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First time parent who needs help dealing with advice from pediatrician - Page 2

post #21 of 41

Boo, I'm the "DH" referenced by Moonstones.  It's a bit awkward posting here, I feel like I'm walking into the women's restroom or something.  Nevertheless, I wanted to make a couple points:

 

1)  I appreciate all the advice offered and I know it all comes from a place of love, so thank you.  I'm glad my wife (or whatever two initial acronym you assign.."DW"?) has a community such as this to participate in.

 

2)  Yes, the pediatricians remarks have influence over me, but only in that she is an extensively trained medical doctor (/mother) who spends every day dealing with kids.  She is a very kind, caring person, and I respect her experience regarding the health of my child.  I do not, however, take everything she says at face value, but rather I take it into consideration.  I think her experience with kids and her medical training earns the right for this consideration.  Furthermore, neither I, nor my wife, have any of this experience or medical training, so I feel it a bit ignorant to dismiss what she says as complete conspiracy-driven fallacy and drop her for a different pediatrician who tells us everything we want to hear.

 

3)  It's true, we did initially find a great pediatrician who seemed to give more weight to alternative medicine, but we were paying 8-10 times more to see her.  I will admit that the decision to change pediatricians was heavily influenced by the financial reality, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.  If we had enough extra scratch to keep seeing the first pediatrician, I would have fully supported it.  But we didn't.  We did interview doctors from the two offices our insurance did cover at the lower rate, and I felt the doctor we currently see was a good choice.

 

4)  While the advice to lie to the pediatrician about the sleeping situation sounds the most comfortable of the options, I personally feel there is no need to lie.  I would hope that our doctor would respect our honesty, in fact.  I think (if it comes up again) if we just tell her we understand her concerns about the sleeping in the bed thing, but the baby is sleeping just fine, she will respect our decision.  I don't hold it against her (the Dr.) for telling us what she thinks about co-sleeping.  I'm sure she gets asked parenting advice from just about every parent she sees, so I don't think it's strange that she offers it up.  It doesn't mean we have to do what she says.

 

In the end, I want my child to have the best healthcare possible.  And I believe that this is achieved best by a reasonable balance of modern medicine and alternative medicine.  I believe they both have something important to offer.  So if our financial situation deems that we have to see a more affordable, albeit less-alternative doctor, then that's fine.  But we'll balance it by continuing to do our own research on vaccines and other issues as they arise.  Worst case scenario we know there is another doctor we can go to for a second opinion if there is a serious medical problem.

 

 

post #22 of 41
Quote:

Originally Posted by imadad View Post

4)  While the advice to lie to the pediatrician about the sleeping situation sounds the most comfortable of the options, I personally feel there is no need to lie.  I would hope that our doctor would respect our honesty, in fact.  I think (if it comes up again) if we just tell her we understand her concerns about the sleeping in the bed thing, but the baby is sleeping just fine, she will respect our decision.  I don't hold it against her (the Dr.) for telling us what she thinks about co-sleeping.  I'm sure she gets asked parenting advice from just about every parent she sees, so I don't think it's strange that she offers it up.  It doesn't mean we have to do what she says.

 

In the end, I want my child to have the best healthcare possible.  And I believe that this is achieved best by a reasonable balance of modern medicine and alternative medicine.  I believe they both have something important to offer.  So if our financial situation deems that we have to see a more affordable, albeit less-alternative doctor, then that's fine.  But we'll balance it by continuing to do our own research on vaccines and other issues as they arise.  Worst case scenario we know there is another doctor we can go to for a second opinion if there is a serious medical problem.

