where do I go from here?

[sesa70]

Our dd has been home 4 weeks and is still extremely fussy. She is two months old. She cries A LOT and and never seems happy. She has short (5-10) minute spans where she is content, but never happy. Most of her time is spent either hysterically crying or fussing on the verge of crying.

She is not easily consoled, and believe me I have tried it all. We have tried 4 different formulas and are currently on the most hypo allergenic stuff you can get. She is on two reflux meds at the moment and they do not seem to be helping. She is also very restless, almost contantly moving.

AFAIK there were no drugs/alcohol during pregnancy and birthmom took very good care of herself. Baby was born about a month preterm.

I can't help feeling like something is wrong here. My pediatrician is not taking me seriously enough. Where do I go from here? I have no idea what is wrong, I just can't shake the feeling its something. I would be happy to have her evaluated and to see specialists, just not sure which or what to have her evaluated for.

Any advise would be much appreciated. Thank you~!

[SundayCrepes]

Have you gotten any donor breastmilk? www.milkshare.com or facebook eats on feets. I donated after the birth of my son and found 4 donors after the adoption of our daughter (I produced most of her milk.) I was tested as per the recommendations on milkshare and so were all our donors.

[WifeMomChiro]

Get to a pediatric chiropractor.  Seriously.  I am a chiropractor and I have seen so many moms and babies like yours.  I see people who have tried everything, and so often a simple adjustment will relieve the tension on the nervous system and that baby will calm down.  If you have never seen a baby adjusted, it is not at all like an adult adjustment.  It is very gentle. 

[sesa70]

I am more than willing to try! I have considered a chiro and/or a cranio sacral therapist, except I do not know where to find a good one. Any suggestions on how to find one?

 

Originally Posted by WifeMomChiro 

Get to a pediatric chiropractor.  Seriously.  I am a chiropractor and I have seen so many moms and babies like yours.  I see people who have tried everything, and so often a simple adjustment will relieve the tension on the nervous system and that baby will calm down.  If you have never seen a baby adjusted, it is not at all like an adult adjustment.  It is very gentle. 

[WifeMomChiro]

I actually do a combination of traditional chiropractic and craniosacral on most babies.  I find it works best. ;)

Do you have a Holistic Mom's Network in your area?  Those women usually have good referral sources for you.  If you want to PM me your location, then there is a possibility I would know of someone, or I could put the word out to see if I can find someone for you.

eta - You can also check www.icpa4kids.org to find a pediatric chiro.  They may not be trained is CST though.

[Diane B]

I would second the advise to find a pediatric cranio-sacral therapist.  We did a couple sessions with our daughter after she came home and it helped SO MUCH.  It's extremely safe and gentle.  Be sure to get someone who's peds certified.  Here's a list:

http://www.upledger.com/findapractitioner.asp

Hang in there -

[RiverandJulie]

I just wanted to send you some hugs and support!  i also really love our chiro.  I feel like i have seen our little guy go from being fussy to being a pretty happy sweet toddler.  I wish I had started when he was younger.  Cant hurt right?

I posted on my facebook page and motherings "finding your tribe"  I found  had several friends who had taken their kids to chiros that they liked.

Where do you live, maybe one of us can help?

[RedOakMomma]

Sesa, I'm so sorry. :(  Our daughter was like that at night, and I know how quickly it can push parents and family to the brink.  I hope this passes soon, but in the meantime (and if it doesn't), please know that there are a lot of moms here who understand.  You can be honest about how hard it is.

[queencarr]

Sesa, I am so sorry it is so hard!  It is really difficult to live with that level of stress day in and day out.  A couple of thoughts, just to rule htings out.  have you seen a neonatologist to go over any preemie related issues.  Their neuro systems can still be "disorganized" and so they respond to touch and such differently and developed a "learned" response that is different than what you would expect.  Swaddling can help sometimes for this, along with low light and noise.  As far as the reflux, are you going through your pedi or a pedi GI? I would go for the specialist at this point if you haven't already.  Ds1's reflux was not treated/undertreated for long enough that he developed damage in his esophagus and required high dose meds for a while to correct.   She may need a scope to be sure.  There are also a lot of meds and many don't work or don't well for particular kids--it can take a lot of trial and error.  Another specialist to consider--a developmental pediatrician can check overall development to see if something is missed there.  Are you getting a sense if it is physical or emotional?  And I know it sounds "foo-foo" but have you asked her to tell you what is wrong?  Reassured her that she is home with you for good, that you are not going anywhere, that even if she fusses you will be there for her and love her?  Our NICU nurses for ds1 swore by telling the babies what they were going to do, apologizing for painful procedures and explaining it to them and reassuring them, etc and it made a huge difference in their responses. 

