How do you discuss the subject of BLW with friends?

[Lemoncello]

My DS is 5 mo old, and in a few weeks we plan to slowly begin feeding solids with the baby-led approach. He has moderate eczema, and we aren't sure yet if it is due to more to environmental allergens or food sensitivity...so people understand when I explain that we are waiting until he is 6 mos old to start solids and that we will be careful what foods we begin introducing first. However, I haven't shared with anyone except my mom and brother that we are not planning to go with the traditional baby cereal and pureed foods. Thankfully they were both totally on board with the idea! :) I have several friends around here, though, who have started feeding the LOs much earlier and always with cereal and purees. One close friend has a son who is just a few months older than DS, and she has offered several times to give or sell me some of her jarred foods and cereal that her baby is no longer eating. I usually take alot of her advice because we have many of the same ideas about child-rearing and natural living, and she has had ALOT more experience with babies than I have! But we obviously don't see eye to eye on this issue, and I don't know how to explain that we are going to approach solids very differently. She has a very strong personality, and I don't...so I want to keep the peace without being a push-over at the same time. How would you tell a friend about BLW in a way that is neither offensive nor defensive?

[tzs]

i never got much into it with people. it was pretty much pointless and when it comes down to it, in casual conversation, they really don't care i would just say that we were skipping purees or we were just giving her "table foods." if they were curious and could benefit from a discussion then we could get into it.

[anjsmama]

Hmm well you can practice with me :) I don't know anything about what you're talking about... I'm very new to natural family living and trying to add things as I learn. New DD is EBF and I am babywearing and using EC with her so far. It's all wonderful so far, I am just loving how well we know each other already (and she's only 10.5 weeks old!). I started solids at 4 months with cereal and purees with DS, with encouragement from his pediatrician, only to learn later they're not really recommended to start until 6 months. So I'm very curious what you feed a baby starting foods instead? I'm definitely waiting til 6 months with DD and I am putting a lot of thought into what to feed her.. because I have celiac disease and DS does too, and since his symptoms began at such a young age (and mine not til adolescence), I have wondered if it's because we introduced grains much too early. So please, tell me your plans and why it's beneficial! :)

[lifeguard]

When she offers I'd simply say "we're okay right now, thank you". Otherwise I wouldn't discuss the plan & if she questions you once you start into I always like "this is working great for us right now".

[SeattleRain]

Originally Posted by tzs 

i never got much into it with people. it was pretty much pointless and when it comes down to it, in casual conversation, they really don't care i would just say that we were skipping purees or we were just giving her "table foods." if they were curious and could benefit from a discussion then we could get into it.

I would do this. I think its important not to make purees and cereal "bad" and BLW "good." I really don't think either are better than the other, its just a matter of preference in how you want to feed your baby nutritiously. I think both camps can make a good argument about why they prefer to do one thing or the other, I wouldn't make this your be-all-end-all as a parent. If you don't want her food and cereal just say "I'm not interesetd, we're not doing either of those, we're going to try with table food right away."

[zinemama]

I agree that there is no need to explain anything to anyone. No one is owed an explanation of how/what you plan to feed your child.

[Calliope84]

I just tell people "my child will be getting food when it seems she is physiologically ready for it." If they are interested after I say that (unlikely), I will tell them more about "open gut", tongue thrust reflex yadda yadda. Honestly, DD seems like she is almost ready for food at 4 months. She sits unassisted, reaches for everything and brings it to her mouth for a taste and is showing some interest in food. I think I will wait until 6 months, though and maybe until at least one tooth to be sure. We have allergies and autoimmune diseases in the family so I was planning to wait awhile.

[Monarchgrrl]

I just had this same issue last night. My dad is a very strong personality. He was the last person I told about my homebirth plans and I was just bracing for an all-out attack! I had to send him an email and explain the years of research and decision-making I'd put into it. Still, all the way up to the birth he kept asking about my doctor, epidural, drugs, etc.   But he was SO proud of me once I did it. When I told him our plans to cloth diaper, he said, "HA! We'll see how long that lasts!" Well, she's 5 months now and still going.