 

 

 

Hey there, I don't think anything you have said is wrong.  Your #4 is pretty much what I was recommending.  It's true that your doctor is highly knowledgeable about many things and deserves to be heard on those subjects.  I think what many of us were trying to communicate is that sleep issues are one area where doctors (with the exception of sleep specialists) actually have little to no formal training.  Her advice is probably not based in much more than her own experience and that of her friends and patients and things she's read, etc.  In other words, worth about as much as the opinions here at MDC!   There are other subjects on which doctors routinely repeat what they've read something or maybe had a couple of hours on in a class, but about which they have minimal actual education.  (Nutrition comes to mind as an immediate example.)  So you can indeed be selective about which of your doctors opinions deserve more weight than others.  If my doctor says a skin infection needs antibiotics NOW, I listen.  If she says my child needs to drink more milk to get enough calcium, I think about making sure she has enough calcium, but take the milk comment as merely "conventional wisdom".  I hope that makes sense. 

 

As for switching doctors, I don't believe it's necessary to see a doctor that agrees with you about everything.  We see a family practitioner with whom I have good rapport, but don't see eye-to-eye on everything.  I believe the rapport is key.  You *should* feel like you can be honest about things like co-sleeping and have that decision respected without getting a lecture.  My own doctor will hand me a prescription for something and tell me at what point i *must* have it filled.  She knows me well, and knows that I might be inclined to give nature a little more time than she would.  She respects that about me, and I respect her judgement about how long is too long to wait. 

 

We see a family practitioner, and I could not be happier.  She knows our whole family -- me and my husband, in addition to our kids.  It helps her understand when to be concerned about something and when not to, for example, and the fact that we interact with her and the office staff frequently between the 5 of us really adds to the comfort level we all feel with each other.  I don't know what your insurance provide for, but there probably are some family doctors who you could see if you or your wife are not completely comfortable with the pediatrition options.

 

In the end, what matters is that you, your wife, and your child's doctor all get along and are on more or less the same page in your approach to caring for your children.  What anyone else says -- doctor or opinionated moms alike -- is much less important.
 

 

post #23 of 41


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by imadad View Post

Boo, I'm the "DH" referenced by Moonstones.  It's a bit awkward posting here, I feel like I'm walking into the women's restroom or something.  Nevertheless, I wanted to make a couple points:

 

1)  I appreciate all the advice offered and I know it all comes from a place of love, so thank you.  I'm glad my wife (or whatever two initial acronym you assign.."DW"?) has a community such as this to participate in.

 

2)  Yes, the pediatricians remarks have influence over me, but only in that she is an extensively trained medical doctor (/mother) who spends every day dealing with kids.  She is a very kind, caring person, and I respect her experience regarding the health of my child.  I do not, however, take everything she says at face value, but rather I take it into consideration.  I think her experience with kids and her medical training earns the right for this consideration.  Furthermore, neither I, nor my wife, have any of this experience or medical training, so I feel it a bit ignorant to dismiss what she says as complete conspiracy-driven fallacy and drop her for a different pediatrician who tells us everything we want to hear.

 

3)  It's true, we did initially find a great pediatrician who seemed to give more weight to alternative medicine, but we were paying 8-10 times more to see her.  I will admit that the decision to change pediatricians was heavily influenced by the financial reality, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.  If we had enough extra scratch to keep seeing the first pediatrician, I would have fully supported it.  But we didn't.  We did interview doctors from the two offices our insurance did cover at the lower rate, and I felt the doctor we currently see was a good choice.

 

4)  While the advice to lie to the pediatrician about the sleeping situation sounds the most comfortable of the options, I personally feel there is no need to lie.  I would hope that our doctor would respect our honesty, in fact.  I think (if it comes up again) if we just tell her we understand her concerns about the sleeping in the bed thing, but the baby is sleeping just fine, she will respect our decision.  I don't hold it against her (the Dr.) for telling us what she thinks about co-sleeping.  I'm sure she gets asked parenting advice from just about every parent she sees, so I don't think it's strange that she offers it up.  It doesn't mean we have to do what she says.