And for your own mental health, make sure you are getting breaks and getting out of the house away from your dd/dd's fussing.  I didn't do that soon enough, since we were focusing on attachment and I was trying to follow the "rules", and it was very hard on me and my health.  Our social worker even wanted me to leave for a weekend at 3m PP, because things were so rough, although I waited about 9m.  Finally, please feel free to vent here or in PM.  I now there is nothing you can say that would shock me:)  and I know others that feel the same. 

[sesa70]

Thank you so much everyone for being supportive, helpful, and most importantly, non judgemental.

This is so much more complicated than I ever imagined it would be.

Thank you again, everyone, for allowing me a safe place to talk about this.

ETA: when I wrote this particular post I was in a very dark, scary place. While I do still feel this way many days, I did not feel comfortable having such unkind words out there in the world, true or not true.

Edited by sesa70 - 4/15/11 at 5:57am

[queencarr]

I promise we have been there!  More hugs, PM me if you need anything I can help with or just a shoulder.

[heatherdeg]

I have a good chiro over here, but it's the edge of Naperville/Aurora.  If you're not part of the local HMN, I am and I can post a request for a local for you.  I e-mailed you yesterday.  Will try to call tomorrow.

Be gentle on yourself, too.  Hugs.  :(

[Tjej]

One of my cousin's kids had issues like you are talking about.  I don't know how long it too, but eventually a geneticist diagnosed Turner's syndrome.  You'd never know now that the little girl has a genetic issue (healthy, good in school, developmentally on target with peers), but it sure made for an unhappy baby. 

Maybe looking into a genetic screening could be helpful.

Tjej

[zombie]

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/15/health/15really.html?_r=1&ref=health

Probiotics have been found to be really helpful for colic.  They are cheap and easy and worth a try.

[RiverandJulie]

PPD can affect adoptive parents...and dads.  Any chance one of you needs to get this looked into?  
 

I am not at all discounting the fact that you have a high needs challenging baby.  But-she could be contributing to PPD too!  You sound so overwhelmed, my heart goes out to your family.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by Tjej 

One of my cousin's kids had issues like you are talking about.  I don't know how long it too, but eventually a geneticist diagnosed Turner's syndrome.  You'd never know now that the little girl has a genetic issue (healthy, good in school, developmentally on target with peers), but it sure made for an unhappy baby. 

Maybe looking into a genetic screening could be helpful.

Tjej

That's a good idea, actually.  We looked into Turner's when we had a baby come back with a bad CVS and it was potentially Turner's--which I think is a variant of Trisomy 21 (traditionally Down's) that only affects girls and is VERY livable.  I remember thinking that you could potentially not even know it was there.  

[lauren]

The federal Early Intervention Program for Infants and Toddlers with Disabilities, administered by states, is mandated to serve premature babies as well as all children birth to three that have any suspected disabilities. This program can give you support and help walk you through different evaluations that might be necessary. I could help with more specific information if I knew your state.

[lari]

Did you go to adoption court?  How did it go?  Big hugs to you.  I can not imagine the stress you are going thru especially with DH not being on board with this.  Can you leave her with anyone, extended family, a close friend for a short while so you can get a break and try to clear your head and get some kind of game plan so you can hopefully reassure DH in some way. Maybe someone else being with her for a period of time could give you some insight from an outside perspective. Even if it's just confirmation that she's really colicky.  Remember we are here for you. 

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by lauren 

The federal Early Intervention Program for Infants and Toddlers with Disabilities, administered by states, is mandated to serve premature babies as well as all children birth to three that have any suspected disabilities. This program can give you support and help walk you through different evaluations that might be necessary. I could help with more specific information if I knew your state.

The OP's baby isn't known to be premature because there is conflicting info between the hospital and the bm (I think I'm remembering this right).  It's likely the baby was preemie and hospital assumed mom was wrong because the baby was at least 6 lbs. at birth.  They did the same crap with my ad.  >:( 

Regardless, Early Intervention doesn't need the child to be preemie to evaluate--even at 1mo.  If there's any kind of problem a parent wants checked out, they have standards for infants that young.  But I would be shocked if OP didn't know EI inside and out because she's dealt with a special needs infant before this child.

[lauren]

You're probably right, Heather. I just know that sometimes folks think there already has to be an established disability to get them involved and also some people don't know the services can start at birth. Just wanted to throw it out there.