What REALLY worked?

[EchoSoul]

I had my ideas when I was pregnant; things I was going to do when we had our son.. wasn't going to use formula unless necessary(like I couldn't produce, or wasn't producing enough breast milk), I was going to use flat diapers in a diaper cover, wasn't going to use a pacifier, was going to do EC full-time......

Then I gave birth on the 31st, and he was discharged on April 2nd, and I realized what I wanted to do, wasn't going to work out, at least not right away. I breastfeed during the day, but formula-feed at night because it holds him over longer so I can get more sleep(haven't had a full night's sleep since the night of the 30th...), and along with that, broke my promise and gave him his pacifier from the hospital last night while I warmed up the formula because it stops him screaming and because he's not screaming, I don't get so frustrated at 3, 5, 7 am etc...

EC isn't working out; we can't make it to the bathroom in time, and I'm too exhausted to run back and forth. And I've been using disposables until his umbilical cord falls off so I won't have to worry about diaper covers covering his cord and impairing it healing.

So I'm curious..what did you want to do while pregnant, but wound up changing after your little one was born?

[Jaimee]

I know this isn't the intent of your post, but I wanted to offer you some support if you'd like some ideas to help with your original goals of EC, EBF, CDing, etc.  Let me know!  And congrats on the birth of your baby! 

[EchoSoul]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

I know this isn't the intent of your post, but I wanted to offer you some support if you'd like some ideas to help with your original goals of EC, EBF, CDing, etc.  Let me know!  And congrats on the birth of your baby! 

Advice would be great! I feel like, getting into this new routine, that I lost my focus on HOW I was going to do everything. It seemed so simple inside my head! In practice it is different.

[kawa kamuri]

I haven't had a full nights sleep since 1994 

YMMV but I've found that co-sleeping and nursing while side-lying are the only ways to go. If BF is important to you and there no issues preventing you from doing so (other than being a sleep deprived new mama) I advise throwing the formula and paci away.

EC and CD can take a hot minute to get down. Go easy on yourself, make it your #1 job to get in bed and nurse the baby.  

Congratulations! 

[Jaimee]

The first thing I would do is prioritize your goals and focus on each one at a time.  An order that might make sense to you would be breastfeeding, cloth diapering, then ECing.

Breastfeeding:  In the first 6 weeks or so postpartum, your body is building its milk supply.  It does this by creating more and more prolactin receptors each time the breast is stimulated to release milk.  This happens most efficiently at night.  So by supplementing with formula at night during this 6 week period you could be greatly impacting your milk supply for the rest of your breastfeeding career.  I know that it is extremely hard to adjust to nightwakings.  Believe me, I know.  I've gone without long blocks of sleep now for five years.  It gets easier.  It does!  You will be surprised just how little sleep you can learn to function on.  And this stage won't last forever, either.  It's quite brief in the scheme of things.  Take naps whenever you can and get help whenever you can.  Are you co-sleeping or bedsharing?  If not, experiment with different sleeping arrangements that allow you minimally wake up in order to feed your baby.  I bedshared with both of mine and it so nice just to roll over and offer the breast- side nursing is wonderful and allows me to fall asleep while nursing.  Plus, baby hardly wakes and therefore goes back to sleep much easier.  Once your milk supply is established, you could consider pumping milk so that someone else can feed the baby at one of the night feedings, allowing you to get a little more sleep.  But consider how much sleep you are losing by getting up to prepare formula and the distress it causes you and baby (who you said cries while he's waiting).  This would eliminate the need for the paci during these times as well.

Cloth diapering: It is very common for parents to part time cloth diaper in the beginning.  You could start by adding in a few cloth diapers during the day, but continue to use sposies at night and on outings.  Then as you get the hang of it and feel more settled in your mama routine, transition to full cloth.  Flats and covers are a fine system, but they will need more frequent changing and they aren't the easiest to deal with at night especially if poop is involved as it often is for the first 1-2 months.  Consider investing in a few convenience diapers like bumgenius 4.0's.  Remember, you will always save money using cloth! For more cloth diapering advice please see my cd 101 seminar on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/JaimeeGleisner?feature=mhum

EC: It is also very common to part time EC and it's okay if you start a little later so that you're not stressing about this while trying to reach your breastfeeding and cloth diapering goals.  We started with ds when he was 4 months old.  Many ECer's make use of a pot, the sink or a small potty instead of running to the toilet each time.  I recommend the small Baby Bjorn potty or even better the Ikea potty, which is only $4.  Any potty time is good, any catches are great!  Don't focus on the misses.  Remember that EC is all about communication with your little one and if you are communicating stress and frustration, that's not helpful to either of you.