 

In the end, I want my child to have the best healthcare possible.  And I believe that this is achieved best by a reasonable balance of modern medicine and alternative medicine.  I believe they both have something important to offer.  So if our financial situation deems that we have to see a more affordable, albeit less-alternative doctor, then that's fine.  But we'll balance it by continuing to do our own research on vaccines and other issues as they arise.  Worst case scenario we know there is another doctor we can go to for a second opinion if there is a serious medical problem.

 

 


She can't be up to date in her knowledge if she is recommending CIO. There are years of hard research that chronic exposure to the stress hormone cortisol in babies causes neurological damage, that in turn make a person prone to several stress related adult diseases. The APP now recommends responding to your babies right away and feeding on demand based on this research.  The father of CIO Ferber no longer recommends CIO because of this research. There's even a Harvard study, http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html , from 1998  that says "Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma." . 

 

Maybe it's my math/science background, but it doesn't matter what a persons degree is in or how long they've had their job, if he or she is giving me inaccurate information that isn't backed by data, or worse is contradicted by data, I have trouble trusting that's persons professional  judgement. My DD's doctor when she was small was very supportive of natural parenting, but was not a pediatrician. She works out of a clinic and is so busy it's hard to get in to see her, so we changed.

 

My DD's current pediatrician see's my 5 year old once a year, unless she has an injury or some other issue at some point. So I don't really care if she agrees with my parenting style or if she knows that James Mckenna's research has shown how co-sleeping can prevent SIDS. I haven't discussed many natural parenting topics with her. We have talked about nutrition abit and I disagreed with her on one issue, veggie juice is not the same nutritionally as fruit juice, but that's ok. I still feel she'll be able to handle any injuries or illnesses if they occur.  And my DD is comfortable around her and likes her.

 

post #24 of 41

When my husband and I adopted our first daughter from China we faced a serious sleep "crisis" where we just could not get her to go to sleep comfortably.  We were using a crib because we assumed she would not feel comfortable sleeping in our bed because she had slept in a crib for a year in China.  It was the worst feeling - she actually would scream bloody murder and would not want me to leave her room.  It was like she was in panic mode.  When I spoke to our pediatrician, she emphatically told me "At all costs, you must just let her scream.  It won't last long and she will learn to sleep without your help."  For the first time in my parenting life I had to decide whether or not to follow the doctor's advice.  My husband and I decided to bring her into our bed during naptime.  From then on, I would sleep with her during her naps every afternoon and it was like a miracle. She relaxed, we bonded, she slept wonderfully, and I never discussed the issue again with my pediatrician.  Now, three kids later, we co-sleep with our son at night and have been doing so for 2 years.  I only wish we would have co-slept with our daughters right away.  The bottom line for me is to listen carefully to our doctor for medical advice, but to trust our own decisions about what's right for issues like sleeping, and breastfeeding, etc. and not to worry if it's not aligned with our pediatrician's advice.

post #25 of 41

She may have medical knowledge that we lack, but we can read as well as anyone else, and honestly -- I have not heard ONCE from ANYWHERE that co-sleeping causes developmental delays due to sleep disruption.

 

Not Dr. Weissbluth (I quoted him earlier in this thread saying the opposite), not Dr. Ferber, not Dr. Sears, and not Dr. James McKenna.

 

These people are in opposite parenting camps. Weissbluth and Ferber are sleep-training/CIO. Dr. Sears and Dr. McKenna are attachment parenting/co-sleeping. But NOT ONE of them have said co-sleeping causes delays.

 

They are frankly more qualified than your ped. Weissbluth and Ferber are renowned peds who run research sleep clinics. Weissbluth in particular is fanatical about babies getting enough sleep. Sears is a renowned ped with 8 children of his own, most of whom co-slept with him and his wife. McKenna is an anthropologist, not a medical doctor, but he runs a mom-baby sleep research lab.

 

Obviously I don't know her, so I can't really judge in entirety, but I would consider switching peds based on this alone. Maybe she could cite some evidence for this claim, so you could evaluate it yourself?

