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SIL marrying a pedophile RESOLUTION Post 209 - Page 2

post #21 of 213

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by SithLadyFred View Post

Even if he was wrongfully accused, I highly doubt that because of his behavior.

1. He knows that he was convicted and "how that looks".. he also knows the laws about registering and keeping away from children. He's chosen to completely disregard all of that and disregard the path of being on the straight and narrow, in favor of getting with someone who has kids and has a lot of contact with kids. Wrongfully accused or not, at the very best it shows a serious lack of judgment to get with someone like your SIL when he has a legal history like he does. At the worst, it's him selecting a person who will give him close contact to victims he can groom to abuse.

2. He didn't tell her. When your DH called her, she wasn't aware.. the lack of responsiveness on her part is covering up the biggest red flag- she didn't even know. So it's not like he flat out told her, "I am a convicted sex offender, but I was wrongly accused and here's my story." He kept her in the dark and that is very suspicious, especially since they're to be getting married.

In my opinion you need to call the police and  his parole officer and notify them of what's going on. Even if he's updated on his address, they may not be aware that he's around children. Pedophiles are court-ordered to stay a certain number of feet away from children and aren't allowed to live in the same house as a child.

I also agree with whoever said you should work on your relationship with the kids, just in case- you want to make sure they feel they have somewhere to turn if things go south quickly. It blows my mind that parents like your SIL exist- why would anyone put their innocent children in that kind of a situation??

 

Yes, yes, yes!

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post

*warning SA mentioned, triggering*

 

My mother started going out with a convicted pedophile when I was 11. Everyone thought he was really charming, even my grandparents liked him. He was from another country and had obviously moved to escape being taken into custody again  - I later found out he still had an outstanding warrant. OP, you mentioned your SIL is always around kids as well as having her own. These "people" groom their victims carefully to get access to as many potential victims as they can. In my case, I met the "man" (can't call them that really) at a school friend's birthday party. He was at the neighbor's, who was also throwing a birthday party. He hung around the girls' party all night. We had a chat. I must have mentioned that I kept snakes at home, because he turned up at my mom's house months later with a snake book in his hands. He'd asked my friend's parents for my address.

 

The rest of the story is rather painful. And my mother just did not see. You and I would probably call the police if a grown guy our daughter met turned up with any excuse, but he then pretended to be in love with my mom and she fell for it. I don't think I'll ever completely heal from what happened next. My mother not only ignored all the warning signals but told me I was lying when I informed her he raped me. He also took the opportunity to rape a class mate too. I wish I had someone like you around during those years, OP. Please be there for SIL's kids in anyway you can, but also - call the police, do whatever you can. Everyone at my school must have had their suspicions, but nobody ever helped me.

 

I'm surprised that so many poster say that these things are often made up and blown out of proportion, and that SIL's fiance might not be a pedophile. There is no reason to give them the benefit of the doubt. Behind them, they leave a path of destruction, hurt, and permanent damage.



hug2.gif I am so sorry this happened to you, and that nobody helped you. greensad.gif No child should have to experience sexual abuse and victimization, and nobody should have to live with the pain that results from being sexually abused.

 

ITA with your post, and especially that which I bolded.

 

post #22 of 213

I'd call CPS, and the boys' father (your ex-BIL?)   He could fight for custody if he wanted to, with this information.

 You could also call the non-emergency # for the local police. 

 

 

post #23 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy Alden View Post

 And I am with your husband on cutting off all contact.  You may not be able to save her boys but you can definitely protect your kids.


I wanted to come back and change this.  We have family members we've had to cut off because their child (possibly two of them) are sex predators.  I was coming at this from the view of protecting MY children.  But in this case, yes, please stay in contact with the boys.  Facebook, text, an open invitation to call anytime of the day or night for any reason.  Sorry for the lame advise.  And thank you to the MDC mamas for calling me on it.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

Except that is not the case. The man in question is registered. That is why the OP's husband was able to find him on the sex offender registry.

 


Sorry, I meant to say a registered sex offender with an incorrect address.  Three sick kids and little to no sleep muddles ones brain a bit, huh!

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post

 Please be there for SIL's kids in anyway you can, but also - call the police, do whatever you can. Everyone at my school must have had their suspicions, but nobody ever helped me.

 

I am so so sorry MittensKittens.  My heart hurts for you so much.hug2.gif

 

I'm surprised that so many poster say that these things are often made up and blown out of proportion, and that SIL's fiance might not be a pedophile. There is no reason to give them the benefit of the doubt. Behind them, they leave a path of destruction, hurt, and permanent damage.

 

In a case like this I'm in the "shoot (not literally) first and ask questions later" camp.  This man is a CONVICTED pedophile.  Specifically "aggravated sexual assault of an 8 year old child."  He is living with children.  I don't care if it was because of a vendetta or false information.  I'm not taking any chances.  Sure, if you want read court transcripts, newspaper articles, talk to former/current friends/family, call his parole officer, blah, blah, blah, then fine.  But unless you know without a shadow of a doubt he was wrongfully convicted treat him as a pedophile.  I'm not taking any chances with my kids, the kids he's living with, or the kids he comes in contact with.  And quite frankly, its not the job of the OP to prove he's innocent.  It's her job to notify the authorities he's living with children and give a heads up to the families of the children he's coming in contact with.