This mama gig is not any easy one!  Be gentle with yourself, ease into it, get help when you can, and seek support when you need it.  I recommend La Leche League meetings as a great place to meet some like minded mamas.

Good luck! 

[lilacvioletiris]

Great recommendations to prioritize what is most important when developing a routine after the baby is born.  Breastfeed first.  Cloth diaper second after breastfeeding is figured out.  EC as it comes.  Like the OP said, as I think about having a little one I have ideas in my head but the rubber really meets the road once that baby is in the world in our arms!

[EchoSoul]

I do notice when I wake up in the morning, my shirt and the bedsheets are soaked. I know milk comes in faster with rest, so I figured I was doing good by resting my body. I feel that I essentially go dry with too many feedings and that my milk needs to build up again. But I cannot deny how much easier it is to direct his head to my breast and struggle a few mere seconds for him to latch, rather than minutes waiting for the formula to warm. It's frustrating; and his hungry cry is so heart-wrenching. I've also been formula feeding at night in case there are nutritional gaps in my milk. I'm not eating balanced meals, as sometimes things come up when I'm about to eat anyway.

He sleeps in a cradle next to me in bed. I was co-sleeping, but the more exhausted I got with the passing days, the more nervous my fiance became that it was creating a dangerous situation. His body seems to be adjusting to breast feeding - I pump my milk so other family can partake in feeding him, and earlier when my mom fed him while I napped, he apparently finished the bottle in 15 minutes. All 4 ounces. Then was hungry 5 minutes later when I took over the diaper change - screamed in hunger so I breast fed him until he was satisfied.

As far as the diapers..I realize now why the more expensive systems are more popular. I figured, heading into this, I could fold a flat diaper around him - no problem! ..I didn't realize how squirmy infants are, and how tortured he sounds when I change him. Now I realize why AIOs, AI2s, pocket diapers, contours, etc etc...are more popular, especially for the little stages. Now I figure the cheapest method is a tri-folded prefold in a cover. But the problem there is, as someone mentioned, he blows right through the prefold(I've actually put a prefold IN a disposable), it holds the urine no problem, but the poo? Goodness.... But again, I fear heading into any diaper system where I may not be able to fold down the top to avoid his umbilical cord. I also don't have the money to try out different systems. Some brands work for some babies, but not for others, and I can't afford to shuffle through what may or may not work. I've got two medium-sized GPants - I didn't bother getting the smaller size because I figure he'd be in them for such a short period of time it wasn't worth it -  and I've been looking into Thirsties Duo Wraps which I'd have to order online since they are not available anywhere close by in store. Perhaps instead a contour diaper in a diaper wrap would beat the poo, but again, I hesitate because some diapering methods and brands work with some babies, and not others.

Oh, and for the EC.. I know having something portable and close by is a HUGE help. ...I just lack in having anything like that. Labor kinda sprung up on us, we weren't expecting him for another week and a half. I know our baby can do EC - I take off his diaper during feedings and he won't eliminate without the diaper on unless it's been so long and he loses control - I experimented, and fed him with the diaper under him, but not fastened, and he eliminated in it. So right now he's associating the diaper with his place of elimination.

Edited by EchoSoul - 4/12/11 at 2:29pm

[Monarchgrrl]

I had so many plans before DD was born. She sure showed me pretty quick that she doesn't care about my plans. ;)

Of course I would EBF. I have breasts. Riiiiiiight. I was able to barely make it to one month. We had many issues (too many to list out here), but her getting breastmilk was my #1 priority, come hell or highwater, so we powered through for one month, and then my supply was up enough for me to exclusively pump. She hasn't gotten any formula and I still pump 8 times a day and in the middle of the night, even though she STTN. I even received donated breast milk when my supply dropped one day out of the blue. I power pumped for days to get it back up (and did all the other natural milk-increasing things I could). EPing is SO much harder than just nursing (well for normal nursers). I agree with the PP, throw out the formula and nurse on demand. You will adjust to the night wakings. I would also suggest stop pumping and giving bottles right now too. I wouldn't introduce those until at least 6 weeks, until the nursing relationship is well established. The more he drinks from a bottle, the harder it can be to latch properly on the breast. Also, pretty soon he might get frustrated that your milk doesn't come out as fast as a bottle and he might refuse to nurse altogether. You will get MORE sleep soon if you stick with nursing and not have to do bottles. And remember: this stage won't last forever.