 

She sounds like someone with strong opinions (biases?). That's fine if she were just some random parent you knew. But using her position as a medical doctor to scaremonger... that's another thing. If it were evidence-based, then she would be doing her job. If it's based on her biases, then it's interfering with her job.

 

She didn't say, "I don't think co-sleeping is best." She said co-sleeping causes delays. But where is the evidence?


Edited by Ginger Bean - 4/14/11 at 9:44pm
post #26 of 41
"With all due respect, Dr. X, I pay through the nose to buy health insurance, which in turn pays an exorbitant amount so that I can buy your expertise. In the 25 minutes that my $150 buys, I want the best benefit from your expertise on medical issues concerning my infant. I assume I could get the freebie of your opinion on your own time if I wanted it."

OK, I probably wouldn't say it quite like that, but I really, really object to doctors who are arrogant enough to take their position in society, which accords them huge sway because of the importance of their trade and the extensive training that they undergo, to assume that rigorous continued education is superfluous, or that opinion, however informed, is a substitute for said education. I would have serious problems with a pedi who was not aware of the studies quoted above. I would have serious issues with a pedi who saw herself as anything other than one voice of (educated) advice in support of parental decision-making, medical or otherwise.

I think that the benefit of coming here to MDC as a new parent is that you don't have to reinvent the wheel for yourself. Most of us have learned how to set boundaries around our families through trial and error. It can be very intimidating to stand in a room with a person in a white coat surrounded by framed bits of paper testifying to her medical qualifications. Especially when you are holding your newly-minted little person in your arms. Just remember that you are the boss! If you feel that some of her advice doesn't ring true for you, ask her to back it up with studies and ask her to use her expertise to look into your point of view, too.

ETA: Read your post about breastfeeding and your pedi, too, Moonstones. Really sounds like she may not be a good match for you....although keep in mind that you can take on the responsibility of researching the things that are important to you and she may be able to fill in blanks with her particular areas of expertise, whatever those are.

(Just because I am a carseat safety junky, make sure she gives you the correct advice here too. Does she know that the AAP just made the recommendation that 2 is now the minimum age to turn forward-facing? And staying rear-facing as long as humanly possible is the gold standard. Anyway, do your own research there, too. Most pedis are not up to scratch on info in this regard)
Edited by MammaG - 4/15/11 at 6:15am
post #27 of 41
Thread Starter 

Thanks everyone for your responses -- you are all so smart!  Whereas initially my decision to co-sleep was emotional and intuitive (as most of my decisions are when it comes to mothering, I'm finding) you've made me feel more empowered and armed with good information to talk about with our ped. And your responses have helped my husband and I see more eye-to-eye on bedsharing, so thank you too for that!

 

post #28 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turquesa View Post





I've actually starting saying this outright to peds, albeit politely.  On two occasions, I've smiled sweetly and said, "Oh, thank you for your concern.  I'm here just for medical advice, not parenting advice."  Neither ped pressed the issue.


This.

 

post #29 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by bignerpie View Post

I got a lot of grief from everyone about co-sleeping, but it seemed to bother everyone else a lot more than it bothered me! I figured, as long as my husband and I are ok with it, why does it matter?

This!

If you really like this ped for other reasons, I'd find a polite way to say that you're not really interested in parenting advice.

If you haven't introduced solids, no way is breastfeeding at night contributing to cavities, and if you have introduced solids, I just wouldn't feed solids right before bedtime. Since starting solids at 6 months, we've given DD a swig (or more if she wants) of water from a sippy cup to rinse any food particles out.

Edit: I promise you that all of the intricacies of infant sleep and breastfeeding were not covered extensively (or at all, more like it) in medical school.
post #30 of 41

Basically I think everything your ped said is a load of crap.  As far as addressing them in the appointment though...

