Offering Neighbor Baby the Gift of My Milk

[OpenMama]

Last week a neighbor that I'm friendly with asked me if I'd watch her 2-month-old for a few hours while she had oral surgery of some kind.  At first, I hesitated, because the baby is so young - I wasn't sure how he'd do away from his mama for so long.  I was a little uncomfortable with the idea, but I guess the surgery is kind of an emergency (she's having it tomorrow) and she's in a lot of pain.

Anyway, I agreed and assumed that I'd be feeding the baby expressed breast milk in some way but I guess she is not nursing and the baby is on imitation baby milk.  She said she'd make up a couple of bottles for me to feed the baby if he becomes hungry.  Needless to say, I am unnerved by this.

I've never fed a baby from a container or "bottle" and I don't know how to prepare IBM.  It all seems very awkward and foreign to me, and to tell you the truth I am pretty sure it would make me sad to feed a LO like this.  I am wondering if you think it would be okay to just nurse the baby while I have him (I am nursing my baby who is a few months older?)  I know for sure I do not have any diseases, and I am not on any medications.  I just feel so sorry for this baby, not having the goodness of mama milk, and I think I could benefit him in some small way by offering him my liquid gold.  I would even be willing to hand express for him if he no longer has his natural latching instincts intact.

I don't want to overstep my boundaries with the mother, though, or seem weird.  Do you think she'd be okay with me nursing her LO while she's away?  Should I even tell her?  Like I said, I know for a fact that I am disease and drug free so I am definitely not worried about that.  But, I know my milk is made specifically for my baby's particular needs and age, so I wonder if my milk is okay for the younger baby - although I assume it's got to be better than IBM which is essentially produced for cows.  I assume she'd be grateful to have me feed her baby the normal way, but you never know if she will get defensive or feel badly that for whatever reason her baby is on IBM.  I just don't know if I can do the whole bottle feeding ordeal.  I want to be helpful.  What would you advise?

[HappyMommy2]

remember not to feed the trolls

[PatioGardener]

nm

Edited by PatioGardener - 4/11/11 at 8:40am

[ciga]

I hate to say it but I wouldn't even go there.  My son was EBFed and I hate the idea of formula too but I know that I would be pretty pissed if someone other than maybe my sister nursed my child without my permission and its hard to think of a way to ask if you can nurse someone's baby without stepping on toes.  It would basically be like you telling her she's made the wrong choice for her child and is essentially a bad mama.   Maybe she'd be totally fine with it but there's a better chance that she wouldn't.

[expat-mama]

I would never ever feed anything to a baby I had been asked to care for without permission of the mom. Can you imagine how you would feel if someone did that to your baby? I'd be Very Angry!

If the baby is formula fed and the mother gave you formula to feed it, that's what you should feed it. I don't see the problem other than that YOU would feel sad about it.  The mother has made a choice for her baby for whatever reason and that should be respected, period. Yes, it's sad that this baby will not have the social and health advantages of being breastfed, but it's not your place to try to change that and really, being breastfed by you once or twice will not make a difference.

Putting myself in the other mamas place, I would be REALLY upset if someone tried to nurse my baby without permission and off-put by the blatant disrespect of my parenting choices. Preparing formula bottles is not difficult, if you want to help your friend just listen to the directions you are given and take care of baby! It's not a big deal, I don't see the problem.
 

[tinuviel_k]

I mean this gently. Nope, no way. The way this mama has chosen to feed her baby is absolutely none of your business.

I wouldn't even voice your offer to nurse or beastfeed for her baby, as she is fine with her own parenting choices and her baby is being loved and nourished by her, even if you personally don't feel good about the method. And there is NO WAY I'd ever go behind anyone's back to nurse their baby without their permission. That is wrong in several different levels. It would show a lack of respect for the mama, a disregard of boundaries, and a breach of trust.

If it really makes you too sad to feed this baby a bottle while his mama is in surgury then you are better off telling the mama that she needs to find someone else to watch him. But I would think twice about telling her why because she will feel that you are judging her choices, and that is not something she needs on her plate right before sugury.

If you can watch the baby explain to the mama that you need to watch her prepare and feed a bottle as you have never done it before. Try not to let your own precertions get in the way: no doubt this baby is loved, cherished, and is being well fed even if not from breastmilk.

[mom2happy]

If she wanted to breastfeed, she would have.

I would FLIP out if someone else nursed my baby, unless I asked.

I mean FLIP!!

I can totally understand why you feel sad that the baby is FF and will feel guilty giving the baby a bottle, but it's not your place to "make things right" for that baby.