I wasn't going to introduce a pacifier. Well, with the nursing issues, I couldn't take her comfort sucking on top of it and she had a very high suck need. We still use a pacifier, but only when sleeping.

We planned to co-sleep full time. We didn't buy a crib or a co-sleeper. DD had different ideas. She slept horribly with us. She would get very overheated and be restless and wake constantly. As soon as we got her out of our bed (and into first a swing, then a pack n play) she started STTN, at 6 weeks.

I hadn't planned on PPD. That shook everything up for the first few months.

I was going to CD from day one. We decided right away to just use sposies until the cord fell off. It worked well. BUT then DD wouldn't accept the cloth and didn't like being wet. It took trying for 6 weeks before she was in cloth 100% of the time. But I figure, 6 weeks part time cloth and then full time after that is great. We use Thirsties during the week and just a folded prefold in a cover on the weekends. The belly button will heal soon and you can go with your flat or prefolds and covers then. Don't beat yourself up about this stuff.

The only thing that did go as planned was my homebirth. Of course, it was different than I had pictured and hurt MUCH worse, but that went as planned, thank goodness.

I've learned to do what I can with the plans I had vs. what DD wants/needs. It's the biggest lesson I've had to learn (so far- HA!). She's teaching me as we go along, not the other way around. ;)

Edited by Monarchgrrl - 4/12/11 at 3:56pm

[Yuba_River]

Congratulations on your new baby!

Even if your diet is not perfect, your milk is still the perfect food for your baby. Your milk will always have what your little one needs, so don't feel like you need to supplement with formula just in case. Just keep nursing!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[L J]

I had a really, really hard time getting any sleep after my son was born, because I just couldn't get the hang of sleeping with him in our bed or nursing while lying down. Its hard those first few weeks, with a tiny baby who has no head control and engorged breasts. That was more than 4 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. It was not the greatest period of my life, or of my experience of being a mom. But, the good news is, it gets a LOT easier, and it does so pretty fast! By the time he was 6 or 7 months old, he was nursing at night without me having any real memory of even pulling my shirt up, and I was sleeping nicely again. It got easier progressively, but really, by his half birthday, we had it down. It is going to make it a lot easier on you in the long run if you don't supplement right now, in order to build and maintain the right supply for your child. I know its hard mama; no one ever really tells you just HOW hard those first few weeks are, but I promise you, the sleep thing gets easier.

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by EchoSoul 

As far as the diapers..I realize now why the more expensive systems are more popular. I figured, heading into this, I could fold a flat diaper around him - no problem! ..I didn't realize how squirmy infants are, and how tortured he sounds when I change him. Now I realize why AIOs, AI2s, pocket diapers, contours, etc etc...are more popular, especially for the little stages. Now I figure the cheapest method is a tri-folded prefold in a cover. But the problem there is, as someone mentioned, he blows right through the prefold(I've actually put a prefold IN a disposable), it holds the urine no problem, but the poo? Goodness.... But again, I fear heading into any diaper system where I may not be able to fold down the top to avoid his umbilical cord. I also don't have the money to try out different systems. Some brands work for some babies, but not for others, and I can't afford to shuffle through what may or may not work. I've got two medium-sized GPants - I didn't bother getting the smaller size because I figure he'd be in them for such a short period of time it wasn't worth it -  and I've been looking into Thirsties Duo Wraps which I'd have to order online since they are not available anywhere close by in store. Perhaps instead a contour diaper in a diaper wrap would beat the poo, but again, I hesitate because some diapering methods and brands work with some babies, and not others.

It is absolutely true that not all diaper types/brands work for all babies.  But there are some types/brands that work for almost every baby and those are the ones I would start with.  I seriously doubt you will be disappointed with bumGenius 4.0's (though they may not fit right now- maybe in a couple weeks) or Thirsites duodiapers.  I also doubt you'll be disappointed with Fuzzi Bunz Perfect Fit diapers.  My advice is to sell your little g-pants and buy better diapers.  G-pants are expensive and certainly not better than other types of covers, in fact they are worse.  To buy, sell, and trade diapers and diapering accessories, check out www.diaperswappers.com.  It's a forum like MDC, but for cloth diapering.  There is also an excellent section on EC.  You will be able to purchase used Kissaluv fitteds, used prefolds, used covers, etc. for a fraction of the cost of buying them new.  Also, there are some stores (even online) that offer trial packages.  You pay a trial fee and return the diapers if you don't like them or purchase them if you do.  Oh, and Craig's List!