 

I just got home from our 9 mo check-up, and the ped in training asked all the questions and relayed the answers to our ped who came in later, and I loved her tone of voice when she said "she sleeps with them"  He then began to do his usual badgering about her nighttime wakings/feedings, and this time I stopped him and as nicely as I could I simply said, "Why don't you let me worry about where she sleeps and how much I have to wake up at night, and you just tell me if my child is healthy"

 

I think he totally got the message and stopped dead in his tracks and said, "ok, let's move on then" and in our wrap up in his office he just sort of glossed over it and said it was my choice.  I don't think you need to lie in the future, but just saying something as I did sort of puts them in their place.  My ped seemed totally cool with it and seemed to get it.

 

good luck!

post #31 of 41


Where can I find this online?  I have so many people who tell me to use CIO who don't even know who Ferber is but if I could tell them that the man who popularized it no longer recommends it that would be awesome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ssh View Post




 Even Ferber no longer recommends it.

 



 

post #32 of 41

There's this http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5439359 , where he says he was misunderstood. There are many sites where he is quoted as being for co-sleeping when it's working for a family. There is also this http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/05/30/earlyshow/leisure/books/main1664020.shtml . I had read he had retracted, but it seems more he said he was misunderstood and had decided co-sleeping was ok. 

post #33 of 41

I think I have to agree with the 'finding a new pedi' thought...  Either that, or do as some suggested, and just conveniently leave out that type of information.  If you're happy with your sleeping situation, that's all that matters.

 

I have a naturopath pedi, and she is extremely supportive of co-sleeping, nighttime nursing, etc.  However, the pedi I had for my first son was totally different.  He pushed formula supplementing, CIO, etc.  Needless to say, I moved on and found someone who fit our family better.

 


Good luck mama!

post #34 of 41


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by belltree View Post

Next time ask your pediatrician to show you studies about all her points.

 

1) If your child is hitting milestones, not showing any signs of overtiredness during the day, than that already disproves her theory.

 

2). That is such an outdated idea.

 

3) How does she know that? Wouldn't it the easiest, if your child hits the point, when he or she wants to move out by herself?

 

Plus, I just would not really mention your sleeping situation any longer.


I agree that you shouldn't talk about sleep with your dr. any longer. I chose the same path.

 

post #35 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by imadad View Post

 

2)  Yes, the pediatricians remarks have influence over me, but only in that she is an extensively trained medical doctor (/mother) who spends every day dealing with kids.  She is a very kind, caring person, and I respect her experience regarding the health of my child.  I do not, however, take everything she says at face value, but rather I take it into consideration.  I think her experience with kids and her medical training earns the right for this consideration.  Furthermore, neither I, nor my wife, have any of this experience or medical training, so I feel it a bit ignorant to dismiss what she says as complete conspiracy-driven fallacy and drop her for a different pediatrician who tells us everything we want to hear.


As someone who has been there and done that, also with a husband who wasn't entirely sure he was on board, I can assure you that your baby is going to be perfectly fine continuing to sleep with you.  You will look back at this and realize how funny it was that you were ever so concerned about what your pediatrician thought.

 

Trust yourself.  Trust your instincts.  Trust your wife's instincts.  Pediatricians are extensively trained, yes.  In medicine.  They are NOT, unfortunately, trained well in sleep or psychology.   I personally know a woman who is on a billion different boards, medical and otherwise, has her PhD, is a professor, has published multiple research studies and books, and worked personally to develop several measures of attachment that are used in textbooks and by psychologists.  When my son was seven months old, in sheer desperation, I called her to discuss what she thought about crying it out.  I *knew* in my heart what she would say, but was just really hoping she would say that my son would be totally fine if we moved him into his crib and let him cry.  She didn't say that.  She talked with me at length about the psychological impact and the impact on his attachment and emotional development, and I decided I was not going to do it.  For what its worth, she is in no way part of the attachment parenting community, Dr. Sears type stuff, or any sort of promotion of a certain way of parenting.  She is a researcher and a teacher.  She is incredibly accomplished and I promise you has more training related to co-sleeping and attachment than your pediatrician. Feel free to pm me and I can give you her name.  I just don't want to link it publicly because I also try to maintain my own privacy on here.  

