I'm a new mother to be....

[ExpectantMama19]

I'm a 19 year old mother to be. My fiance and I are expecting our first baby in late October/early November. I am terrified. I've heard so many different things about pregnancy and childbirth, that I'm scared out of my senses. I was wanting to hear from the mothers on here helpful advice, as well as the expecting mothers of their first children as to how they are feeling and what they are thinking as well as how far along they are.

[Kedrosami]

Pregnancy and childbirth are normal and natural, and your body was designed for it. Everything will be fine--I'm pregnant with my second now so I can say this with confidence!

Nervousness and fear of the unknown is just part of being pregnant for the first time, and you can't avoid having those feelings. But you can empower yourself with education and positive thinking! You are definitely in the right place. There are many great women here who can support you and give you the benefit of their knowledge and experience.

Are you worried about anything in particular?

[ExpectantMama19]

I am terrified of needles (which I know there are alot involved in pregnancy,) so I've been searching for ways of pain management and alternatives to an epidural and other pain medications. I was intrigued by waterbirth and have been doing as much research as I can about it. I'm still pretty scared about childbirth in general... I've never had a high threshold for pain, and childbirth terrifies me. And the fact that my sister knows about my fear of needles and aversion to pain, and she thinks that it's funny to make fun of me about it. She gets cruel about it and I end up in tears.... I just want advice and support from HELPFUL people instead of vindictive women who will say and do anything for a good laugh..... Is that too much to ask?

[HawaiianBlesing]

My sister has a very low pain tolerance as well and let me tell you she was a birth warrior.  I've never seen someone with so much strength.  It's amazing how transformed she was--never winced once.

You might want to try the hypnobabies series.  They have a track just for the fear of needles part.  I'm a first time momma too and I can tell you that sometimes I do get overwhelmed thinking about it all but then I think how women have been having babies for centuries.

This is such a great place to find love and support.  I'm sure that just about every question has been asked here at one time or another.

I've found the hypnobabies program to be very uplifting for lack of a better word.  I listen to the pregnancy affirmations daily as well as my study program in the afternoon.

I do not have a fear of needles but I can most definitely tell you that I DO NOT one going in my back.  My BIL and SIL are both anaesthesiologists and that doesn't make it any easier thinking about that.

I'm keeping that right out of my thoughts and game plan all together.  The power of positive thinking. 

Welcome...you have plenty of time to "sooth" your fears.  And I would tell your sis that you need to hear only positive things about pregnancy! 

[ExpectantMama19]

To top off insult to injury, my sister, (she's actually my twin) has a son who will be 2 in June, and is apparently 6 weeks pregnant with her second baby. She knows what childbirth is like, and yet she still finds ways to rub my fears in my face and make me feel even more worried and stressed out about it. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to be around her because I know exactly what our conversations are going to be about.... Now onto something more pleasant. I've never heard of the hypnobabies series. What it that exactly? Could you give me a little more info about it please? And in regards to the BIG needle in your spine, it's a big NO WAY for me as well. I don't even want an IV needle inserted in my hand. That's what first attracted me to waterbirth, then the more I read about it, the more I'm convinced that it's the best way to go for me.

[Kedrosami]

Oh I second the Hypnobabies recommendation! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B001I8E5TK/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/190-6107952-6493102

I just started the home study course and I think it would be really good for you, particularly for protecting your mind from other people's negativity, and for fear-clearing. You can usually find used copies for cheaper on eBay too.

My biggest recommendation besides working through that emotional stuff (you will!) is find a good midwife or doctor who is truly supportive of natural birth, who you can talk to openly about your fears and your wishes for your birth, who will be on your side. That will make the biggest difference more than anything else.

There are also great books you can read to prepare yourself: look up the Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, Birthing From Within, and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Make a point to learn good information and positivity, and listen to those voices, not your annoying sister! LOL!

[Jaimee]

It sounds like your sister is causing you a lot of anxiety and stress.  That is something you do not need at a time like this.  If it were me, I would talk to her about my true feelings and ask her to stop her negative behaviors.  If she cannot do this for you, her sister, then if it were me, I would distance myself from her for a little while- at least until you get your head wrapped around everything and build up your confidence. 