I know the feeling you have. I always feel sad when I see a little baby who should have human milk, but I also know there are major boundaries when it comes to sharing fluids.

[oaktreemama]

I've never fed a baby from a container or "bottle" and I don't know how to prepare IBM.  It all seems very awkward and foreign to me, and to tell you the truth I am pretty sure it would make me sad to feed a LO like this.  I am wondering if you think it would be okay to just nurse the baby while I have him (I am nursing my baby who is a few months older?)  I know for sure I do not have any diseases, and I am not on any medications.  I just feel so sorry for this baby, not having the goodness of mama milk, and I think I could benefit him in some small way by offering him my liquid gold.

Oh come on. This HAS to be a troll. I mean really? No way there is this much self righteousness contained in one post unless it is a joke.

[Monarchgrrl]

Originally Posted by mom2happy 

If she wanted to breastfeed, she would have.

Definitely not always true. There are many mamas that DESPERATELY want to breastfeed and can't. You don't know the neighbor's issue or why she's not breastfeeding.

[SeattleRain]

Um, bottles are BOTTLES not "bottles." There is nothing wrong with a baby being fed out of a bottle. There is nothing sad about a baby being fed from a bottle. You raise your child, and feed your child as you see fit, and she'll do the same for hers. If you\ really want to help her, feed her baby what she wants to feed the baby, don't in ject your own  feelings into it.Sorry,baby is climbing all over th keyoard.

[weliveintheforest]

I would not nurse someone else's baby without permission. I've bottle fed babies and it's really not that sad, it's not your baby and it's what this baby is used to and will want.

Chances are, the baby would not latch on to your breast anyway.  

[MamitaM]

I nurse my son and donate my milk to babies who need it and I think breast milk is great and all mamas should try and nurse. I'd NEVER ever nurse a baby or feed it my milk in a bottle or any other "container" unless the mama of that baby gave me permission. That's just so very,very wrong and really oversteps some serious boundaries.

She's asking you to make formula. I don't like formula, but it isn't like she's giving you Pepsi and telling you to feed the baby that. If you can't mix it then ask the mama to mix it for you and all you do is shake it up a little before the feeding.

If I ever saw another woman nurse my son or give them their breast milk they'd be getting a good smack down.

I really hope this is a troll b/c it scares me there are some mamas like this around.

[happyhippie]

what is a troll?

Is this post bs? You must be kidding me? 

[MamitaM]

A troll is someone who visits a forum to make bs threads or just to cause trouble.

[mom2happy]

Originally Posted by Monarchgrrl 

Definitely not always true. There are many mamas that DESPERATELY want to breastfeed and can't. You don't know the neighbor's issue or why she's not breastfeeding.

Very true. I was typing too fast and not thinking.

Im sorry and didn't mean to insult.

I was just  picturing my neices and nephew as babies and remembering my SIL saying how disgusting she thought breastfeeding was.

I also have many friends who chose to let their milk dry up and it couldnt happen fast enough for them.

Besides that......

Even if I were that neighbor and couldn't breastfeed, I wouldnt want someone else breastfeeding my child.

[MamitaM]

I'm all for the wonderful gift of milksharing, but you do NOT share with those who don't want it and go behind their backs and do it anyway. It doesn't matter if you are super healthy or whatever, what if you eat something that baby can't handle and it makes him have a bad reaction? What are you supposed to tell the mother then? Would you lie and say it was the formula or come clean and say you gave the baby your milk? If you were caught or had to admit you nursed the baby or gave him your milk you could be in legal trouble. Heck, if I found out someone nursed my son or gave him their breast milk I'd report them!

[littlegreenlady]

There is also the possibility that the baby will be allergic to something you eat.

My son had soy, dairy, and wheat allergies that were very painful and alarming.

I had to restrict my diet, and even the slightest bit of deviation (a tiny bit of soy in a sauce etc) resulted in a reaction.

in our case a reaction included inability to sleep, constant screaming, and blood in his stool amongst other things.

[MamitaM]

Maybe the mom does nurse, but wants to use formula when the baby is at a babysitters or she supplements with it b/c her supply is low.

[trumpcard]

Imagine the situation were reversed and you left expressed milk for your baby and another mama wanted to give your baby the "gift" of iron fortified formula.

I know how I would feel.

[NWnewmom]

Originally Posted by trumpcard 

Imagine the situation were reversed and you left expressed milk for your baby and another mama wanted to give your baby the "gift" of iron fortified formula.

I know how I would feel.

I would never feed a baby something without asking the parent(s) first.  She is trusting you with her 2 month old, you should respect her wishes.