 

In my opinion, pediatricians have no business giving out info to parents about sleep.  That is not their training.  They can go ahead and diagnose your kid with an ear infection or strep throat, but should keep their mouths shut about things they have no training on.  Many pediatricians are arrogant enough to use their position as "child expert" to give advice outside of their realm of expertise.  The older your child gets, the more you will realize that they frequently give out child development information that is in direct conflict with info that individuals better trained in child development and psychology will give out.   Trust yourself.  Let your baby remain emotionally healthy.
 

 

post #36 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post




As someone who has been there and done that, also with a husband who wasn't entirely sure he was on board, I can assure you that your baby is going to be perfectly fine continuing to sleep with you.  You will look back at this and realize how funny it was that you were ever so concerned about what your pediatrician thought.

 

Trust yourself.  Trust your instincts.  Trust your wife's instincts.  Pediatricians are extensively trained, yes.  In medicine.  They are NOT, unfortunately, trained well in sleep or psychology.   I personally know a woman who is on a billion different boards, medical and otherwise, has her PhD, is a professor, has published multiple research studies and books, and worked personally to develop several measures of attachment that are used in textbooks and by psychologists.  When my son was seven months old, in sheer desperation, I called her to discuss what she thought about crying it out.  I *knew* in my heart what she would say, but was just really hoping she would say that my son would be totally fine if we moved him into his crib and let him cry.  She didn't say that.  She talked with me at length about the psychological impact and the impact on his attachment and emotional development, and I decided I was not going to do it.  For what its worth, she is in no way part of the attachment parenting community, Dr. Sears type stuff, or any sort of promotion of a certain way of parenting.  She is a researcher and a teacher.  She is incredibly accomplished and I promise you has more training related to co-sleeping and attachment than your pediatrician. Feel free to pm me and I can give you her name.  I just don't want to link it publicly because I also try to maintain my own privacy on here.  

 

In my opinion, pediatricians have no business giving out info to parents about sleep.  That is not their training.  They can go ahead and diagnose your kid with an ear infection or strep throat, but should keep their mouths shut about things they have no training on.  Many pediatricians are arrogant enough to use their position as "child expert" to give advice outside of their realm of expertise.  The older your child gets, the more you will realize that they frequently give out child development information that is in direct conflict with info that individuals better trained in child development and psychology will give out.   Trust yourself.  Let your baby remain emotionally healthy.
 

 


 

yeahthat.gif

post #37 of 41

What helped me in situations like this was to remember that I went to the doctor for medical advice, not for parenting advice.  When asked how DD is sleeping, I answer 'Just fine' and leave it at that.  I don't offer more details unless I am ready to have feedback that I might not want/need/value.

 

Good luck to you :)

post #38 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by imadad View Post

 

4)  While the advice to lie to the pediatrician about the sleeping situation sounds the most comfortable of the options, I personally feel there is no need to lie.  I would hope that our doctor would respect our honesty, in fact.  I think (if it comes up again) if we just tell her we understand her concerns about the sleeping in the bed thing, but the baby is sleeping just fine, she will respect our decision.  I don't hold it against her (the Dr.) for telling us what she thinks about co-sleeping.  I'm sure she gets asked parenting advice from just about every parent she sees, so I don't think it's strange that she offers it up.  It doesn't mean we have to do what she says.

 

In the end, I want my child to have the best healthcare possible.  And I believe that this is achieved best by a reasonable balance of modern medicine and alternative medicine.  I believe they both have something important to offer.  So if our financial situation deems that we have to see a more affordable, albeit less-alternative doctor, then that's fine.  But we'll balance it by continuing to do our own research on vaccines and other issues as they arise.  Worst case scenario we know there is another doctor we can go to for a second opinion if there is a serious medical problem.