Definitely post in "finding your tribe" here on MDC and on diaperswappers (I think it's called "the locals" over there) and see if there is anyone near you who is also cloth diapering.  Many CDers are happy to let you borrow a dipe or two to try out. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yuba_River 

Even if your diet is not perfect, your milk is still the perfect food for your baby. Your milk will always have what your little one needs, so don't feel like you need to supplement with formula just in case. Just keep nursing!

   And I highly recommend going to a La Leche League meeting in your area.  Here is the link to Michigan groups: http://www.llli.org/web/michigan.html.  The ladies at LLL meetings will be able to assist you with breastfeeding issues and give you great tips and advice.  Usually LLL members are very friendly and open individuals that will share many of your parenting goals.  It will likely be a great place to network with other mamas so you can get more support.

[Jaimee]

I forgot to mention....
 

Originally Posted by EchoSoul 
Oh, and for the EC.. I know having something portable and close by is a HUGE help. ...I just lack in having anything like that.

You can just use a large bowl!  No need to get fancy!  :)
 

[sweeetpea]

Originally Posted by kawa kamuri 

I haven't had a full nights sleep since 1994 

YMMV but I've found that co-sleeping and nursing while side-lying are the only ways to go. If BF is important to you and there no issues preventing you from doing so (other than being a sleep deprived new mama) I advise throwing the formula and paci away.

EC and CD can take a hot minute to get down. Go easy on yourself, make it your #1 job to get in bed and nurse the baby.  

Congratulations! 

I totally agree that co-sleeping and side-lying nursing is a life saver!  My first was a preemie and she and I *never* figured out how to nurse in that position, but when her brothers came along, it was a sanity saver to have them in bed with me and be able to sleep while they nursed.  Or at least be horizontal.  And I am also another with YEARS of interrupted sleep due to babies feeding, kids crying, wet beds, sick little ones, someone snoring....  A full night sleep just does not happen when you are a mom.  I am thankful (and functional) when I get four straight hours.

[thencamehenry]

Give yourself a break! I was a perfect mom... in my head... before I actually had a baby. These days go by so fast, so enjoy them. Shut out all the unimportant stuff and just get to know your baby and follow your instincts.

Breastfeeding is a great way to bond, and right now I would advise that you make that your only priority. Lots of moms start CD and EC a few weeks or months in. But you can't put BF off for a few months. The sooner you eliminate formula the better your supply will be.

I know it's hard in the first few weeks. Take it a day at a time or a feeding at a time. By 6 weeks it gets a lot easier and by three months it's a piece of cake for most moms. Don't underestimate your need to recover. In the first few weeks my only job was to nurse. If you have help don't be afraid to use them for everything else. And if you don't have much help, it's ok to let things slide. I could never work out nursing on my side but I did get a travel neck pillow that let me nod off in a chair during late night feedings. You will be amazed by what your body can do. My son started STTN at 12 mos and I look back now and wonder how I functioned on so little sleep, but you just do.

Sleep when the baby sleeps! Good luck! And kellymom.com is a great resource for all your BF questions and troubleshooting.

[EchoSoul]

Thanks all! He's already made great strides with breast feeding. A week ago I was lucky if I could get him to breast feed twice a day. But ever since a couple days ago he breast feeds for every single feeding except for the 12 or 1 am feeding, because I essentially feel I've run dry. So daddy gives him his 12 or 1 am bottle, and by the time he wakes up, my supply is good again, and YES, I have been nursing at night! We also had our first outing yesterday. My parents took me, our baby, my fiance, and his parents out to dinner. I dropped one bottle and one one-serving formula packet into the diaper bag just in case, but I had determination to nurse him when he was hungry, and our baby nursed right underneath the table at my breast, and I didn't even need to train his tongue before it! Side-laying may not work. Granted, I only tried it once, but I couldn't figure it out since I still have to direct his head to my breast, and after he's had a bottle, I have to train his tongue before breast feeding. So I just take him out of his cradle and put him on my lap, which he's familiar with, and he nurses that way. You all were right; it's a load less stressful than struggling with a squirmy, crying baby, and waiting for the formula to warm. I don't get frustrated with him this way, and that in itself makes me feel like a far better parent. I signed up at diaperswappers and I've been checking out craigslist. There aren't a lot of offerings on craigslist anywhere that's real close-by, but I'll keep checking. Thanks for the advice!