 

And yes to the poster that stated that him not telling the boys mother is a huge red flag.  I don't want to get all Dr. Phil but "people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing."

 

This whole situation is just heartbreaking.  I'm so sorry your family is having to deal with this Anglyn.
 

 

post #24 of 213

I'm glad that you're not enabling her.  If you had bought his excuses, it would be much easier for her to justify moving in with a pedophile.  So glad you didn't do that.  It's a very hard  thing to do what you did for most people.  You're awesome.

 

As far as getting custody, I don't think you could just based on that, but I'd be calling cps, calling the police and keeping an eye out for anything.  I'd also tell the kids and let them know that they'll be believed by you if anything happens and that they should look out for each other around him.  Has anyone told the kids?


Edited by chaoticzenmom - 4/11/11 at 11:06am
post #25 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post

 

 

As far as getting custody, I don't think you could just based on that,

 

The father of the boys would definitely have a strong case for custody based on this information.  At the very least, he'll get a new custody hearing and a judge will decide.  But he needs to know this information first, so I think the OP needs to tell him. 

post #26 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post



 

The father of the boys would definitely have a strong case for custody based on this information.  At the very least, he'll get a new custody hearing and a judge will decide.  But he needs to know this information first, so I think the OP needs to tell him. 



Yup.  The boys father needs to step up and get into court ASAP. 

post #27 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy Alden View Post




I wanted to come back and change this.  We have family members we've had to cut off because their child (possibly two of them) are sex predators.  I was coming at this from the view of protecting MY children.  But in this case, yes, please stay in contact with the boys.  Facebook, text, an open invitation to call anytime of the day or night for any reason.  Sorry for the lame advise.  And thank you to the MDC mamas for calling me on it.

 

 


Sorry, I meant to say a registered sex offender with an incorrect address.  Three sick kids and little to no sleep muddles ones brain a bit, huh!

 

 

 

In a case like this I'm in the "shoot (not literally) first and ask questions later" camp.  This man is a CONVICTED pedophile.  Specifically "aggravated sexual assault of an 8 year old child."  He is living with children.  I don't care if it was because of a vendetta or false information.  I'm not taking any chances.  Sure, if you want read court transcripts, newspaper articles, talk to former/current friends/family, call his parole officer, blah, blah, blah, then fine.  But unless you know without a shadow of a doubt he was wrongfully convicted treat him as a pedophile.  I'm not taking any chances with my kids, the kids he's living with, or the kids he comes in contact with.  And quite frankly, its not the job of the OP to prove he's innocent.  It's her job to notify the authorities he's living with children and give a heads up to the families of the children he's coming in contact with.

 

And yes to the poster that stated that him not telling the boys mother is a huge red flag.  I don't want to get all Dr. Phil but "people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing."

 

This whole situation is just heartbreaking.  I'm so sorry your family is having to deal with this Anglyn.
 

 


YES!!! Do not take any chances with your kids, your nephews, or any other children. Call the authorities. Call the boys father ASAP! I hope he is willing and able to fight for custody, and I really hope your sister opens her eyes.

 

Also, it is amazing how families that desperately don't want anything like this to be happening can live in total denial for a looooong time. So I think it's great that you are stepping up and trying to do the right thing. Please don't drop the ball. Those boys need you to be their advocate, because their mom is not doing it. PLEASE DON'T LET THIS GO!

post #28 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommariffic View Post
 I would NOT call CPS, or the police until I had more details (and proven if possible) 


I totally disagree with this. You do not have the ability to get enough information. It's not your responsibility to be his prosecutor and judge. It is your duty to do what you can to protect the kids. You must contact CPS, the police,  the parole office, and their father. 

 

Long story short I knew some people who said their friend had wrongly been accused and convicted of child molestation. CPS went to their house and talked with the parents. They were told that if their friend (who was a registered sex offender) hurt the children, they, the parents, would go to jail. They were aware they were allowing their children to be around a convicted molester. They were choosing to put their kids at risk.

 

Perhaps if your SIL gets a visit like that she will keep her kids away from him.

post #29 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy Alden View Post


Sorry, I meant to say a registered sex offender with an incorrect address.  Three sick kids and little to no sleep muddles ones brain a bit, huh!

 


All right then, totally understand. thumb.gif

 

post #30 of 213

Ornery- how hurtful for you to lose a friend over this :( It takes alot to do the right thing, at the risk of losing people we love and care about. I was glad to read you still keep in contact with the children.

post #31 of 213

Something to remember... depending on what the charges were, he may or may not be prohibited from being around certain children. For example, if his conviction was based on assault of a girl, he will likely not be considered a danger to boys. And vice-versa.