 

 


I think you're approaching all this from a very sensible and balanced line of thought.

Honestly, when a pediatrician shares information that may not be evidence-based, I feel like it's more harmful to families that don't have the skills or motivation to do independent research. You two sound educated, intelligent, socially well-resourced, and I'm sure you feel basically comfortable making your own decision on the matter. I wouldn't lie to the doctor either. If you do decide to continue cosleeping, I'm sure you're comfortable smiling, saying, "we've researched, decided to cosleep and it works for us," and firmly moving on.

I won't rehash what other posters have said, but I do think there are a number of clear benefits to cosleeping, at least for a while. In terms of the history of evolution, the idea of a baby sleeping in its own space is brand new. Humanity has been cosleeping for the last few hundred thousand years, and just in the last hundred years in certain parts of the developed world have we suddenly decided it's harmful. I do also think that families have to decide what works for them at any given time period, and constantly adapt. If cosleeping works for you now, great. In a few months, if you feel like it's not working, you can think about making a transition.

Just to share my own personal experiences...I have a ped that I really like. It's a tiny clinic owned by two small-town doctors, and they have some really great views about providing kids with a medical home and making care accessible. They're a bit more conservative than I am on several issues. I spent several long and agonizing months researching everything I could about vaxing, and eventually made the independent decision to vax on a slightly delayed schedule. They told me fairly strongly but respectfully that they preferred their patients to vax. I felt like their staff looked at us a little bit weird, coming in as cloth-diapering homebirthers asking questions about vaxing. So we got off to a tiny bit of a rocky start. They were supportive of extended breastfeeding (I think they mentioned the cavities thing; I smiled and nodded). I know the peds there weren't crazy about cosleeping, but we just said, "it works for us" and they respected that. Around 18 months I was ready to transition DS into his own bed, which went smoothly. I was glad I coslept for the first year and a half, and I was glad when he was ready for his own bed.

When DS was two years old, we went through a very difficult issue (a suspected one-time incidence of abuse from another caregiver) and those same pediatricians were absolutely amazing. They treated us with so much compassion and respect in a very difficult time. So even though they weren't quite as crunchy as I was, we were able to respectfully agree to disagree on things like cosleeping, and they were able to offer great care when we desperately needed their medical expertise.

I think it's true that for any medical practitioner, there are places where the evidence may not be clear and reasonable people disagree. The bigger issue is whether they treat you respectfully and help you make an informed decision.   

 

 

 

post #39 of 41

The ped has experience with children in general, not 5,000 hours with YOUR child.

 

 

Quote:

3) The longer we wait to get DD out of our bed, the harder it will become.

 

Parents are often ready to have their bed childless before the child is. My older daughter is 8 now. She co-slept until 2 (but night wanderings brought her to the bed off and on until 6). She nursed to sleep until a year, then I rocked her, then we laid with her in her bed. Now she tells me she's ready for bed.

 

Your child will not be sleeping in your bed forever.

 

Ypur ped sounds like a baby sleeping through the night is an acheivement to be won, rather than a gradual process. A 6 month old shouldn't be expected to sleep through the night. She has only been out in the world for a short time and she needs comfort during the night as well as food. Emotional needs are just as important as physical ones. I am so sad that people want to ignore the emotional needs of their baby because nothing can be wrong since baby is fed, changed and it's after midnight.

post #40 of 41
Thread Starter 

OP here, and just thought you all would appreciate an update.  We went in for our 9 month well baby appointment and decided not to say anything about sleep since we're still co-sleeping.  But because DD's iron was low, our ped asked me how often we were nursing, and when I said about 8 times a day, she assumed that DD was still nursing through the night, and she said that was a problem and that DD should only be nursing about 2 times a day now, and not at night because it will cause her teeth to rot.  In any case, DH has kindly agreed to let us switch back to our AP friendly pediatrician, so problem solved!  

 

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