3 1/2 yo hitting at the end of nursing

[meggoeliz]

I am tandem nursing my 3 1/2 yo son and 1 1/2 yo daughter.  I always thought I would CLW, but am having major difficulties with it for the last month or so.  My oldest has always had a very high need level.  Up until a couple months ago he was nursing like 6x/day or pretty much on demand.  I thought that cutting him back to 3x/day would help me, but he has started hitting, scratching at the end of each nursing.  I know that he would still love to nurse WAY more than I allow him to, but I just can't do it.  It started feeling uncomfortable to me- not sure why.  I try to tell myself "this is your baby," but that doesn't seem to help.  I feel violated in some way.  I think this feeling started before the hitting, but I really can't remember.  Maybe it is because I don't know anyone (even in La Leche) who has a 3 1/2 yo who still wants to nurse all the time.  I just cannot wrap my head around his need level at 3 1/2.  I really don't want to wean him,  He truly still needs to nurse.  Has anyone else struggled with nursing an older child?  Has anyone else had their toddler hit them when nursing stops?  Has anyone else become resentful of their child's need level?  I feel like our nursing relationship has become very adversarial how do I reclaim it and make it positive again?

~ Megan

[NannyMcPhee]

I weaned my 3 1/4 year old about a year ago for many of the same reasons. It was hard and I felt bad, but in the end it was the best thing I could do.  I did start to feel almost ''violated'' or ''assaulted''. Of course I knew rationally this wasn't true, but it just wasn't working for US anymore. If he could of he would of sat in my lap and nursed like a newborn all day.

The weaning was hard. He told me I was a bad mum and he hated me and I didn't love him. But honestly, the couple of nights of that happening was well worth the not feeling like my own child was assaulting me.  HE is happy. I am happy. And you know what? WE did really, really good. 3 1/4 years is amazing and I will be forever proud and forever thankful of our nursing relationship.  I am also happy that we are done.

[Magali]

My nursing relationship with my 2.5 year old ended with me trying to nightwean him and me getting a bloody nose at 3 am.  From a head butt, not a hit, but I am sure there was hitting ivolved too :(  I was so upset and decided that we were not going to just nightwean, we were going to wean altogether.  I always thought I would do CLW but i wasn't happy with the very frequent nightwakings going on 3 years and I had tried a few times to just nightwean because our daytime nursing wasn't so bad.  But my son was all or nothing and I chose nothing.  I don't regret cutting him off before he chose to stop.  CLW is a beautiful thing, but if nursing is making you feel uncomfortable then, IMO, don't beat yourself up and stop because you factor into the relationship too.

Our weaning went very well.  After the head butt, I cut him off.  And he cried for a few minutes and fell asleep.  A few times the next day he tried to nurse and I told him gently "no".  I felt bad that our last nursing ended to violently and did regret that a bit.  But that night he somehow wiggled my breast out of my shirt and I awoke to him peacefully nursing away.  I didn't stop him then.  And that ended up being the last time he nursed, and I felt so much better that now our last nursing was a beautiful, peaceful, cozy event.

[meggoeliz]

Thank you for your responses.  It helped me clarify things a bit.  I really do NOT want to wean yet.  I am not ready for that part of our relationship to be over.  Mostly because I know he is in no way ready.  I know we can get through this.  I also know that the hitting and physically aggressive response is not specific to the end of nursing, it is kind of his MO right now.  Weaning would not make this go away and I think it is mostly a result of my limiting his nursings.  I think that if I were to wean him, this resentment would creep into our relationship in another way.  I need help in turning my mindset about nursing into a positive.

~Megan