Birth is amazing.  It is life changing.  It is empowering.  The female body was designed to birth.  Affirmations are very effective.  I would second the recommendations of pp's and start reading.  Don't read What to Expect, read good books with good messages like Ina May's books, Birthing From Within, A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, and others.  Watch The Business of Being Born on NetFlix.  Go to a local La Leche League meeting.  And yes, look into childbirth classes like hypnobabies or HypBirth (a home study course) later on in your pregnancy. 

You will have the option to decline most prenatal testing.  There will be a blood test involved to confirm your pregnancy and rule out infectious diseases like rubella and AIDS if you go to a typical OB or CNM.  There will also be an anemia test and glucose tolerance test later on in pregnancy, required by most care providers.  But other than that you do not have to deal with needles (unless you're Rh- and then you'll need to consider the 2 Rhogam shots).  You certainly do not need an epi if you don't want it.  My advice would be to find a good care provider as soon as you can.  Are you looking into midwives?  Midwives will give you much more of their time and talk to you about your feelings. You will have the most freedom with a homebirth CPM in terms of declining tests and other protocols.  Have you posted in the "Finding your tribe" section yet?  You might find others in your area to connect with and who can offer recommendations for providers.

You've come to the right place for support and advice.  Keep asking your questions!  

[ExpectantMama19]

Thank you all for your wonderful advice and support. I've been so nervous about everything that's going on, and not sure what to read or what not to read in regards to my pregnancy. I will most definitely take all of y'all's advice and look into everything y'all have suggested. I can already tell that this is going to be a great help and support line to me throughout my pregnancy. I'm sure I'll have LOTS more questions in the next 7 and a half months, so I'm sure y'all will be seeing quite a lot of me until y'all are . Again, thank you all SOOOOO much and I look forward to talking more with y'all soon!

[Mountaingirl79]

Hi! I am due in October too, you should come check out the October due date club!

I know where you are coming from too, my first baby was born when I was 20. I was very scared too. We all go through that, trust me! And it will be okay! 

I am on baby #3 now, and if it was that horrible I wouldnt keep doing it. LOL 

I dont have a fear of needles, but I understand. Really, it only happens a few times, they dont stick you every appt or anything like that. Dont worry about the pain of childbirth too much, our bodies know what to do. Honestly, I had my youngest unmedicated, and there were moments during his birth that actually felt GOOD! AND, as soon as he was born, I felt great. I got out of bed and took his picture in his little porta-bassinet. 

If you want to talk about any specific fears we are here and we wont laugh at you.

[Jaimee]

And I'm due in November, feel free to post in either or both DDC's!  It's fun to see what others are going through and commiserate/support each other as you're going through it too. 

[LiLStar]

I'm due in Nov with my 3rd. I got pregnant with my first when I was 19 :) Stick around these forums, and check out the birth and beyond forum as well. You will probably find that the women around here, in general, have a more positive outlook regarding pregnancy/birth than you might find on other mainstream forums. Have you considered home birth? If you found a midwife that you really click with, a lot of home birth midwives are very supportive of mother's declining tests. Throughout my entire pregnancy and birth last time, I had 2 iron tests (finger poke) and thats IT! No 1st tri labs, no glucose test (during one of the finger pokes, while my finger was already bleeding anyway, they did a random blood sugar to see if there were any red flags) and definitely no IV! You will probably have a much easier time finding an out of hospital care provider who will be accommodating to you than an in hospital one. A hospital based nurse midwife dropped me from care when I refused the glucose test. The home birth midwife I switched to simply laughed and commended me for sticking up for myself :)

[Kedrosami]

I wanted to add that I'm almost 26 weeks along in my pregnancy, and I have yet to be poked with a needle of any kind! You can always decline anything you don't want to do, but as others have said, choosing a home birth midwife definitely makes that easier.

My last pregnancy only involved one episode with needles--for a blood draw. No needles whatsoever during labor and birth. I had a quick, easy, wonderful completely natural birth! For me, the "pain" of labor was not anything like any other pain--in fact I would describe it as "intense" but I'm not even sure I'd use the word "pain." It was a great experience--a lot of work, I suppose, and very intense, but nothing about it was bad!

A lot of the bad things women experience during labor have to do with fear, and with the natural process being interfered with by others.