 

And yes, he may have informed his PO of his new address, and the website simply hasn't been updated yet.

 

I would likely keep my kids away, and inform your nephews' father. It's on him what action to take from there.

post #32 of 213

I might sound bad, but if she is knowingly dating and marring a pedophile I have to wonder about her overall parental judgement.  

 

http://crime.about.com/od/sex/p/pedophile.htm  she needs to see this

post #33 of 213

****Sexual abuse trigger*******

 

A convicted sex offender and people want reserve judgment?  Wow, just wow.  Hey, my mom took that attitude with my aunt's second husband.  After all, it was a vicious divorce, the girls who accused him, his former step daughters were almost old enough (12, 13, and 14).  Those awful girls ruined his life, he got 12 months parole, they had to move away from the town where they grew up because everyone "knew" he was innocent.  Then he molested my cousins (they were 8 and 9) and me.  

 

He'd still be free and out there molesting girls if my step dad hadn't come into my life and realized there something wrong.  My cousins and I went through an investigation, medical exams, endless questioning, and a trial.  I can't begin to tell you how horrible, humiliating, and terrifying the experience for us.  To walk down the street at the age of 11 and have everyone in my home town know I had been sexually abused. Three years of my life was wrecked by that man, one of my cousins has never recovered.  At least I didn't live with him and there were times I was safe and happy.  My step dad took one look at him around young girls and could tell something was wrong.  He's the one who took me the doctor, called a therapist and called the police.  It took a therapist to make my mom believe me and I had been telling her for two years,

 

But, hey give the guy the benefit of the doubt because there are so many falsely accused child molesters out there and we all know sexual predators never lie.

 

Op- Call the cops, if he is a register sex offender, there are probably conditions to his release and he may be breaking them by being around minors.  Call the kids' dad, call CPS, and don't cut the kids off.  Make sure they have you to turn if he is an offender.

post #34 of 213

I think is is sickening that so many people are sticking up for this creep. THIS is why so many children get molested and these B@$&@%ds never have any repercussions of it! When it comes to something this serious the children should get the benefit of the doubt period. Even if some people are innocent that get charged I would think that a lot more go free.

 

This man is convicted and we should give him the benefit of the doubt? Hell no. I am on that poor little girls side that he attacked. I am also for calling any and every authority you can and making sure your nephews are safe.

post #35 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lakeeffectsnow View Post

But, hey give the guy the benefit of the doubt because there are so many falsely accused child molesters out there and we all know sexual predators never lie.

 



I think that's whats killing me.  I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt in lots of situations.  But, a convicted pedophile living with children?  Not a chance.  I'm not willing to take that risk.  Lakeeffectsnow, your stepdad is awesome.  These boys need someone like him in their lives.

post #36 of 213

This is a horrible situation to be in Anglen. You have had a lot of advise so far on here. What do you think you are going to do?

post #37 of 213

My Best friends Ex spent 9 MONTHS for repeatedly raping his step daughter over 9 years AND filming it. He was sentenced 7 years after a plea and then got work release and parole for good behaviour. He gets out in July. Was setenced in December. Spent 1 year locked up after his arrest...they counted THAT time.

 

The amount of time served in no way coorelated to the crime commited any longer, not the pleas and parole.

 

 

 

 

post #38 of 213

I would be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt-- if not for the fact that he hid this from your sister.  Someone falsely convicted is going to be out and loud about it, I sure would if falsely accused and convicted of something so disgusting.  I would not shut up and would be screaming from rooftops for everyone to hear.  So the fact that he was secretive about this even up to the point of cohabitating is a huge red flag to me.  Do not have any contact with this man nor let your children have contact.  You can report to CPS but I'm not sure what they can do about it, it depends on the conditions of his parole/ release.

post #39 of 213


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lakeeffectsnow View Post
But, hey give the guy the benefit of the doubt because there are so many falsely accused child molesters out there and we all know sexual predators never lie.


First, I'm so, so happy that you've been able to move on in your life. Much of my adult life has been consumed from recovery from sexual abuse. 

 

Second, I feel the same way about the above-quoted post. Proving sexual abuse is so incredibly difficult that the idea that there are tons of men out there in prison falsely is absurd. I also don't buy that men are so "confused" or "scared" that they plead guilty to sexual assault of a child just to "get it over with." 

 

post #40 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post

 

I'm surprised that so many poster say that these things are often made up and blown out of proportion, and that SIL's fiance might not be a pedophile. There is no reason to give them the benefit of the doubt. Behind them, they leave a path of destruction, hurt, and permanent damage.



Me too. 

 

Count me in the camp that grew up with adults looking the other way/not wanting to rock the boat/didn't want to believe so-and-so was capable to abuse.  Pedophiles target women (or men) that are going to give them easy access to their prey.  

 

What is going on with the OP's SIL that on the very day she learns about his past, she moves her stuff into his house?!?!?  HUGE red flag.   

 

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