Next month we will be visiting him across the country and are going to introduce her first food at his house so he can be a part of a "first" with her. I was telling him he should buy a highchair for our visit. He then asked about picking up some jars of baby food and what kinds. I told him our plans for BLW and what it was and he said, "WHY?" I just told him the benefits and that we'd be starting with avocado. He doesn't understand not mashing it up, but that's ok. He'll see it when we're there. He then was like, "Ooooooh kay. Weird". But he got it more when I framed it as it being easier and cheaper and less troublesome for her to just eat what we're eating...you know healthy, whole foods. Why cart along jars of baby food and feed the baby with a spoon? 

[lifeguard]

calliope - don't worry too much about that tooth - ds' didn't arrive until his first birthday & by then he was eating pretty much everything!

[anjsmama]

Originally Posted by lifeguard 

calliope - don't worry too much about that tooth - ds' didn't arrive until his first birthday & by then he was eating pretty much everything!

Yep! DS didn't get his first tooth until 11 months, and then by the time he turned 1, he had SIX! He was eating all table food before he got his first tooth. 

[FarrenSquare]

Today my MIL was asking me about this, it was awkward. She is from old country, where babies need water between every nursing session from BIRTH, and I should have started him on kefir 2 months ago!

When she started talking about jars of baby food and puree-ing all our meals, I just stammered and had no idea what to tell her. I said we wanted to start with yam and she was like "you can puree that!"

I have no idea how to broach the topic.

[P.J.]

I never explained anything to anyone, and somehow not one single person has ever questioned it. That surprised me, but maybe it was my nonchalant approach. I would always just say "Yeah, well we just skipped purees actually" I sometimes emphasize the practicality issue, like "It's much easier for me not having to make special food for him". Also, DS is pretty high needs and I have said that he would not stand for being spoon-fed, which is the truth!

I clipped a few articles and have the BLW book handy in case of someone questioning deeply, but I never needed that. Most people, once they saw for themselves, were impressed and thought it was so cute to see little Max feeding himself!

As for your friend, why does it have to be an "issue"? You are not saying her way is/was wrong; I don't see the problem. Just tell her you heard about this way and are curious to try it out. You don't need to explain. If she wonders about it, maybe direct her to some articles or the BLW book. All of that information is pretty neutral. Most of my friends with babies do or did purees, and I am certain none of them felt insulted or looked down upon because I didn't. Just be really neutral and matter-of-fact about it, and then change topics. Finished!

[Knitting Mama]

I would just say things like, "We're delaying solids until she's ready," and leave it at that. If people expressed interest in what I meant by "ready," I would go a little more in-depth about the readiness signs.

[Lemoncello]

Well, it wouldn't be so much of an issue, except that this particular friend went to school to become a nanny... which means she tends to think that her way is THE way to do things. She has made lots of comments about starting babies out on solids later implying that they don't eat as well or have problems with trying new foods and textures. I'm sort of hoping to just avoid talking about it again until after we've started letting Josiah try self-feeding so that I can just tell her how well what we are doing is working for us. :) 

[Ginger Bean]

Tell her to visit http://baby-led.com/ and to leave you alone.

This isn't really about baby-led solids, or co-sleeping, or whatever the hot issue of the day is -- it's about setting boundaries. I don't tell my friends whose babies sleep in cribs that they should co-sleep, so why should they bother me with their opinions?

I think baby rice cereal is absolutely filthy rubbish, but I don't tell my friends that.

I don't really have friends like this, but my MIL would be like this if I gave her too many details so I just keep things vague. I don't see the point in confiding in people who don't understand respect goes both ways.

I mean, if it's rude to tell an adult what they should eat, how they should sleep, etc., why do people feel it's OK to get up in parents' grills about how their baby eats and sleeps?

PS:

"She has made lots of comments about starting babies out on solids later implying that they don't eat as well or have problems with trying new foods and textures."

How do purees encourage babies to enjoy different tastes and textures when it's all one texture and typically different flavours mixed into one?