[ExpectantMama19]

I had actually considered home birth, especially after stumbling upon the information about waterbirth. The only problem I have is finding a midwife local where I live. I'm glad that I found out that I can refuse anything that I don't want to do during pregnancy. That has been one of my biggest fears I think.  Jaimee, I notice in your signature that you have had a waterbirth. How was it for you? What was involved? Was it at home or a hospital? Please, if you don't mind my asking, could YOU give me first hand experience about it?

[amaayeh]

Hello, welcome, and congratulations!  I was reading your post thinking of myself at your age and I have to say I had very similar feelings.  I've never been too keen on needles...or pain of any kind.  I was once bit by a dog and screamed bloody murder when they were cleaning my cut (it was only about 1/2 in long!).  The nurse said to me "Oh sweetie, you'll never make it in childbirth!"  I look back and think what a horrible seed she planted in my head.  I never even considered natural childbirth between that comment and so many that my mother made.  Anyway, here I am, and I've now had a hospital birth with interventions, a birth center waterbirth with no interventions, and am now planning a home waterbirth.  You won't know until you've experienced it, but to me, childbirth is so different than any other pain I have experienced.  It had a purpose...and one I was VERY excited about!  I don't know of any other pain you have that has such a wonderful reward at the end!  I agree with previous posters, read, read, read.  Take classes.  Educate yourself.  That is your absolute BEST chance at having the birth you want.  If only I had done that before my first birth....

And the needle thing...I have only had one blood draw this pregnancy at the beginning to check iron levels, etc.  It wasn't painful.  Other than that, I haven't done anything else other than feeling and listening to the baby.  Again, this goes back to education and reading up on every single test and procedure so that you know whether they are right for you and your baby.  Whatever choice you make, just feel confident that you know what your options are. 

Good luck!

[LiLStar]

Where are you located? There are some places where you have to know just the right place to look and the right people to ask to find a midwife. A good place to check is the finding your tribe section on this forum

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by ExpectantMama19 

I had actually considered home birth, especially after stumbling upon the information about waterbirth. The only problem I have is finding a midwife local where I live. I'm glad that I found out that I can refuse anything that I don't want to do during pregnancy. That has been one of my biggest fears I think.  Jaimee, I notice in your signature that you have had a waterbirth. How was it for you? What was involved? Was it at home or a hospital? Please, if you don't mind my asking, could YOU give me first hand experience about it?

It's not necessarily true that you can refuse anything you don't want.  You will need to choose your care provider carefully so that their protocols sit well with you.  For example, at a birth center there are certain tests that will be required or you can no longer receive care there.  The same is true for some OB's.  Again, your best chance for the most amount of freedom in your prenatal care as well as birth would be with a home birth CPM. 

As for my experience with a water birth... it was fantastic.  Laboring in water is immensely relaxing and a great way to help you integrate the contractions.  At the birth center, I was in a large jacuzzi tub, which was kept at the perfect temperature for me.  I labored in that tub for quite some time, got out to change things up, but ended up back in for the pushing stage.  I actually fell asleep between pushing contractions.  When my daughter came out, the midwife just pulled her out of the water and put her on my chest, all nice and clean from her journey through the water.

With my second, I was at home and had a blow up birth pool.  The pool was great, but it was so cold outside and our house is older.  It was difficult to keep the temperature where I needed it to be and we ran out of hot water.  The brief time I was in the pool was great, but once I started to shiver violently I had to get out.  So my second was born on land.

My best advice is to set yourself up in an environment where water is available to you to labor and birth in, but don't assume that is what you are going to want.  It's important to always remain flexible when it comes to birth.  You might find that you hate the water and feel more in control on land.  You never know!  But I highly recommend having the option available and that usually means birth center or a home birth.
 

[ExpectantMama19]

Originally Posted by LiLStar 

Where are you located? There are some places where you have to know just the right place to look and the right people to ask to find a midwife. A good place to check is the finding your tribe section on this forum

Right now, I am in central NC. About 45 minutes south of Greensboro. But in the next couple of weeks, I'm going back to stay with my fiance in Jacksonville, NC.

[Katico]

I had a pretty major fear of needles before I was pregnant with my daughter.  I actually conquered that life-long fear by the time she was born though!  I made it through all the bloodwork because I had to do it, for her sake....and now I don't LOVE needles but it really doesn't bother me nearly as much now!