[thencamehenry]

I'm glad things are looking up!

[Yuba_River]

That's great! Glad things are going so well. As far as side-lying, that will get easier as he grows. I think with my first, I didn't really get the hang of it for a couple of months.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jaimee]

Yay!  Glad to hear things are improving!  And yay for NIP! 

Yes, side lying nursing takes some practice.  It really helps to have someone who knows how to do it come over and assist you getting into a good position.  It was my experience that as soon as I was confident dd followed along.  With ds, I knew what I was doing and I just did it- so did he.  I've shown a few of my friends how to do it and now they are pros.  Keep trying and if you can, get some assistance.  Would your insurance cover a lactation consultant?  Some will even come out to your house and give you tips. 

As for drying up at that one night feeding, I would still put him to the breast and I bet there's more in there than you think.  Plus you will start to produce more in just a day... it's supply and demand.  Drink some Mother's Milk tea and eat oatmeal for breakfast, too.  Trust that your body can do this! 

[EchoSoul]

I still put him to the breast, and he nurses for an hour and then screams in hunger 5 minutes later. Normally he's satiated after nursing for 10-15 minutes. He's never been insistent on staying attached for so long and then screaming in hunger afterwards at any other time :/ Oh, there was something else I forgot to add, which I had plans on doing, what found out didn't quite work. I sewed a bunch of cloth wipes; not realizing, even as thin as I made them, that they were STILL too thick! I didn't realize just how tiny those crevices are!

[Italiamom]

To answer your original post, I thought that I would have an easier time of nursing than I did.  I breastfed my son exclusively for almost 7 months, and he still occasionally breastfeeds at 2 years of age.  But gosh darn, it was HARD in the beginning, so much harder than I thought it would be.  I guess I just had these grand plans that I was so "prepared."

I thought that I would never bedshare.  No WAY was I sharing my bed.  I have a hard enough time sharing it with DH!  But my little man didn't want to be next to the bed...  He wanted to be attached to the boob, 24/7.  So out of necessity we bedshared, and we still bedshare.  It's not ideal for me, but it's what works best for the kiddo.  Totally un-AP, I know!  I had just thought that being right next to the bed would be good enough...  And it just wasn't.

Originally Posted by EchoSoul 

I know milk comes in faster with rest, so I figured I was doing good by resting my body. I feel that I essentially go dry with too many feedings and that my milk needs to build up again.

Rest is important for supply, yes.  But not as important as nursing, nursing, nursing!  One thing that I guess I thought before having a real, live baby, is that I would get more breaks in the nursing.  No one told me, but it is totally NORMAL to breastfeed practically nonstop until they're about 12 weeks old.  And now, of course, talking to other moms, they always say, "oh yeah, it was that way for me too..."  Go figure.

Around 12 weeks, they go through a growth spurt, and then their little tummies can hold a bit more.  But don't rely on the feel of the breasts to determine whether you've got milk.  When my little man was much littler, I would nurse him the morning, and then usually pump an extra 4-6 ounces when he was done.  By boobs felt empty, but they weren't, yk?

Originally Posted by EchoSoul 

Side-laying may not work. Granted, I only tried it once, but I couldn't figure it out since I still have to direct his head to my breast, and after he's had a bottle, I have to train his tongue before breast feeding.

Don't beat yourself up over this.  Side-lying nursing was a lifesaver for me, BUT, I didn't get the hang of it until he was probably 2 or 3 months old.  It just started to work better when he was a bit bigger.  Keep nursing as much as possible, and try again in a few weeks or months.
 

Originally Posted by EchoSoul 

I still put him to the breast, and he nurses for an hour and then screams in hunger 5 minutes later. Normally he's satiated after nursing for 10-15 minutes. He's never been insistent on staying attached for so long and then screaming in hunger afterwards at any other time :/

This might not be it at all, but my DS used to do that when he needed to be burped more frequently.  You could always try short nurse, burp, short nurse, burp, and see if that helps...  Or it could be a growth spurt!!

Also, I didn't start with cloth.  I knew that I might be overwhelmed, and wanted to take things one step at a time.  We eased our way into it at about 4 months of age I think.  And I am SO glad I did it that way.  With another baby on the way, we'll start cloth right away with this one, but ONLY now that I know how it works, and what system I like.  But don't beat yourself up too much about it.  Any cloth is good cloth, and you can still see the financial (and ecological) rewards even if you start up at 3 or 4 months.