don't agree with no circ, cosleeping and EBF. They also think CD is weird and hippie. So they'll just have to find out later!

This has turned out to be advantageous as well, since we just recently m/c at 8wks :[

I double agree with this. I have learned after 2 pregnancies that the less others, know the better. Unless you love unsolicited advice and a million-gazillion questions from people you don't know...

Are you having a c-section?

Ummm, do I know you?